The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)

 1471.1[3.3]
 3.3.0.11472Enter at one door Lodovico and Carolo; at another Bots 1473 and Mistress Horseleech. Candido and his Bride 1474appear in the shop.
 3.3.11475Lodovico
 Hist, hist, Lieutenant Bots, how dost, man?
 3.3.21476Carolo
 Whither are you ambling, Madam Horseleech?
 3.3.31477Horseleech
 About worldly profit, sir. How do your worships?
 3.3.41478Bots
 We want tools, gentlemen, to furnish the trade. 1479They wear out day and night; they wear out till no mettle 1480be left in their back. We hear of two or three new 1481wenches are come up with a carrier, and your old 1482goshawk here [Indicating Horseleech] is flying at them.
 3.3.51483Lodovico
 [To Horseleech] And, faith, what flesh have you at home?
 3.3.61484Horseleech
 Ordinary dishes. By my troth, sweet men, thereʼs 1485few good iʼthʼ city. I am as well furnished as any, and, though 1486I say it, as well customed.
 3.3.71487Bots
 We have meats of all sorts of dressing. We have 1488stewed meat for your Frenchman, pretty light picking meat 1489for your Italian, and that which is rotten roasted for Don 1490Spaniardo.
 3.3.81491Lodovico
 A pox onʼt!
 3.3.91492Bots
 We have poultererʼs ware for your sweet bloods, as 1493dove, chicken, duck, teal, woodcock, and so forth; and 1494butcherʼs meat for the citizen. Yet muttons fall very bad 1495this year.
 3.3.101496Lodovico
 [Observing Candido and his Bride in the shop] Stay – is not that my patient linen-draper yonder, 1497and my fine young smug mistress, his wife?
 3.3.111498Carolo
 [To Horseleech] Sirrah grannam, Iʼll give thee for thy feet twenty 1499crowns, if thou canst but procure me the wearing of yon 1500velvet cap.
 3.3.121501Horseleech
 Youʼd wear another thing besides the cap. Youʼre 1502a wag.
 3.3.131503Bots
 [To her] Twenty crowns? Weʼll share, and Iʼll be your pulley 1504to draw her on.
 3.3.141505Lodovico
 Doʼt presently; weʼll haʼ some sport.
 3.3.151506Horseleech
 [To Lodovico and Carolo] Wheel you about, sweet men. Do you see? Iʼll 1507cheapen wares of the man, whilst Bots is doing with his wife.
 3.3.161508Lodovico
 Toʼt. If we come into the shop to do you grace, 1509weʼll call you madam.
 3.3.171510Bots
 [Aside to Horseleech as they approach the shop] Pox oʼyour old face! Give it the badge of all scurvy 1511faces, a mask. 
 3.3.17.1[She puts on a mask.]
 3.3.181512Candido
 What isʼt you lack, gentlewoman? Cambric or 1513lawns, or fine hollands? Pray draw near; I can sell you a 1514pennyworth.
 3.3.191515Bots
 Some cambric for my old lady.
 3.3.201516Candido
 Cambric? You shall; the purest thread in Milan.
 3.3.211517Lodovico and Carolo
 [Approaching] Save you, Signor Candido.
 3.3.221518Lodovico
 How does my noble master? How my fair mistress?
 3.3.231519Candido
 [Showing cambric to Bots] 
 3.3.23.1My worshipful good servant, view it well,
 3.3.24For ʼtis 1520both fine and even.
 3.3.251521Carolo
 [To Horseleech] Cry you mercy, madam; though masked, I thought it 1522should be you by your man. [To Candido] Pray, signor, show her the best, 1523for she commonly deals for good ware.
 3.3.261524Candido
 Then this shall fit her. – This is for your ladyship. 
 3.3.26.1[He and Horseleech talk together.]
 3.3.271525Bots
 [Talking apart to the Bride] A word, I pray. There is a waiting gentlewoman of 1526my ladyʼs. Her name is Ruina; sayʼs sheʼs your kinswoman, 1527and that you should be one of her aunts.
 3.3.281528Bride
 One of her aunts? Troth, sir, I know her not.
 3.3.291529Bots
 If it please you to bestow the poor labour of your 1530legs at any time, I will be your convoy thither.
 3.3.301531Bride
 I am a snail, sir; seldom leave my house. Ifʼt please 1532her to visit me, she shall be welcome.
 3.3.311533Bots
 Do you hear? The naked truth is my lady hath 1534a young knight, her son, who loves you. Youʼre made, if you 1535lay hold uponʼt. This jewel he sends you. 
 3.3.31.1[He offers a jewel and takes her by the hand.]
 3.3.321536Bride
 Sir, I return his love and jewel with scorn. Let 1537go my hand, or I shall call my husband. You are an arrant 1538knave. 
 3.3.32.1Exit.
 3.3.331539Lodovico
 [To Bots] What, will she do?
 3.3.341540Bots
 Do? They shall all do, if Bots sets upon them once. 1541She was as if she had professed the trade, squeamish at first. At 1542last I showed her this jewel; said a knight sent it her.
 3.3.351543Lodovico
 Isʼt gold, and right stones?
 3.3.361544Bots
 Copper, copper; I go a-fishing with these baits. 1545She nibbled, but would not swallow the hook, because 1546the conger-head her husband was by. But she bids the 1547gentleman name any afternoon, and sheʼll meet him at her 1548garden house, which I know.
 3.3.371549Lodovico
 Is this no lie, now?
 3.3.381550Bots
 Damn me if – 
 3.3.391551Lodovico
 O prithee, stay there.
 3.3.401552Bots
 The twenty crowns, sir.
 3.3.411553Lodovico
 Before he [Indicating Carolo] has his work done? But on my knightly 1554word, he shall payʼt thee.
 3.3.41.11555Enter Astolfo, Beraldo, Fontinell, and [Brian], the Irish footman.
 3.3.421556Astolfo
 [To Brian] I thought thou hadst been gone into thine own 1557country.
 3.3.431558Brian
 No, faat, la; I cannot go dis four or tree days.
 3.3.441559Beraldo
 Look thee, yonderʼs the shop, and thatʼs the man 1560himself.
 3.3.451561Fontinell
 Thou shalt but cheapen, and do as we told thee, to 1562put a jest upon him to abuse his patience.
 3.3.461563Brian
 Iʼfaat, I doubt my pate shall be knocked. But, sa Crees 1564saʼ me, for your shakes I will run to any linen-draper in 1565hell. Come, predee.
 3.3.471566Astolfo, Beraldo, and Fontinell
 Save you, gallants.
 3.3.481567Lodovico and Carolo
 O, well met!
 3.3.491568Candido
 [To Horseleech] Youʼll give no more, you say? I cannot take it.
 3.3.501569Horseleech
 Truly, Iʼll give no more.
 1570Candido 
 Truly, Iʼll give no more.  It must not fetch it. 
 3.3.51[To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell] 
 3.3.51.1What would you have, sweet 1571gentlemen? 
 3.3.521572Astolfo
 [Indicating Brian] Nay, hereʼs the customer.
 3.3.52.1Exeunt Bots and Horseleech.
 3.3.531573Lodovico
 [Aside] The garden house, you say? Weʼll bolt out your 1574roguery.
 3.3.541575Candido
 [To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell] 
 3.3.54.1I will but lay these parcels by; my men
 3.3.55Are all 1576at Custom-House unloading wares.
 3.3.56If cambric you would 1577deal in, thereʼs the best;
 3.3.57All Milan cannot sample it. 
 3.3.57.1[He displays cambric.]
 3.3.581578Lodovico
 [To him] Do you hear? One, two, three – ʼsfoot, there came in four 1579gallants! Sure your wife is slipped up, and the fourth man, I hold 1580my life, is grafting your warden tree.
 3.3.591581Candido
 Ha, ha, ha! You gentlemen are full of jest.
 3.3.601582If she be up, sheʼs gone some wares to show;
 3.3.611583I have above as good wares as below.
 3.3.621584Lodovico
 Have you so? Nay, then – 
 3.3.631585Candido
 [To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell] 
 3.3.63.1Now, gentlemen, isʼt cambrics?
 3.3.641586Brian
 I predee, now, let me have de best wares.
 3.3.651587Candido
 Whatʼs that he says, pray, gentlemen?
 3.3.661588Lodovico
 Marry, he says we are like to have the best wars.
 3.3.671589Candido
 The best wars? All are bad. Yet wars do good.
 3.3.681590And, like to surgeons, let sick kingdoms blood.
 3.3.691591Brian
 Faat a devil pratʼst tou so? A pox on dee! I predee, 1592let me see some hollen, to make linen shirts, for fear my 1593body be lousy.
 3.3.701594Candido
 Indeed, I understand no word he speaks.
 3.3.711595Carolo
 Marry, he says that at the siege in Holland there was 1596much bawdry used among the soldiers, though they were 1597lousy.
 3.3.721598Candido
 It may be so; thatʼs likely – true, indeed.
 3.3.731599In every garden, sir, does grow that weed.
 3.3.741600Brian
 Pox on de gardens, and de weeds, and de foolʼs 1601cap dere, and de clouts, hear? Dost make a hobby-horse 1602of me?
 3.3.74.1[He tears the cambric.]
 3.3.751603All Gentlemen
 O fie, he has torn the cambric! 
 1604Candido
 O fie, he has torn the cambric!   ʼTis no matter.
 3.3.761605Astolfo
 It frets me to the soul.
 1606Candido
 It frets me to the soul.  So doesʼt not me.
 3.3.771607My customers do oft for remnants call;
 3.3.781608These are two remnants now, no loss at all.
 3.3.791609But let me tell you, were my servants here,
 3.3.801610It would haʼ cost more. – Thank you, gentlemen.
 3.3.811611I use you well; pray know my shop again. 
 3.3.81.1Exit.
 3.3.821612All Gentlemen
 Ha, ha, ha! Come, come; letʼs go, letʼs go. 
 3.3.82.1Exeunt.
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The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
