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  • Title: Englishmen For My Money (Quarto 1, 1616)
  • Editor: Natalie Aldred

    • ISBN:

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Haughton
    Editor: Natalie Aldred
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Englishmen For My Money (Quarto 1, 1616)

    Enter Pisaro, Aluaro, Delion, and Uandalle.
    745 Pisa. A thousand welcomes friendes: Mon sieur Delion,
    Ten thousand Ben-venues vnto your selfe,
    Signior Aluaro, Mai ster Vandalle;
    Proude am I, that my roofe containes such Friends.
    Why Mall, Laurentia, Matth; Where be these Girles?
    750 Enter the three Si sters.
    Liuely my Girles, and bid these Strangers welcome;
    They are my friends, your friends, and our wel-willers:
    You cannot tell what good you may haue on them.
    Gods mee. Why stirre you not? Harke in your eare,
    755These be the men the choyse of many millions,
    That I your carefull Father haue prouided
    To be your Husbands: therefore bid them welcome.
    Math. Nay by my troth, tis not the guyse of maydes,
    To giue a slauering Salute to men: (aside,
    760If these sweete youths haue not the witte to doe it,
    Wee haue the hone stie to let them stand.
    Vanda. Gods sekerlin, dats vn-fra meskin, Mon sieur
    Delion dare de Grote frie ster, dare wode ic zene, tis vn-fra
    Daughter, dare heb ic so long loude, dare Heb my de sire
    765 so long gewe st .
    Alua. Ah Uenice, Roma, Italia, Frauncia, Anglitera , nor all
    dis orbe can shew so much belliza, veremante de secunda,
    Madona de granda bewtie.
    Delio. Certes me dincke de mine depeteta de little An-
    770 gloise, de me Matre s s e Pisaro is vn nette, vn becues, vn fra,
    et vn tendra Damosella.
    Pisa. What Stocks, what stones, what senceles Truncks
    be these?
    When as I bid you speake, you hold your tongue:
    775When I bid peace, then can you prate, and chat,
    And gossip: But goe too, speake and bid welcome;
    Or (as I liue) you were as good you did.
    Mari. I cannot tell what Language I should speake:
    Yf I speake Engli sh (as I can none other)
    780They cannot vnder stand me, nor my welcome.
    Alua. Bella Madona , dare is no language so dulce; dulce ,
    dat is sweete, as de language, dat you shall speake, and de
    vell come dat you sal say, sal be well know perfaytemente.
    Mari.Pray sir, What is all this in Engli sh ?
    785 Alua. De vsa sal vell tea sh you vat dat is; and if you sal
    please, I will tea sh you to parler Italiano .
    Pisa. And that mee thinkes sir, not without need:
    And with Italian, to a Childes obedience,
    With such de sire to seeke to please their Parents,
    790As others farre more vertuous then them selues,
    Doe dayly striue to doe: But tis no matter,
    Ile shortly pull your haughtie stomacks downe:
    Ile teach you vrge your Father; make you runne,
    When I bid runne: and speake, when I bid speake:
    795What greater cro s s e can carefull parents haue (knock within
    Then carele s s e Chidren. Stirre and see who knocks?
    Enter Haruie,Walgraue,and Heigham.
    Walg.Good morrow to my good Mi stris Mathea.
    Mathea.As good a morrow, to the morrow giuer.
    800 Pisa.A murren, what make these? What do they heere?
    Heigh. You see mai ster Pisaro, we are bold gue stes,
    You could haue bid no surer men then wee.
    Pisa. Harke you Gentlemen; I did not expect you
    At after noone, not before two a clocke.
    805 Haru. Why sir, if you please, you shall haue vs heere at
    two a clocke, at three a clocke, at foure a clock; nay till to
    morrow this time: yet I a s s ure you sir, wee came not to
    your house without inuiting.
    Pisa>. Why Gentlemen, I pray who bade you now?
    810Who euer did it, sure hath done you wrong:
    For scarcely could you come to worser cheare.
    Heigh. It was your owne selfe bade vs to your cheare,
    When you were bu sie with Balsaro talking;
    You bade vs cease our suites till dinner time,
    815And then to vse it for our table talke:
    And wee I warrant you, are as sure as Steele.
    Pisa. A murren on your selues, and sureness too:
    How am I cro st: Gods mee, what shall I doe,
    This was that ill newes of the Spani sh Pirats,
    820That so di sturb'd mee: well, I mu st di s s emble,
    And bid them welcome; but for my Daughters
    Ile send them hence, they shall not stand and prate.
    Well my Mai sters, Gentlemen, and Friends,
    Though vnexpected, yet mo st heartily welcome;
    825(Welcome with a vengeance) but for your cheare,
    That will be small: yet too too much for you.
    Mall, in and get things readie.
    Laurentia, bid Maudlin lay the Cloth, take vp the Meate:
    Looke how she stirres; you sullen Elfe, you Callet,
    830Is this the ha ste you make? Exeunt Marina & Laurentia.
    Alua. Signor Pisaro, ne soiat so malcontento de Gentle-
    woman your filigola did parler but a littella to, de gentle
    homa your graunde amico .
    Pisa. But that graunde amico , is your graunde inimico:
    835One, if they be suffred to parlar,
    Will poll you, I, and pill you of your Wife:
    They loue togeather: and the other two,
    Loues her two Si sters: but tis onely you
    Shall crop the flower, that they e steeme so much.
    840 Alua. Do dey so; vell let me lone, sal see me giue dem
    de such graund mocke, sal be shame of dem selues.
    Pisa>. Doe sir, I pray you doe; set lu stily vpon them,
    And Ile be ready still to second you.
    Walg. But Matt, art thou so mad as to turne French?
    845 Math. Yes marry when two two Sundayes come together;
    Thinke you Ile learne to speake this gibberidge,
    Or the Pigges language? Why, if I fall sicke,
    Theyle say, the French (et-cetera) infected mee.
    Pisa. Why how now Minion; what, is this your seruice;
    850Your other Si sters bu sie are imployde,
    And you stande idle: get you in, or. Exit Mathea.
    Walg. Yf you chide her, chide mee (M. Pisaro:
    For but for mee, she had gon in long since.
    Pisa. I thinke she had: for we are sprights to scare her;
    855But er't be long, Ile driue that humor from her.
    Alua. Signor, me thinkes you soud no macke de wen she
    so hardee, so disobedient to de padre as ditt madona Matt.
    Walg. Signor, me thinkes you should learne to speake,
    before you should be so foole-hardy, as to woe such a
    860Mayden as that Madona Matt?
    Delio. Warrent you Mon sieur, he sal parle wen you sal
    stande out the doure.
    Haru. Harke you Mon sieur, you would wi sh your selfe
    halfe hang'd, you were as sure to be let in as hee.
    865 Uan. Macke no doubt de signor Alua. sal do vel enough
    Heigh. perhaps so: but me thinkes your be st way were to
    ship your selfe for Stoad, and there to batter your selfe for a
    commodity; for I can tell you, you are here out of liking.
    Pisa. The wor st perhappes di slike him, but the be st
    870e steeme him be st.
    Haru. But by your patience sir, mee thinks none
    should know better who's Lord, then the Lady.
    Alua. Den de Lady, vat Lady?
    Haru. Marry sir, the Lady let her alone: one that
    875meanes to let you alone for feare of trouble.
    Pisa. Euery man as he may: yet sometimes the blinde
    may katch a Hare.
    Heigh. I sir, but he will fir st eate many a Fly:
    You know it mu st be a wonder, if a Crab catch a Fowle.
    880 Uand. Maer hort ens ; if he & ic & mon sier Delion be de
    Crab, we sal ka sh de Fowle wel genough, I warrent you.
    Walg. I, and the Foole well enough I warrant you;
    And much good may it doe yee.
    Alua. Mee dincke such a piculo man as you be, sal haue
    885no de such grande lucke madere.
    Delio. Non da Mon sieur, and he be so granda amorous
    op de Damosella, he sal haue Mawdlyn de witt Wen she in
    de Kichine by maiter Pisaros leaue.
    Walg. By M. Pisaros leaue, Mon sieur Ile mumble you, ex-
    890cept you learne to know, whom you speake to: I tell thee
    Francois, Ile haue (maugre thy teeth) her that shall make
    thee gna sh thy teeth to want.
    Pisa. Yet a man may want of his will, and bate an Ace
    of his wi sh: But Gentlemen, euery man as his lucke serues,
    895and so agree wee; I would not haue you fall out in my
    house: Come, come, all this was in ie st, now lets too't in
    earne st; I meane with our teeth, and try who's the be st
    Trencher-man. Exeunt.
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