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  • Title: An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)
  • Editor: Eleanor Lowe
  • Coordinating editor: Brett Greatley-Hirsch
  • General textual editor: Helen Ostovich

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-513-1

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: George Chapman
    Editor: Eleanor Lowe
    Peer Reviewed

    An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)

    F Enter
    An humorous
    Enter Laberuele, Foyes, Labesha, and the
    Countesse.
    La. Where be these puritanes, these murderers, let me
    1390come in here?
    Fo. Where is the strumpet?
    Co. where is this harlot, let vs come in here.
    La. What shall we do? the streets do wonder at vs, and
    we do make our shame knowne to the world, let vs go, and
    1395complaine vs to the King.
    Fo. Come Labesha, will you go?
    La. No no I scorne to go; no King shal heare my plaint,
    I will in silent liue a man forlorne, mad, and melancholy, as
    a cat, and neuer more weare hat band on my hat.
    1400Enter Moren, and Martia.
    Mo. What dost thou meane? thou must not hang on
    me.
    Mar. O good lord Moren, haue me home with you,
    you may excuse all to my father for me.
    1405Enter Lemot.
    Lem. O my lord, be not so rude to leaue her now.
    Lor. Alas man, and if my wife should see it, I were vn-
    done.
    Enter the King and another.
    1410Ki. Pursue them sirs, and taking Martia from him, con-
    uay her presently to Valeres house.
    What vilain was it that hath vttered this.
    Enter the Puritane to Lemot.
    Le. Why twas euen I, I thanke you for your gentle
    1415tearmes, you giue me vilain at the first, I wonder wheres
    this old doter, what doth he thinke we feare him.
    Flo. O monstrous man, what, wouldst thou haue him
    take vs?
    Le. Would
    dayes mirth.
    Le. Would I quoth you, yea by my troth would I, I know
    1420he is but gone to cal the constable, or to raise the streets.
    Flo. What meanes the man trow? is he mad?
    Le. No, no, I know what I do, I doe it of purpose, I
    long to see him come and raile at you, to call you harlot,
    and to spurne you too, O you'l loue me a great deale the
    1425better, and yet let him come, and if he touch but one thread
    of you, Ile make that thread his poyson.
    Flo. I know not what to say.
    Le. Speake, do you loue me?
    Flo. Yea surely do I.
    1430Le, Why then haue not I reason that loue you so deare-
    ly as I do, to make you hatefull in his sight, that I might
    more freely enioy you.
    Flo. Why let vs be gon my kind Lemot, and not be
    wondered at in the open streets.
    1435Le. Ile go with you through fire, through death, throgh
    hell, come giue me your owne hand, my owne deare heart,
    this hand that I adore and reuerence, and loath to haue it,
    touch an olde mans bosome, O let me sweetely kisse it; he
    bites.
    1440Flo. Out on thee wretch, he hath bit me to the bone,
    O barbarous Canibal, now I perceiue thou wilt make me a
    mocking stocke to all the world.
    Le. Come, come, leaue your passions, they cannot
    mooue mee, my father and my mother died both in a day,
    1445and I rung mee a peale for them, and they were no soo-
    ner brought to the church and laide in their graues, but I
    fetcht me two or three fine capers aloft, and took my leaue
    of them, as men do of their mistresses at the ending of a ga-
    liard; Besilos manus.
    1450Flo. O brutish nature, how accurst was I euer to indure
    the sound of this damned voice?
    Le. Well, and you do not like my humor, I can be but
    sory for it, I bit you for good will, and if you accept it, so, if
    no, go.
    F 2 Flo.
    An humorous
    1455Flo. Vilain, thou didst it in contempt of me.
    Le. Well, and you take it so, so be it: harke you Madam,
    your wisest course is, euen to become puritane againe, put
    off this vaine attire, and say, I haue despised all: thanks my
    God, good husband, I do loue thee in the Lord, and he
    1460(good man) will thinke all this you haue done, was but to
    shew thou couldest gouerne the world, and hide thee as a
    rainebow doth a storme: my dainty wench, go go, what
    shall the flattering words of a vaine man make you forget
    your dutie to your husband? away, repent, amend your life,
    1465you haue discredited your religion for euer.
    Flo. Well wench, for this foule shame thou puttest on
    me, the curse of all affection light on thee.Exit.
    Le. Go Abacuck, go, why this is excellent, I shal short-
    ly become a schoolemaster, to whom men will put their
    1470wiues, to practise; well now wil I go set the Queene vpō the
    King, and tell her where he is close with his wench: and he
    that mends my humor, take the spurres: sit fast, for by hea-
    uen, ile iurke the horse you ride on.
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