Digital Renaissance Editions

About this text

  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)

    1037.1[3.1]
    Enter Orlando [as Pacheco, with Hippolito始s letter, purse, and diamond ring], and Infelice.
    Infelice
    From whom, sayst thou?
    1040Orlando
    From a poor gentlewoman, madam, whom I serve.
    Infelice
    And what始s your business?
    Orlando
    This, madam: my poor mistress has a waste piece of ground, which is her own by inheritance, and left to her by her mother. There始s a lord now that goes about, 1045not to take it clean from her, but to enclose it to himself, and to join it to a piece of his lordship始s.
    Infelice
    What would she have me do in this?
    Orlando
    No more, madam, but what one woman should do for another in such a case. My honourable lord your 1050husband would do anything in her behalf, but she had rather put herself into your hands, because you, a woman, may do more with the Duke your father.
    Infelice
    Where lies this land?
    Orlando
    Within a stone始s throw of this place. My mistress 1055would be content to let him enjoy it after her decease, if that would serve his turn, so my master would yield too; but she cannot abide to hear that the lord should meddle with it in her lifetime.
    Infelice
    Is she, then, married? Why stirs not her husband 1060in it?
    Orlando
    Her husband stirs in it underhand. But, because the other is a great rich man, my master is loath to be seen in it too much.
    Infelice
    Let her in writing draw the cause at large,
    1065And I will move the Duke.
    Orlando
    [Holding up Hippolito始s letter] 始Tis set down, madam, here in black and white already. Work it so, madam, that she may keep her own without disturbance, grievance, molestation, or meddling of any other, and she bestows this purse of gold on your 1070ladyship.
    [He holds up Hippolito始s purse.]
    Infelice
    Old man, I始ll plead for her, but take no fees.
    Give lawyers them; I swim not in that flood.
    I始ll touch no gold till I have done her good.
    Orlando
    I would all proctors始 clerks were of your mind; 1075I should law more amongst them than I do, then. Here, madam, is the survey, not only of the manor itself, but of the grange house, with every meadow, pasture, plough-land, cony-burrow, fish-pond, hedge, ditch, and bush that stands in it.
    [He gives her the letter.]
    1080Infelice
    [Reading the letter] My husband始s name and hand and seal at arms
    To a love letter? Where hadst thou this writing?
    Orlando
    From the foresaid party, madam, that would keep the foresaid land out of the foresaid lord始s fingers.
    Infelice
    My lord turned ranger now?
    1085Orlando
    You始re a good huntress, lady; you ha始 found your game already. Your lord would fain be a ranger, but my mistress requests you to let him run a course in your own park. If you始ll not do始t for love, then do始t for money. She has no white money, but there始s gold [Giving her the purse]; or else she prays you 1090to ring him by this token [Giving her the diamond ring], and so you shall be sure his nose will not be rooting other men始s pastures.
    Infelice
    This very purse was woven with mine own hands;
    This diamond on that very night when he
    Untied my virgin girdle gave I him;
    1095And must a common harlot share in mine?
    Old man, to quit thy pains, take thou the gold.
    Orlando
    Not I, madam; old servingmen want no money.
    Infelice
    [Reading] Cupid himself was sure his secretary!
    These lines are even the arrows Love lets fly;
    1100The very ink dropped out of Venus始 eye.
    Orlando
    I do not think, madam, but he fetched off some poet or other for those lines, for they are parlous hawks to fly at wenches.
    Infelice
    Here始s honeyed poison! To me he ne始er thus writ;
    1105But lust can set a double edge on wit.
    Orlando
    Nay, that始s true, madam; a wench will whet anything, if it be not too dull.
    Infelice
    Oaths, promises, preferments, jewels, gold –
    What snares should break if all these cannot hold?
    1110What creature is thy mistress?
    Orlando
    One of those creatures that are contrary to man – a woman.
    Infelice
    What manner of woman?
    Orlando
    A little tiny woman, lower than your ladyship by 1115head and shoulders, but as mad a wench as ever unlaced a petticoat. These things should I indeed have delivered to my lord your husband.
    Infelice
    They are delivered better. Why should she
    Send back these things?
    1120Orlando
    始Ware, 始ware, there始s knavery!
    Infelice
    Strumpets, like cheating gamesters, will not win
    At first; these are but baits to draw him in.
    How might I learn his hunting hours?
    Orlando
    The Irish footman can tell you all his hunting 1125hours, the park he hunts in, the doe he would strike. That Irish shackatory beats the bush for him, and knows all. He brought that letter and that ring; he is the carrier.
    Infelice
    Knowst thou what other gifts have passed between them?
    1130Orlando
    Little Saint Patrick knows all.
    Infelice
    Him I始ll examine presently.
    Orlando
    Not whilst I am here, sweet madam.
    Infelice
    Begone then, and what lies in me command.
    Exit Orlando.
    Enter Brian.
    1135Infelice
    Come hither, sirrah. How much cost those satins
    And cloth of silver which my husband sent
    By you to a low gentlewoman yonder?
    Faat satins, faat silvers, faat low gentlefolks? Dow prat始st dow knowst not what, i始faat, la.
    1140Infelice
    She there, to whom you carried letters.
    By dis hand and bod dow sayst true, if I did so, O how? I know not a letter o始de book, i始faat, la.
    Infelice
    Did your lord never send you with a ring, sir,
    Set with a diamond?
    Never, sa Crees sa始 me, never! He may run at a towsand rings, i始faat, and I never hold his stirrup till he leap into de saddle. By Saint Patrick, madam, I never touch my lord始s diamond, nor ever had to, i始faat, la, with any of his precious stones.
    1150Enter Hippolito.
    Infelice
    Are you so close, you bawd, you pand始ring slave?
    [She strikes Brian.]
    Hippolito
    How now? Why, Infelice, what始s your quarrel?
    Infelice
    [To Brian] Out of my sight, base varlet, get thee gone!
    Hippolito
    Away, you rogue!
    Slawne loot, fare de well, fare de well. Ah marragh frofat boddah breen.
    Exit.
    Hippolito
    What, grown a fighter? Prithee, what始s the matter?
    Infelice
    If you始ll needs know, it was about the clock.
    How works the day, my lord, pray, by your watch?
    1160Hippolito
    Lest you cuff me, I始ll tell you presently.
    [Consulting his watch] I am near two.
    Infelice
    [Consulting her watch] How, two? I am scarce at one.
    Hippolito
    One of us then goes false.
    Infelice
    Then sure 始tis you;
    1165Mine goes by heaven始s dial, the sun, and it goes true.
    Hippolito
    I think indeed mine runs somewhat too fast.
    Infelice
    Set it to mine, at one, then.
    Hippolito
    One? 始Tis past;
    始Tis past one, by the sun.
    1170Infelice
    Faith, then, belike
    Neither your clock nor mine does truly strike;
    And since it is uncertain which goes true,
    Better be false at one than false at two.
    Hippolito
    You始re very pleasant, madam.
    1175Infelice
    Yet not merry.
    Hippolito
    Why, Infelice, what should make you sad?
    Infelice
    Nothing, my lord, but my false watch. Pray tell me:
    You see my clock or yours is out of frame –
    Must we upon the workman lay the blame,
    1180Or on ourselves, that keep them?
    Hippolito
    Faith, on both.
    He may by knavery spoil them, we by sloth.
    But why talk you all riddle thus? I read
    Strange comments in those margins of your looks;
    1185Your cheeks of late are, like bad-printed books,
    So dimly charactered I scarce can spell
    One line of love in them. Sure all始s not well.
    Infelice
    All is not well indeed, my dearest lord;
    Lock up thy gates of hearing, that no sound
    1190Of what I speak may enter –
    Hippolito
    What means this?
    Infelice
    Or if my own tongue must myself betray,
    Count it a dream, or turn thine eyes away,
    And think me not thy wife.
    She kneels.
    1195Hippolito
    Why do you kneel?
    Infelice
    Earth is sin始s cushion; when the sick soul feels
    Herself growing poor, then she turns beggar, cries
    And kneels for help. Hippolito – for husband
    I dare not call thee – I have stol始n that jewel
    Of my chaste honour which 1200was only thine,
    And given it to a slave.
    Hippolito
    Ha?
    Infelice
    On thy pillow
    Adultery and lust have slept. Thy groom
    Hath climbed the unlawful tree, and plucked the sweets;
    A villain hath usurped a husband始s sheets.
    1205Hippolito
    始Sdeath! Who? – A cuckold! – Who?
    Infelice
    This Irish footman.
    Hippolito
    Worse than damnation! A wild kern, a frog,
    A dog, whom I始ll scarce spurn! Longed you for shamrock?
    Were it my father始s father, heart, I始ll kill him,
    Although I 1210take him on his deathbed gasping
    始Twixt heaven and hell! A shag-haired cur!
    [She clings to his garment.]
    Bold strumpet,
    Why hangst thou on me? Thinkst I始ll be a bawd
    To a whore because she始s noble?
    Infelice
    I beg but this:
    Set not my shame out to the world始s broad eye,
    1215Yet let thy vengeance, like my fault, soar high,
    So it be in darkened clouds.
    Hippolito
    Darkened? My horns
    Cannot be darkened, nor shall my revenge.
    A harlot to my slave? The act is base –
    1220Common, but foul; so shall not thy disgrace.
    Could not I feed your appetite? – O women!
    You were created angels, pure and fair;
    But since the first fell, tempting devils you are.
    You should be men始s bliss, but you prove their rods;
    1225Were there no women, men might live like gods. –
    You ha始 been too much down already. Rise,
    Get from my sight, and henceforth shun my bed;
    I始ll with no strumpet始s breath be poisonèd.
    [She rises.]
    As for your Irish lubrican, that spirit
    1230Whom by prepost始rous charms thy lust hath raised
    In a wrong circle, him I始ll damn more black
    Then any tyrant始s soul.
    Infelice
    Hippolito!
    Hippolito
    Tell me, didst thou bait hooks to draw him to 1235thee,
    Or did he bewitch thee?
    Infelice
    The slave did woo me.
    Hippolito
    Tu-whoos in that screech-owls始s language?
    O, who would trust your cork-heeled sex? I think,
    To sate your lust, you would love a horse, a bear,
    A croaking toad, 1240so your hot itching veins
    Might have their bond. Then the wild Irish dart
    Was thrown? Come, how? The manner of this fight?
    Infelice
    始Twas thus: he gave me this battery first.
    [She gives him the letter.]
    O, I
    Mistake – believe me, all this in beaten gold.
    [She gives him the purse.]
    1245Yet I held out, but at length by this was charmed.
    [She gives him the diamond ring.]
    What? Change your diamond-wench? The act is base –
    Common, but foul; so shall not your disgrace.
    Could not I feed your appetite? – O men!
    You were created angels, pure and fair;
    1250But since the first fell, worse than devils you are.
    You should our shields be, but you prove our rods;
    Were there no men, women might live like gods. –
    Guilty, my lord?
    Hippolito
    [Laughing] Yes, guilty, my good lady.
    1255Infelice
    Nay, you may laugh, but henceforth shun my bed;
    With no whore始s leavings I始ll be poisonèd.
    Exit.
    Hippolito
    O始erreached so finely? 始Tis the very diamond
    And letter which I sent. This villainy
    Some spider closely weaves, whose poisoned bulk
    1260I must let forth. [Calling out] Who始s there without?
    Servant
    (Within) My lord calls.
    Hippolito
    Send me the footman.
    Servant
    [Within] Call the footman to my lord. – Brian, Brian!
    1265Hippolito
    It can be no man else – that Irish Judas,
    Bred in a country where no venom prospers
    But in the nation始s blood, hath thus betrayed me.
    Enter Brian.
    Slave, get you from your service!
    Faat meanst thou by this, now?
    1270Hippolito
    Question me not, nor tempt my fury, villain!
    Couldst thou turn all the mountains in the land
    To hills of gold to give me, here thou stayst not.
    I始faat, I care not.
    Hippolito
    Prate not, but get thee gone; I shall send else.
    Ay, do, pridee! I had rather have thee make a scabbard of my guts, and let out all de Irish puddings in my poor belly, den to be a false knave to dee, i始faat. I will never see dine own sweet face more. A mawhid deer a gra! Fare dee well, fare dee well! I will go steal cows again in Ireland.
    Exit.
    1280Hippolito
    He始s damned that raised this whirlwind, which hath blown
    Into her eyes this jealousy. Yet I始ll on,
    I始ll on, stood armèd devils staring in my face.
    To be pursued in flight quickens the race.
    1285Shall my bloodstreams by a wife始s lust be barred?
    Fond woman, no. Iron grows by strokes more hard;
    Lawless desires are seas scorning all bounds,
    Or sulphur which, being rammed up, more confounds;
    Struggling with madmen madness nothing tames;
    1290Winds wrestling with great fires incense the flames.
    Exit.