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  • Title: An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)
  • Editor: Eleanor Lowe
  • Coordinating editor: Brett Greatley-Hirsch
  • General textual editor: Helen Ostovich

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-513-1

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: George Chapman
    Editor: Eleanor Lowe
    Peer Reviewed

    An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)

    Enter the Queene, Lemot, and all the rest of the
    lordes, and the Countesse: Lemots
    arme in a scarffe.
    1550Lemot. haue at them yfayth with a lame counterfeite
    humor: ake on rude arme, I care not for thy paine, I got it
    nobly in the kings defence, and in the gardiance of my faire
    Queenes right.
    Qu. O tell me sweet Lemot, how fares the king? or what
    1555his right was that thou didst defend?
    Lem. That you shall know when other things are told.
    Lab. Keepe not the Queene too long without her
    longing.
    Foyes. No, for I tell you it is a daungerous thing.
    1560Coun. Little care cruell men how women long.
    Le. What would you haue me then put poyson in my
    breath, and burne the eares of my attentiue Queene.
    Quee.
    dayes mirth.
    Quee. Tell me what ere it be, Ile beare it all.
    Lem. beare with my rudenesse then in telling it, for alas
    1565you see I can but act it with the left hande, this is my ge-
    sture now.
    Quee. Tis well enough.
    Lem. Yea well enough you say, this recompence
    haue I for all my woundes: then thus the King inamou-
    1570red of an other ladie compares your face to hers, and saies
    that yours is fat and flat, and that your neather lip was pas-
    sing big.
    Quee. O wicked man, doth he so sodainlie condemne
    my beautie, that when he married me he thought diuine:
    1575for euer blasted be that strumpets face, as all my hopes are
    blasted, that did change them.
    Lem. Nay Madam, though he saide your face was fat,
    and flat, and so forth, yet he liked it best, and said, a perfect
    beautie should be so.
    1580La. O did he so! why that was right euen as it should be.
    Foy. You see now Madam, howe much too hastie you
    were in your griefes.
    Que. If he did so esteeme of me indeed, happie am I.
    Coun. So may your highnesse be that hath so good a hus-
    1585band, but hell hath no plague to such an one as I.
    Lem. Indeed Madam, you haue a bad husband: truly
    then did the king growe mightily in loue with the other la-
    die, and swore, no king could more inriched be, then to in-
    ioy so faire a dame as shee.
    1590Cat. O monstrous man, and acurst most miserable dame!
    Le. But saies the king I do inioy as faire, & though I loue
    in al honored sort, yet Ile not wrōg my wife for al the world
    Foy. This proues his constancie as firme as brasse.
    Que. It doth, it doth: O pardon me my lord, that I mi-
    1595stake thy royall meaning so.
    Coun. In heauen your highnesse liues, but I in hell.
    Lem. But when he vewd her radient eyes againe, blinde
    was hee strooken with her feruent beames: and now good
    King
    An humorous
    King he gropes about in corners voide of the chearefull
    1600light should guide vs all.
    Que. O dismall newes, what is my soueraigne blind?
    Le. Blind as a Beetle madam, that a while houering a-
    loft, at last in cowsheds fall.
    Lab. Could her eyes blind him?
    1605Lem. Eyes or what it was I know not, but blind I am
    sure he is as any stone.
    Q. Come bring me to my Prince my lord that I may
    leade him, none aliue but I may haue the honour to direct
    his feete.
    1610Lem. How lead him madam? why hee can go as right
    as you, or any here, and is not blind of eyesight.
    Quee. Of what then?
    Lem. Of reason.
    Quee. Why thou saidest he wanted his cheerfull light.
    1615Lem. Of reason still I meant, whose light you knowe
    should cheerefully guide a worthie King, for he doth loue
    her, and hath forced her into a priuate roome where now
    they are.
    Quee. What mocking chaunges is there in thy wordes
    1620fond man, thou murtherest me with these exclaimes.
    Lem. Why madam tis your fault, you cut mee off be-
    fore my words be halfe done.
    Quee. Forth and vnlade the poyson of thy tongue.
    Lem. Another lord did loue this curious ladie, who hea-
    1625ring that the King had forced her, as she was walking with
    another Earle, ran straightwaies mad for her, and with a
    friend of his, and two or three blacke ruffians more, brake
    desperately vpon the person of the King, swearing to take
    from him, in traiterous fashion, the instrument of procrea-
    1630tion: with them I fought a while,, and got this wound, but
    being vnable to resist so many, came straight to you to fetch
    you to his ayde.
    Lab. Why raised you not the streetes?
    Lem. That I forbore, because I would not haue the
    world
    dayes mirth.
    1635world, to see what a disgrace my liege was subiect to, being
    with a woman in so meane a house.
    Foy. Whose daughter was it that he forst I pray?
    Lem. Your daughter sir.
    La. Whose sonne was that ranne so mad for her?
    1640Lem. Your sonne my Lord.
    La. O Gods, and fiends forbid.
    Co. I pray sir, from whom did he take the Ladie?
    Le. From your good Lord.
    Co. O Lord I beseech thee no.
    1645Le. Tis all too true, come follow the Queen and I, where
    I shall leade you.
    Qu. O wretched Queene, what would they take from
    him?
    Le. The instrument of procreation.
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