Peer Reviewed
The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
1471.1[3.3]
3.3.0.11472Enter at one door Lodovico and Carolo; at another Bots 1473 and Mistress Horseleech. Candido and his Bride 1474appear in the shop.
Hist, hist, Lieutenant Bots, how dost, man?
Whither are you ambling, Madam Horseleech?
About worldly profit, sir. How do your worships?
We want tools, gentlemen, to furnish the trade. 1479They wear out day and night; they wear out till no mettle 1480be left in their back. We hear of two or three new 1481wenches are come up with a carrier, and your old 1482goshawk here [Indicating Horseleech] is flying at them.
[To Horseleech] And, faith, what flesh have you at home?
Ordinary dishes. By my troth, sweet men, there始s 1485few good i始th始 city. I am as well furnished as any, and, though 1486I say it, as well customed.
We have meats of all sorts of dressing. We have 1488stewed meat for your Frenchman, pretty light picking meat 1489for your Italian, and that which is rotten roasted for Don 1490Spaniardo.
A pox on始t!
We have poulterer始s ware for your sweet bloods, as 1493dove, chicken, duck, teal, woodcock, and so forth; and 1494butcher始s meat for the citizen. Yet muttons fall very bad 1495this year.
[Observing Candido and his Bride in the shop] Stay – is not that my patient linen-draper yonder, 1497and my fine young smug mistress, his wife?
[To Horseleech] Sirrah grannam, I始ll give thee for thy feet twenty 1499crowns, if thou canst but procure me the wearing of yon 1500velvet cap.
You始d wear another thing besides the cap. You始re 1502a wag.
[To her] Twenty crowns? We始ll share, and I始ll be your pulley 1504to draw her on.
Do始t presently; we始ll ha始 some sport.
[To Lodovico and Carolo] Wheel you about, sweet men. Do you see? I始ll 1507cheapen wares of the man, whilst Bots is doing with his wife.
To始t. If we come into the shop to do you grace, 1509we始ll call you madam.
[Aside to Horseleech as they approach the shop] Pox o始your old face! Give it the badge of all scurvy 1511faces, a mask.
3.3.17.1[She puts on a mask.]
What is始t you lack, gentlewoman? Cambric or 1513lawns, or fine hollands? Pray draw near; I can sell you a 1514pennyworth.
Some cambric for my old lady.
Cambric? You shall; the purest thread in Milan.
[Approaching] Save you, Signor Candido.
How does my noble master? How my fair mistress?
[Showing cambric to Bots]
3.3.23.1My worshipful good servant, view it well,
[To Horseleech] Cry you mercy, madam; though masked, I thought it 1522should be you by your man. [To Candido] Pray, signor, show her the best, 1523for she commonly deals for good ware.
Then this shall fit her. – This is for your ladyship.
3.3.26.1[He and Horseleech talk together.]
[Talking apart to the Bride] A word, I pray. There is a waiting gentlewoman of 1526my lady始s. Her name is Ruina; say始s she始s your kinswoman, 1527and that you should be one of her aunts.
One of her aunts? Troth, sir, I know her not.
If it please you to bestow the poor labour of your 1530legs at any time, I will be your convoy thither.
I am a snail, sir; seldom leave my house. If始t please 1532her to visit me, she shall be welcome.
Do you hear? The naked truth is my lady hath 1534a young knight, her son, who loves you. You始re made, if you 1535lay hold upon始t. This jewel he sends you.
3.3.31.1[He offers a jewel and takes her by the hand.]
Sir, I return his love and jewel with scorn. Let 1537go my hand, or I shall call my husband. You are an arrant 1538knave.
3.3.32.1Exit.
[To Bots] What, will she do?
Do? They shall all do, if Bots sets upon them once. 1541She was as if she had professed the trade, squeamish at first. At 1542last I showed her this jewel; said a knight sent it her.
Is始t gold, and right stones?
Copper, copper; I go a-fishing with these baits. 1545She nibbled, but would not swallow the hook, because 1546the conger-head her husband was by. But she bids the 1547gentleman name any afternoon, and she始ll meet him at her 1548garden house, which I know.
Is this no lie, now?
Damn me if –
O prithee, stay there.
The twenty crowns, sir.
Before he [Indicating Carolo] has his work done? But on my knightly 1554word, he shall pay始t thee.
[To Brian] I thought thou hadst been gone into thine own 1557country.
No, faat, la; I cannot go dis four or tree days.
Look thee, yonder始s the shop, and that始s the man 1560himself.
Thou shalt but cheapen, and do as we told thee, to 1562put a jest upon him to abuse his patience.
I始faat, I doubt my pate shall be knocked. But, sa Crees 1564sa始 me, for your shakes I will run to any linen-draper in 1565hell. Come, predee.
Save you, gallants.
O, well met!
[To Horseleech] You始ll give no more, you say? I cannot take it.
Truly, I始ll give no more.
1570Candido
It must not fetch it.
3.3.51[To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell]
[Indicating Brian] Nay, here始s the customer.
3.3.52.1Exeunt Bots and Horseleech.
[Aside] The garden house, you say? We始ll bolt out your 1574roguery.
[To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell]
3.3.54.1I will but lay these parcels by; my men
3.3.57All Milan cannot sample it.
3.3.57.1[He displays cambric.]
[To him] Do you hear? One, two, three – 始sfoot, there came in four 1579gallants! Sure your wife is slipped up, and the fourth man, I hold 1580my life, is grafting your warden tree.
Ha, ha, ha! You gentlemen are full of jest.
Have you so? Nay, then –
[To Astolfo, Bernardo, and Fontinell]
3.3.63.1Now, gentlemen, is始t cambrics?
I predee, now, let me have de best wares.
What始s that he says, pray, gentlemen?
Marry, he says we are like to have the best wars.
The best wars? All are bad. Yet wars do good.
Faat a devil prat始st tou so? A pox on dee! I predee, 1592let me see some hollen, to make linen shirts, for fear my 1593body be lousy.
Indeed, I understand no word he speaks.
Marry, he says that at the siege in Holland there was 1596much bawdry used among the soldiers, though they were 1597lousy.
It may be so; that始s likely – true, indeed.
Pox on de gardens, and de weeds, and de fool始s 1601cap dere, and de clouts, hear? Dost make a hobby-horse 1602of me?
3.3.74.1[He tears the cambric.]
O fie, he has torn the cambric!
1604Candido
始Tis no matter.
It frets me to the soul.
1606Candido
So does始t not me.
3.3.81.1Exit.
Ha, ha, ha! Come, come; let始s go, let始s go.
3.3.82.1Exeunt.