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About this text

  • Title: An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)
  • Editor: Eleanor Lowe
  • Coordinating editor: Brett Greatley-Hirsch
  • General textual editor: Helen Ostovich
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-513-1

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: George Chapman
    Editor: Eleanor Lowe
    Peer Reviewed

    An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)

    425Enter Besha hanging vpon Martia sleeue, and the Lord Moren
    comes to them.
    Mar. I prethee Besha keepe a little off; hang not vpon
    her shoulders thus for shame.
    Be. My Lord, Pardon a moy, I must not let her talk alone
    430with any one, for her father gaue me charge.
    Mar. O you are a goodly charger for a Goose.
    Be. A Goose, you are a Gander to call me Goose, I am
    a christian Gentleman as well as you.
    Mar. Well sirra get you hence, or by my troth Ile haue
    435thee taken out in a blanket, tossed from forth our hearing.
    Be. In a blanket? what do you make a puppie of me, by
    skies and stones I will go and tell your Lady.Exit.
    Mor. Nay but Besha.
    Mar. Nay he will tell my Lorde.
    440Enter the Countesse Moren and Besha.
    Co. Why how now my Lord, what thought you I was
    dead, that you are wooing of another thus, or are you laying
    plots to worke my death?
    Mor. Why neither sweete bird, what need you moue
    445these questions vnto me, whome you know loues you a-
    boue all the women in the world?
    Co. How he can flatter now he hath made a fault.
    Besh, He can do little, and he cannot cogge.
    Mor. Out you asse.
    450Co. Wel, come tell me what you did intreat.
    Mor. Nothing by heauen sweete bird I sweare, but to
    intreat her loue.
    Co. But
    An humorous
    Co. But to intreat her loue.
    Mor. Nay heare me out.
    455Co. Nay here you are out, you are out too much me
    thinkes, and put me in.
    Mor. And put you in?
    Co. In a faire taking sir I meane.
    Mor. O you may see what hastie taking is, you women
    460euer more scramble for our woordes, and neuer take them
    mannerly from our mouths.
    Con. Come tell me what you did intreat.
    Mor. I did intreat her loue to Colinet.
    Con. To Colinet? O he is your deare cousen, and your
    465kinde heart yfaith is neuer well but when you are doing
    good for euery man: speake, do you loue me?
    Mor. Yfaith sweete bird.
    Con. Best of all others.
    Mor. Best of all others?
    470Con. Thats my good bird yfaith.
    Besh. O mistris, will you loue me so?
    Mor. No by my troth will I not.
    Besh. No by my troth will I not? Why thats well said I
    could neuer get her to flatter me yet.
    475Enter Lemot,Blanuel, and Catalian, and Colinet.
    Le. Good morrow my good Lord, and these passing
    louely Ladies.
    Cat. So now we shall haue all maner of flattering with
    Monsieur Lemot.
    480Le. You are all manner of waies deceiued Madam, for
    I am so farre from flattering you, that I do not a whit
    praise you.
    Con. Why do you call vs passing louely then?
    Lem. Because you are passing from your louelines.
    485Mar. Madam we shall not haue one mot of Monsieur
    Lemot, but it shal be as it were a mote to drown al our con-
    ceit in admiration.
    Le. See what a mote her quick eye can spie in mine, be-
    dayes mirth.
    fore she lookes in it.
    490Mar. So mote I thee, thine answer is as good as mought
    Le. Heres a poore name run out of breath quickly.
    Co. Why Monsieur Lemot, your name is runne out of
    breath at euery word you speake.
    495Le. Thats because my name signifies word.
    Mar. Wel hit, Monsieur verbum.
    Le. What are you good at latine Lady?
    Mar. No sir, but I know what verbum is.
    Le. Why tis greenebum, ver is greene, and you know
    500what bum is, I am sure of that.
    Mar. No sir, tis a verbe, and I can decline you.
    Lem. That you can Ile be sworne.
    Mar. What can I do?
    Le. Decline me, or take me a hole lower, as the pro-
    505uerbe is.
    Mar. Nay sir, I meane plaine Gramatical declination
    Le. Well, let's heare your schollership, and decline me.
    Mar. I will sir, moto, motas.
    Besha. O excellent! she hath cald him asse in latine.
    510Le. Well sir, forward.
    Mar. Nay theres enough to trie both our scholerships
    Le. Moto, motas, nay faith forward to motaui, or motandi.
    Mar. Nay sir, Ile leaue when I am well.
    Co. Why Monsieur Lemot, your name being in word
    515general, is in nini, or in hammer, or in cock, or in buzzard.
    Le. Or in wagtaile, or in woodcocke, or in dotteril, or in
    Ma. Or in clotte, or in head, or in cow, or in baby.
    Le. Or in maukin, or in trash, or in pape, or in Lady.
    520Co. Or in deed in euery thing.
    Le. Why then tis in Thing.
    Ma. Then good Monsier Thing, there let it rest.
    Le. Then aboue all things I must haue a woorde with
    C Be. Hands
    An humerous
    525Be. Hands off sir, she is not for your mowing.
    Le. She is for your mocking.
    Be. And she mocke me, Ile tell her father.
    Le. Thats a good child, thou smellest of the mother, and
    she was a foole I warrant you.
    530Be. Meddle with me, but doe not meddle with my
    Le. Thats a good child, come, I must needes haue a
    word with you.
    Be. You shall do none of your needs with her sir.
    535Cata. Why what will you do?
    Be. What will I doe? you shall see what Ile do.
    Then he of-
    fereth to
    Blan. Go to you asse, offer to draw here, and weele draw
    thee out of the house by the heeles.
    Be. What, three against one? now was euer proper hard
    540fauord Gentleman so abused?
    Go to Mistris Martia, I see you well enough, are
    you not ashamed to stand talking alone with such a one as
    Le. How sir? with such a one as I sir?
    545Be. Yea sir, with such a one as you sir.
    Le. Why, what am I?
    Be. What are you sir? why I know you well enough.
    Le. Sirra tel me, what you know me for, or else by hea-
    uen Ile make thee better thou hadst neuer knowne how to
    Be. Why sir, if you wil needes know, I know you for
    an honorable gentleman and the Kings minion, and were
    it not to you, theres nere a gentleman in Paris should haue
    had her out of my hands.
    555Ma. Nay, hees as tall a Gentleman of his hands as any
    is in Paris.
    Col. Theres a fauour for you sir.
    Le. But I can get no fauour for you sir.
    Blan. I pray my Lord intreat for your cossen Colinet.
    560Mo. Alas man, I dare not for my wife.
    Cat. Why
    dayes mirth.
    Cat. Why my Lord she thinkes it is for nothing, but to
    speake for your cosen.
    Mo. I pray you birde, giue me leaue to speake for my
    565Co. I am content for him.
    Mo. Then one woorde with you more, curteous ladie
    Be. Not, and you were my father.
    Mo. Gentlemen, for God sake thrust this asse out of the
    Lem. Nay, birladye he le runne home and tell her fa-
    Ca. Well, go to her, I warrant he shall not trouble you
    (kind gentleman) how we dote on thee: imbrace him gen-
    Blan. O sweete Besha how we honour thee.
    Co. Nay Gentlemen, looke what a pearcing eye hee
    Be. An eie? I haue an eie and it were a pole-cat.
    580Ca. Nay, looke what a nose he hath.
    Be. My nose is nete crimson.
    Blan. Nay, looke what a handsome man he is, O
    Nature, Nature, thou neuer madest man of so pure a fea-
    585Be. Truly truly Gentlemen, I do not deserue this kind-
    Ca. O Lorde sir, you are too modest, come shall we
    Be. Whither? to the alehouse?
    590Le Hearke you Madam, haue you no more care of the
    right of your husband, then to let him talke thus affectio-
    nately with another?
    Coun. Why he speakes not for himselfe, but for his cosen
    595Le. Gods my life? he telles you so, nay and these excuses
    may serue I haue done.
    C 2 Co. By
    An humorous
    Con. By the masse now I obserue him, he lookes very
    suspitiously indeede, nere trust me if his lookes, and his ie-
    sture doe not plainely shewe himselfe to sweare, by this
    600light I do loue thee.
    Lem. Burlady Madam you gesse shrewdly indeede,
    but hearke you Madam, I pray let not me be the author
    of discord betweene my good Lord and you.
    Con. No no Monsieur Lemot, I were blinde if I could
    605not see this, ile slit her nose by Iesus
    Me. How now whats the matter?
    Co. Whats the matter? if I could come at your Mistris,
    she should know whats the matter.
    Mo. My Mistris?
    610Co. Yea your Mistris, O heres faire dissimulation, O ye
    impudent gossip, do I send for you to my house to make
    you my cōpanion, and do you vse me thus? little dost thou
    know what tis to loue a man truly, for if thou didst, thou
    wouldst be ashamed to wrong me so.
    615Mar. You wrong me Madam to say I wrong you.
    Co. Go to, get you out of my house.
    Mar. I am gone Madam.
    Mor. Well, come in sweete bird and Ile perswade thee,
    ther's no harme done.
    620C. Well, we shall heare your perswasions.
    Le. Well God knowes, and I can partly gesse what he
    must do to perswade her: well, take your faire charge, faire
    and manly L. Monsieur Labesha.
    Co. One word with you more faire ladie.
    625Le. Not a word, no man on paine of death, not a word,
    he comes vpon my rapiers point, that comes within fortie
    foote on her.
    Be. Thankes good Lemot, and thankes gentlemen all,
    and her father shal thanke you.
    630C. Much good do it you sir: come Gentlemen, lets go
    wait vpon the king, and see the humour of the young lord
    Lem Ex-
    dayes mirth.
    Lem. Excuse me to the King, and tell him I will meet
    635him there: so this is but the beginning of sport betweene
    this fine lord and his old lady: but this wench Martia hath
    happy starres raigned at the disposition of her beautie, for
    the King him selfe doth mightily dote on her. Now to my
    Puritane, and see if I can make vp my full proofe of her.