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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)

    Enter Matheo, Orlando, and Lodouico.
    Mat. Let who will come (my Noble Shauileir) I can but
    play the kind Hoast, and bid vm welcome.
    2185Lod. We'll trouble your house (Matheo) but as Dutchmen
    doe in Tauernes (drinke, be merry, and be gone.)
    Orl. Indeed if you be right Dutchmen, if you fall to drink-
    ing, you must be gone.
    Mat. The worst is, my wife is not at home; but we'll flie
    2190hie (my generous Knight) for all that: there's no Musike
    when a woman is in the consort.
    Orl. No, for she's like a paire of Virginals,
    Alwaies with Iackes at her taile.
    Enter Astolfo, Carolo, Beraldo, Fontinell.
    2195Lod. See, the Couy is sprung.
    Omnes. Saue you Gallants.
    Mat. Happily encounterd, sweet bloods.
    Lod. Gentlemen, you all know Signior Candido, the Linnen
    Draper, he that's more patient then a browne Baker, vpon
    2200the day when he heates his Ouen, and has forty Scolds a-
    bout him.
    Omnes. Yes, we know him all, what of him?
    Lod. Wud it not be a good fit of mirth, to make a piece
    of English cloth of him, and to stretch him on the Tainters,
    2205till the threds of his owne naturall humor cracke, by ma-
    king him drinke healths, Tobacco, dance, sing bawdy songs,
    or to run any bias according as we thinke good to cast him?
    Car.
    The Honest Whore.
    Car. 'Twere a Morris dance worth the seeing.
    Ast. But the old Fox is so crafty, we shall hardly hunt out
    2210of his den.
    Mat. To that traine I ha giuen fire already; and the hook
    to draw him hither, is to see certaine pieces of Lawne,
    which I told him I haue to sell, and indeed haue such: fetch
    them downe, Pacheco.
    2215Orl. Yes, sir, I'm your Water-spanniell, and will fetch any
    thing: but Ile fetch one dish of meat anon, shall turne your stomacke, and that's a Constable. Exit.
    Enter Bots vshering Mistris Horsleach.
    Omnes. How now? how now?
    2220Car. What Gally-foist is this?
    Lod. Peace, two dishes of stew'd prunes, a Bawde and a
    Pander. My worthy Lieutenant Bots; why, now I see th'art
    a man of thy word, welcome; welcome Mistris Horsleach:
    Pray Gentlemen, salute this reuerend Matron.
    2225Hors. Thankes to all your Worships.
    Lod. I bade a Drawer send in wine too: did none come
    along with thee (Grannam) but the Lieutenant?
    Hors. None came along with me but Bots, if it like your
    Worship.
    2230Bots. Who the pox should come along with you but Bots?
    Enter two Uintners.
    Omnes. Oh braue! march faire.
    Lod. Are you come? that's well.
    Mat. Here's Ordnance able to sacke a Citty.
    2235Lod. Come, repeat, read this Inuentory.
    1. Uint. Imprimis, a pottle of Greeke wine, a pottle of
    Peter sa meene, a pottle of Charnico, and a pottle of Zi-
    attica.
    Lod. Y'are paid?
    22402. Uint. Yes Sir. Exeunt Vintners.
    Mat. So shall some of vs be anon, I feare.
    Bots. Here's a hot day towards: but zounds, this is the
    life
    The Honest Whore.
    life out of which a Soldier sucks sweetnesse, when this Ar-
    tillery goes off roundly, some must drop to the ground: Can-
    2245non, Demy-cannon, Saker, and Basalisk.
    Lod. Giue fire, Lieutenant.
    Bots. So, so: Must I venture first vpon the breach? to you
    all, Gallants: Bots sets vpon you all.
    Omnes. Its hard (Bots) if we pepper not you, as well as
    2250you pepper vs.
    Enter Candido.
    Lod. My noble Linnen Draper! Some wine: Welcome
    old Lad.
    Mat. Y'are welcome, Signior.
    2255Cand. These Lawnes, sir?
    Mat. Presently, my man is gone for them: we ha rigged
    a Fleet, you see here, to saile about the world.
    Cand. A dangerous Voyage, sailing in such Ships.
    Bots. There's no casting ouer boord yet.
    2260Lod. Because you are an old Lady, I will haue you be ac-
    quainted with this graue Cittizen, pray bestow your lips
    vpon him, and bid him welcome.
    Hors. Any Cittizen shall be most welcome to me:--- I
    haue vsed to buy ware at your shop.
    2265Cand. It may be so, good Madam.
    Hors. Your Prentices know my dealings well; I trust
    your good wife be in good case: if it please you, beare her a
    token from my lips, by word of mouth.
    Cand. I pray no more forsooth, 'tis very well, indeed I
    2270loue no sweet meats:---Sh'as a breath stinkes worse then
    fifty Polecats. Sir, a word, is she a Lady?
    Lod. A woman of a good house, and an ancient, shee's a
    Bawde.
    Cand. A Bawde? Sir, Ile steale hence, and see your
    2275Lawnes some other time.
    Mat. Steale out of such company? Pacheco? my man is
    but gone for em: Lieutenant Bots, drinke to this worthy old
    fellow, and teach him to flie hie.
    I Omnes.
    The Honest Whore.
    Omnes. Swagger: and make him doo't on his knees.
    2280Cand. How, Bots? now blesse me, what doe I with Bots?
    no wine in sooth, no wine, good Master Bots.
    Bots. Gray-beard, Goats pizzle: 'tis a health, haue this
    in your guts, or this, there: I will sing a bawdy song, sir, be-
    cause your vergis face is melancholly, to make liquor goe
    2285downe glib: will you fall on your maribones, and pledge
    this health, 'tis to my Mistris, a whore?
    Cand. Here's Ratsbane vpon Ratsbane: Master Bots, I
    pray, sir, pardon me: you are a Soldier, presse me not to this
    seruice, I am old, and shoot not in such pot-gunnes.
    2290Bots. Cap, Ile teach you.
    Cand. To drinke healths, is to drinke sicknesse: Gentle-
    men, pray rescue me.
    Bots. Zounds, who dare?
    Omnes. We shall ha stabbing then?
    2295Cand. I ha reckonings to cast vp, good Master Bots.
    Bots. This will make you cast em vp better.
    Lod. Why does your hand shake so?
    Cand. The palsie, Signiors, danceth in my blood.
    Bots. Pipe with a pox, sir, then, or Ile make your blood
    2300dance----
    Cand. Hold, hold, good Master Bots, I drinke.
    Omnes. To whom?
    Cand. To the old Countesse there.
    Hors. To me, old Boy? this is he that neuer drunke wine:
    2305once agen too't.
    Cand. With much adoe the poison is got downe,
    Tho I can scarce get vp; neuer before
    Dranke I a whores health, nor will neuer more.
    Enter Orlando with Lawnes.
    2310Mat. Hast bin at Gallowes?
    Orl. Yes, sir, for I make account to suffer to day.
    Mat. Looke, Signior: here's the Commodity.
    Cand. Your price?
    Mat. Thus.
    Cand
    The Honest Whore.
    2315Cand. No: too deare: thus.
    Mat. No: O fie, you must slie higher: yet take em home,
    trifles shall not make vs quarrell, we'll agree, you shall haue
    them, and a penniworth, Ile fetch money at your shop.
    Cand. Be it so, good Signior, send me going.
    2320Mat. Going? a deepe bowle of wine for Signior Candido.
    Orl. He wud be going.
    Cand. Ile rather stay, then goe so: stop your Bowle.
    Enter Constable and Bilmen.
    Lod. How now?
    2325Bots. Is't Shroue-tuesday, that these Ghosts walke.
    Mat. What's your businesse, Sir?
    Const. From the Duke: you are the man wee looke for,
    Signior, I haue Warrant here from the Duke, to apprehend
    you vpon fellony for robbing two Pedlers: I charge you
    2330i'th Dukes name goe quickly.
    Mat. Is the winde turn'd? well: this is that old Wolfe,
    my Father-in-law: seeke out your Mistris, Sirra.
    Orl. Yes, Sir: as shafts by piecing are made strong,
    So shall thy life be straightned by this wrong. Exit.
    2335Omnes. In troth we are sorry.
    Mat. Braue men must bee crost, pish, it's but Fortunes
    Dice rouing against me: Come, sir, pray vse me like a Gen-
    tleman, let me not be carried through the streets like a Pa-
    geant.
    2340Const. If these Gentlemen please, you shall goe along
    with them.
    Omnes. Bee't so: come.
    Const. What are you, sir?
    Bots. I, sir? sometimes a figure, sometimes a cipher, as the
    2345State has occasion to cast vp her accounts: I'm a Soldier.
    Const. Your name is Bots, is't not?
    Bots. Bots is my name, Bots is knowne to this Company.
    Const. I know you are, Sir: what's she?
    Bots. A Gentlewoman, my Mother.
    2350Const. Take em both along.
    I 2 Bots
    The Honest Whore.
    Bots. Me? Sirrr.
    Billmen. And Sirrr.
    Const. If he swagger, raise the street.
    Bots. Gentlemen, Gentlemen, whither will you drag vs?
    2355Lod. To the Garden house. Bots, are we euen with you?
    Const. To Bridewell with em.
    Bots. You will answer this. Exeunt.
    Const. Better then a challenge, I haue warrant for my
    worke, sir.
    2360Lod. Wee'll goe before. Exeunt.
    Const. Pray doe.
    Who, Signior Candido? a Cittizen of your degree consorted
    thus, and reuelling in such a house?
    Cand. Why, sir? what house I pray?
    2365Const. Lewd, and defamed.
    Cand. Is't so? thankes, sir: I'm gone.
    Const. What haue you there?
    Cand. Lawnes which I bought, sir, of the Gentleman
    that keepes the house.
    2370Const. And I haue warrant here, to search for such stolne
    Ware: these Lawnes are stolne.
    Cand. Indeed!
    Const. So he's the Thiefe, you the Receiuer: I'm sorry for
    this chance, I must commit you.
    2375Cand. Me, sir, for what?
    Const. These Goods are found vpon you, and you must
    answer't.
    Cand. Must I so?
    Const. Most certaine.
    Cand. Ile send for Bayle.
    2380Const.
    I dare not: yet because you are a Cittizen of worth,
    you shall not be made a pointing stocke, but without Guard
    passe onely with my selfe.
    Cand. To Bridewell too?
    Const. No remedy.
    2385Cand. Yes, patience: being not mad, they had mee once to
    Bedlam,
    Now
    The Honest Whore.
    Now I'm drawne to Bridewell, louing no Whores.
    Const. You will buy Lawne?-- Exeunt.
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