The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)

 2427.1[5.2]
 5.2.0.12428Enter Duke, Carolo, Astolfo, Beraldo, Fontinell, three 2429or four Masters of Bridewell, [and] Infelice.
 5.2.12430Duke
 [To the Masters] Your Bridewell? That the name? For beauty, strength,
 5.2.22431Capacity, and form of ancient building,
 5.2.32432Besides the riverʼs neighbourhood, few houses
 5.2.42433Wherein we keep our court can better it.
 5.2.524341 Master
 Hither from foreign courts have princes come,
 5.2.62435And with our duke did acts of state commence.
 5.2.72436Here that great cardinal had first audience,
 5.2.82437The grave Campayne; that duke dead, his son,
 5.2.92438That famous prince, gave free possession
 5.2.102439Of this his palace to the citizens
 5.2.112440To be the poor manʼs warehouse, and endowed it
 5.2.122441With lands to thʼvalue of seven hundred mark,
 5.2.132442With all the bedding and the furniture once proper,
 5.2.142443As the lands then were, to an hospital
 5.2.152444Belonging to a Duke of Savoy. Thus
 5.2.162445Fortune can toss the world; a princeʼs court
 5.2.172446Is thus a prison now.
 2447Duke
 Is thus a prison now.  ʼTis Fortuneʼs sport.
 5.2.182448These changes common are; the wheel of fate
 5.2.192449Turns kingdoms up till they fall desolate.
 5.2.202450But how are these seven hundred marks by thʼyear
 5.2.212451Employed in this your workhouse?
 24521 Master
 Employed in this your workhouse?  War and peace
 5.2.222453Feed both upon those lands. When the iron doors
 5.2.232454Of wars burst open, from this house are sent
 5.2.242455Men furnished in all martial complement. 
 5.2.252456The moon hath through her bow scarce drawn to thʼhead,
 5.2.262457Like to twelve silver arrows, all the months,
 5.2.272458Since sixteen hundred soldiers went aboard.
 5.2.282459Here providence and charity play such parts
 5.2.292460The house is like a very school of arts;
 5.2.302461For when our soldiers, like ships driven from sea,
 5.2.312462With ribs all broken and with tattered sides,
 5.2.322463Cast anchor here again, their raggèd backs
 5.2.332464How often do we cover, that like men
 5.2.342465They may be sent to their own homes again?
 5.2.352466All here are but one swarm of bees, and strive
 5.2.362467To bring with wearied thighs honey to the hive.
 5.2.372468The sturdy beggar and the lazy loon
 5.2.382469Gets here hard hands or laced correction.
 5.2.392470The vagabond grows staid and learns tʼobey;
 5.2.402471The drone is beaten well and sent away.
 5.2.412472As other prisons are, some for the thief,
 5.2.422473Some by which undone credit gets relief
 5.2.432474From bridled debtors, others for the poor,
 5.2.442475So this is for the bawd, the rogue, and whore.
 5.2.452476Carolo
 An excellent team of horse!
 247724781 Master
 An excellent team of horse!  Nor is it seen
 5.2.462479That the whip draws blood here to cool the spleen
 5.2.472480Of any rugged bencher, nor does offence
 5.2.482481Feel smart on spiteful or rash evidence,
 5.2.492482But pregnant testimony forth must stand
 5.2.502483Ere justice leave them in the beadleʼs hand.
 5.2.512484As iron on the anvil are they laid
 5.2.522485Not to take blows alone, but to be made
 5.2.532486And fashioned to some charitable use.
 5.2.542487Duke
 Thus wholsomʼst laws spring from the worst 2488abuse.
 5.2.54.12489Enter Orlando [as Pacheco], before Bellafront.
 5.2.552490Bellafront
 Let mercy touch your heart-strings, gracious lord,
 5.2.562491That it may sound like music in the ear
 5.2.572492Of a man desperate, being iʼthʼ hands of law.
 5.2.582493Duke
 His name?
 2494Bellafront
 His name?  Mattheo.
 2495Duke
 His name? Mattheo.  For a robbery?
 5.2.59Where is he?
 2496Bellafront
 Where is he?  In this house.
 2497Duke
 Where is he? In this house.  Fetch you him hither.
 5.2.58.1Exit Bellafront and one of the Masters of Bridewell.
 2498[To Orlando] Is this the party?
 5.2.602499Orlando
 This is the hen, my lord, that the cock with the 2500lordly comb, your son-in-law, would crow over and 2501tread.
 5.2.612502Duke
 Are your two servants ready?
 5.2.622503Orlando
 My two pedlars are packed together, my good lord.
 5.2.632504Duke
 ʼTis well. This day in judgement shall be spent;
 5.2.642505Vice, like a wound lanced, mends by punishment.
 5.2.652506Infelice
 Let me be gone, my lord, or stand unseen;
 5.2.662507ʼTis rare when a judge strikes and that none die,
 5.2.672508And ʼtis unfit then women should be by.
 5.2.6825091 Master
 Weʼll place you, lady, in some private room.
 5.2.692510Infelice
 Pray do so.
 5.2.69.1Exit [with a Master].
 5.2.702511Orlando
 [Aside] Thus nice dames swear it is unfit their eyes
 5.2.712512Should view men carved up for anatomies;
 5.2.722513Yet theyʼll see all, so they may stand unseen.
 5.2.732514Many women sure will sin behind a screen.
 5.2.73.12515Enter Lodovico.
 5.2.742516Lodovico
 [To the Duke] Your son the lord Hippolito is entered.
 5.2.752517Duke
 Tell him we wish his presence. – A word, Sforza:
 5.2.762518On what wings flew he hither?
 5.2.772519Lodovico
 These – I told him his lark whom he loved was 2520a Bridewell bird; heʼs mad that this cage should hold her, 2521and is come to let her out.
 5.2.782522Duke
 ʼTis excellent. Away, go call him hither. 
 5.2.78.1Exit Lodovico.
 5.2.78.22523Enter one of the Masters of the house; Bellafront after him 2524with Mattheo; after him the Constable. Enter at another 2525door Lodovico and Hippolito. Orlando steps 2526forth and brings in two [Servants disguised as] Pedlars.
 5.2.792527Duke
 [To Hippolito] You are to us a stranger, worthy lord;
 5.2.802528ʼTis strange to see you here.
 2529Hippolito
 ʼTis strange to see you here.  It is most fit
 5.2.812530That where the sun goes atomies follow it.
 5.2.822531Duke
 Atomies neither shape nor honour bear;
 5.2.832532Be you yourself, a sunbeam to shine clear.
 5.2.842533[Indicating Mattheo] Is this the gentleman? Stand forth and hear
 5.2.85Your accusation.
 5.2.862534Mattheo
 Iʼll hear none; I fly high in that. Rather than kites 2535shall seize upon me and pick out mine eyes to my face, Iʼll 2536strike my talons through mine own heart first, and spit my 2537blood in theirs. I am here for shriving those two fools of 2538their sinful pack. When those jackdaws have cawed 2539over me, then must I cry guilty or not guilty. The law has 2540work enough already, and therefore Iʼll put no work of 2541mine into his hands. The hangman shall haʼt first. I did pluck 2542those ganders, did rob them.
 5.2.872543Duke
 ʼTis well done to confess.
 5.2.882544Mattheo
 Confess and be hanged, and then I fly high, isʼt not 2545so? That for that! A gallows is the worst rub that a good 2546bowler can meet with. I stumbled against such a post. Else 2547this night I had played the part of a true son in these days, 2548undone my father-in-law. With him would I haʼ run at 2549leap-frog, and come over his gold, though I had broke his neck 2550forʼt; but the poor salmon-trout is now in the net.
 5.2.892551Hippolito
 And now the law must teach you to fly high.
 5.2.902552Mattheo
 Right, my lord, and then may you fly low. No more 2553words – a mouse; mum; you are stopped.
 5.2.912554Bellafront
 Be good to my poor husband, dear my lords.
 5.2.922555Mattheo
 Ass!
 5.2.93Why shouldst thou pray them to be good to 2556me, 
 5.2.94When no man here is good to one another?
 5.2.952557Duke
 Did any hand work in this theft but yours?
 5.2.962558Mattheo
 O yes, my lord, yes. The hangman has never 2559one son at a birth; his children always come by couples. 2560Though I cannot give the old dog my father a bone to gnaw, 2561the daughter shall be sure of a choke-pear. Yes, my 2562lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine pedlars, and 2563that was my wife.
 5.2.972564Bellafront
 Alas! I?
 5.2.982565Orlando
 [Aside] O everlasting, supernatural, superlative villain!
 5.2.992566All Others
 Your wife, Mattheo?
 2567Hippolito
 Your wife, Mattheo?  Sure it cannot be!
 5.2.1002568Mattheo
 O sir, you love no quarters of mutton that hang 2569up; you love none but whole mutton. She set the roberry, I 2570performed it. She spurred me on, I galloped away.
 5.2.1012571Orlando
 My lords – 
 5.2.1022572Bellafront
 My lords – fellow, give me speech – if my poor life
 5.2.1032573May ransom thine [To Mattheo], I yield it to the law.
 5.2.1042574Thou hurtst thy soul, yet wipʼst off no offence,
 5.2.1052575By casting blots upon my innocence.
 5.2.1062576Let not these spare me, but tell truth – no, see
 5.2.1072577Who slips his neck out of the misery
 5.2.1082578Though not out of the mischief. Let thy servant,
 5.2.1092579That shared in this base act, accuse me here.
 5.2.1102580Why should my husband perish, he go clear?
 5.2.1112581Orlando
 [Aside] A good child! Hang thine own father!
 5.2.1122582Duke
 [To Orlando] Old fellow, was thy hand in too?
 5.2.1132583Orlando
 My hand was in the pie, my lord, I confess it. My 2584mistress, I see, will bring me to the gallows, and so leave me. 2585But Iʼll not leave her so. I had rather hang in a womanʼs 2586company than in a manʼs; because, if we should go to hell together, 2587I should scarce be letten in, for all the devils are afraid to 2588have any women come amongst them. As I am true thief, 2589she neither consented to this felony nor knew of it.
 5.2.1142590Duke
 [To Mattheo] What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife?
 5.2.1152591Mattheo
 Itʼs my humour, sir; ʼtis a foolish bagpipe that I 2592make myself merry with. Why should I eat hempseed 2593at the hangmanʼs thirteenpence-halfpenny ordinary, 2594and have this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter?
 5.2.1162595Duke
 Is she a whore?
 5.2.1172596Mattheo
 A sixpenny mutton pasty, for any to cut up.
 5.2.1182597Orlando
 [Aside] Ah, toad, toad, toad!
 5.2.1192598Mattheo
 A barberʼs cittern for every servingman to play 2599upon. That lord your son knows it.
 5.2.1202600Hippolito
 I, sir? Am I her bawd, then?
 5.2.1212601Mattheo
 No, sir, but sheʼs your whore, then.
 5.2.1222602Orlando
 [Aside] Yea, spider, dost catch at great flies?
 5.2.1232603Hippolito
 My whore?
 5.2.1242604Mattheo
 I cannot talk, sir, and tell of your rems and your 2605rees and your whirligigs and devices. [To the Duke] But, my lord, I 2606found ʼem like sparrows in one nest, billing together and 2607bulling of me. I took ʼem in bed, was ready to kill him was 2608up to stab her – 
 5.2.1252609Hippolito
 Close thy rank jaws!
 Close thy rank jaws!  [To the Duke] Pardon me, I am vexed.
 5.2.1262610[To Mattheo] Thou art a villain, a malicious devil;
 5.2.1272611Deep as the place where thou art lost thou liʼst!
 5.2.1282612Since I am thus far got into this storm
 5.2.1292613Iʼll through, and thou shalt see Iʼll through untouched,
 5.2.1302614When thou shalt perish in it.
 5.2.130.12615Enter Infelice.
 2616Infelice
 When thou shalt perish in it.  ʼTis my cue
 5.2.1312617To enter now. – Room! Let my prize be played.
 5.2.1322618I haʼ lurked in clouds, yet heard what all have said.
 5.2.1332619What jury more can prove she has wronged my bed
 5.2.1342620Than her own husband? She must be punishèd.
 5.2.1352621[To the Duke] I challenge law, my lord; letters and gold
 5.2.136And jewels 2622from my lord that woman took!
 5.2.1372623Hippolito
 Against that black-mouthed devil, against letters 2624and gold,
 5.2.1382625And against a jealous wife I do uphold
 5.2.1392626Thus far her reputation: I could sooner
 5.2.1402627Shake the Apennine and crumble rocks to dust
 5.2.1412628Than, though Joveʼs showʼr rained down, tempt her to lust.
 5.2.1422629Bellafront
 What shall I say?
 5.2.142.12630[Orlando] discovers himself.
 5.2.1432631Orlando
 Say thou art not a whore, and thatʼs more than 2632fifteen women amongst five hundred dare swear 2633without lying. This shalt thou say – no, let me sayʼt for thee: thy 2634husbandʼs a knave, this lordʼs an honest man, thou art no 2635punk, this ladyʼs a right lady. Pacheco is a thief as his 2636master is, but old Orlando is as true a man as thy father is. [To Mattheo] 2637I haʼ seen you fly high, sir, and I haʼ seen you fly low, sir; and to 2638keep you from the gallows, sir, a blue coat have I worn, 2639and a thief did I turn. Mine own men are the pedlars. My 2640twenty pound did fly high, sir. Your wifeʼs gown did fly 2641low, sir. Whither fly you now, sir? You haʼ scaped the 2642gallows; to the devil you fly next, sir. – Am I right, my liege?
 5.2.1442643Duke
 [To Mattheo] Your father has the true physician played.
 5.2.1452644Mattheo
 And I am now his patient.
 2645Hippolito
 And I am now his patient.  And be so still;
 5.2.146ʼTis a good sign when our cheeks 2646blush at ill.
 5.2.1472647Constable
 The linen-draper, Signor Candido,
 5.2.1482648He whom the city terms the patient man,
 5.2.1492649Is likewise here for buying of those lawns
 5.2.1502650The pedlars lost.
 2651Infelice
 The pedlars lost.  Alas, good Candido!
 5.2.1512652Duke
 Fetch him.
 5.2.151.1Exit Constable.
 Fetch him.  And when these payments up are cast,
 5.2.1522653Weigh out your light gold, but letʼs have them last.
 5.2.152.12654Enter Candido and Constable [who soon goes out].
 5.2.1532655Duke
 In Bridewell, Candido?
 2656Candido
 In Bridewell, Candido?  Yes, my good lord.
 5.2.1542657Duke
 What make you here?
 2658Candido
 What make you here?  My lord, what make you here?
 5.2.1552659Duke
 Iʼm here to save right, and to drive wrong hence.
 5.2.1562660Candido
 And I to bear wrong here with patience.
 5.2.1572661Duke
 You haʼ bought stolʼn goods.
 2662Candido
 You haʼ bought stolʼn goods.  So they do say, my lord;
 5.2.1582663Yet bought I them upon a gentlemanʼs word.
 5.2.1592664And I imagine now, as I thought then,
 5.2.1602665That there be thieves, but no thieves gentlemen.
 5.2.1612666Hippolito
 Your creditʼs cracked, being here.
 2667Candido
 Your creditʼs cracked, being here.  No more than gold
 5.2.1622668Being cracked which does his estimation hold.
 5.2.1632669I was in Bedlam once, but was I mad?
 5.2.1642670They made me pledge whoresʼ healths, but am I bad
 5.2.1652671Because Iʼm with bad people?
 2672Duke
 Because Iʼm with bad people?  Well, stand by;
 5.2.1662673If you take wrong, weʼll cure the injury.
 5.2.166.12674Enter Constable; after him Bots; after them two Beadles, one 2675with hemp, the other with a beetle.
 5.2.1672676Duke
 Stay, stay; [Indicating Bots] whatʼs he? A prisoner?
 2677Constable
 Stay, stay; [Indicating Bots] whatʼs he? A prisoner?  Yes, my lord.
 5.2.1682678Hippolito
 He seems a soldier.
 5.2.1692679Bots
 I am what I seem, sir, one of Fortuneʼs bastards, a 2680soldier and a gentleman; and am brought in here with 2681Master Constableʼs band of billmen because they face me 2682down that I live, like those that keep bowling-alleys, 2683by the sins of the people, in being a squire of the body.
 5.2.1702684Hippolito
 O, an apple-squire!
 5.2.1712685Bots
 Yes, sir, that degree of scurvy squires; and that I am 2686maintained by the best part that is commonly in a woman, 2687by the worst players of those parts. But I am known to all 2688this company.
 5.2.1722689Lodovico
 [To the Duke] My lord, ʼtis true. We all know him; ʼtis Lieutenant 2690Bots.
 5.2.1732691Duke
 Bots? – And where haʼ you served, Bots?
 5.2.1742692Bots
 In most of your hottest services in the Low 2693Countries. At the Groyne I was wounded in this thigh, and halted 2694uponʼt, but ʼtis now sound. In Cleveland I missed but little, 2695having the bridge of my nose broken down with two 2696great stones as I was scaling a fort. I haʼ been tried, sir, 2697too, in Gelderland, and scaped hardly there from being blown 2698up at a breach: I was fired, and lay iʼthʼ surgeonʼs hands 2699forʼt till the fall of the leaf following.
 5.2.1752700Hippolito
 All this may be, and yet you no soldier.
 5.2.1762701Bots
 No soldier, sir? I hope these are services that your 2702proudest commanders do venture upon and never come 2703off sometimes.
 5.2.1772704Duke
 Well, sir, because you say you are a soldier,
 5.2.1782705Iʼll use you like a gentleman.
 Iʼll use you like a gentleman.  [To the Gentlemen] Make room there;
 5.2.1792706Plant him amongst you. [To Bots] We shall have anon
 5.2.1802707Strange hawks fly here before us. If none light
 5.2.181On you, 2708you shall with freedom take your flight;
 5.2.1822709But if you prove a bird of baser wing,
 5.2.1832710Weʼll use you like such birds: here you shall sing.
 5.2.1842711Bots
 I wish to be tried at no other weapon.
 5.2.1852712Duke
 Why is he furnished with those implements?
 5.2.18627131 Master
 The pander is more dangerous to a state
 5.2.1872714Than is the common thief; and though our laws
 5.2.1882715Lie heavier on the thief, yet that the pander
 5.2.1892716May know the hangmanʼs ruff should fit him, too,
 5.2.1902717Therefore heʼs set to beat hemp.
 2718Duke
 Therefore heʼs set to beat hemp.  This does savour
 5.2.1912719Of justice: basest slaves to basest labour.
 5.2.1922720Now, pray, set open hell, and let us see
 5.2.1932721The she-devils that are here.
 2722Infelice
 The she-devils that are here.  Methinks this place
 5.2.1942723Should make even Lais honest.
 27241 Master
 Should make even Lais honest.  Some it turns good,
 5.2.1952725But, as some men whose hands are once in blood
 5.2.1962726Do in a pride spill more, so some going hence
 5.2.1972727Are by being here lost in more impudence.
 5.2.1982728Let it not to them, when they come, appear
 5.2.1992729That anyone does as their judge sit here,
 5.2.2002730But that as gentlemen you come to see,
 5.2.2012731And then perhaps their tongues will walk more free.
 5.2.2022732Duke
 Let them be marshalled in.
 5.2.202.1[Exeunt Masters, Constable, and Beadles.]
 Let them be marshalled in.  Be covered all,
 5.2.2032733Fellows, now, to make the scene more comical.
 5.2.203.1[The Gentlemen and Bots cover their faces.]
 5.2.2042734Carolo
 [Aside to Bots] Will not you be smelt out, Bots?
 5.2.2052735Bots
 [Aside to Carolo] No, your bravest whores have the worst noses.
 5.2.205.12736Enter two of the Masters; a Constable after them; then Dorothea 2737Target, brave; after her two Beadles, thʼone with a 2738wheel, the other with a blue gown.
 5.2.2062739Lodovico
 [To Dorothea] Are not you a bride, forsooth?
 5.2.2072740Dorothea
 Say ye?
 5.2.2082741Carolo
 He would know if these be not your bridemen.
 5.2.2092742Dorothea
 Uuh! Yes, sir! And look ye – do you see the 2743bride-laces that I give at my wedding will serve to tie rosemary 2744to both your coffins when you come from hanging, scab?
 5.2.2102745Orlando
 Fie, punk! Fie, fie, fie!
 5.2.2112746Dorothea
 Out, you stale, stinking head of garlic! Faugh, at my 2747heels! 
 5.2.211.1[She beats him.]
 5.2.2122748Orlando
 My headʼs cloven.
 5.2.2132749Hippolito
 O, let the gentlewoman alone; sheʼs going to shrift.
 5.2.2142750Astolfo
 Nay, to do penance.
 5.2.2152751Carolo
 Ay, ay, go, punk; go to the cross and be whipped.
 5.2.2162752Dorothea
 Marry mew! Marry-muff! Marry hang you, Goodman 2753Dog! Whipped? Do ye take me for a base spital whore? – In 2754troth, gentlemen, you wear the clothes of gentlemen, but 2755you carry not the minds of gentlemen, to abuse a 2756gentlewoman of my fashion.
 5.2.2172757Lodovico
 Fashion? Pox oʼyour fashions! Art not a whore?
 5.2.2182758Dorothea
 Goodman Slave!
 5.2.2192759Duke
 [To the Gentlemen] O fie, abuse her not. Let us two talk.
 5.2.2202760[To Dorothea] What mought I call your name, pray?
 5.2.2212761Dorothea
 Iʼm not ashamed of my name, sir. My name is Mistress 2762Doll Target, a Western gentlewoman.
 5.2.2222763Lodovico
 Her target against any pike in Milan.
 5.2.2232764Duke
 Why is this wheel borne after her?
 5.2.22427651 Master
 She must spin.
 5.2.2252766Dorothea
 A coarse thread it shall be, as all threads are.
 5.2.2262767Astolfo
 If you spin, then youʼll earn money here, too.
 5.2.2272768Dorothea
 I had rather get half a crown abroad than ten 2769crowns here.
 5.2.2282770Orlando
 Abroad? I think so.
 5.2.2292771Infelice
 Dost thou not weep now thou art here?
 5.2.2302772Dorothea
 Say ye? Weep? Yes, forsooth, as you did when 2773you lost your maidenhead. Do you not hear how I weep? 
 5.2.230.1[She] 2774sings.
 5.2.2312775Lodovico
 Farewell, Doll.
 5.2.2322776Dorothea
 Farewell, Dog. 
 5.2.232.1Exit [with 2 Master and Beadles].
 5.2.2332777Duke
 Past shame, past penitence.
 Past shame, past penitence.  [To 1 Master] Why is that blue gown?
 5.2.23427781 Master
 Being stripped out of her wanton loose attire,
 5.2.2352779That garment she puts on, base to the eye,
 5.2.2362780Only to clothe her in humility.
 5.2.2372781Duke
 Are all the rest like this?
 27821 Master
 Are all the rest like this?  No, my good lord.
 5.2.2382783You see, this drab swells with a wanton rein;
 5.2.2392784The next that enters has a different strain.
 5.2.2402785Duke
 Variety is good; letʼs see the rest.
 5.2.240.1Exit [1] Master [and the Constable].
 5.2.2412786Bots
 You Grace sees Iʼm sound yet, and no bullets hit me.
 5.2.2422787Duke
 Come off so, and ʼtis well.
 5.2.2432788All Gentlemen
 Hereʼs the second mess.
 5.2.243.12789Enter the two Masters; after them the Constable; after him 2790Penelope Whorehound like a citizenʼs wife; after her two 2791Beadles, one with a blue gown, another with 2792chalk and a mallet.
 5.2.2442793Penelope
 I haʼ worn many a costly gown, but I was never 2794thus guarded with blue coats and beadles and constables 2795and –  
 5.2.244.1[She weeps.]
 5.2.2452796Carolo
 Alas, fair mistress, spoil not thus your eyes.
 5.2.2462797Penelope
 O sweet sir, I fear the spoiling of other places 2798about me that are dearer than my eyes. If you be gentlemen, 2799if you be men, or ever came of a woman, pity my case! [To Orlando, clinging to him] Stand 2800to me, stick to me, good sir; you are an old man.
 5.2.2472801Orlando
 Hang not on me, I prithee; old trees bear no such 2802fruit.
 5.2.2482803Penelope
 Will you bail me, gentlemen?
 5.2.2492804Lodovico
 Bail thee? Art in for debt?
 5.2.2502805Penelope
 No; God is my judge, sir, I am in for no debts. I paid 2806my tailor for this gown the last five shillings a week 2807that was behind, yesterday.
 5.2.2512808Duke
 What is your name, I pray?
 5.2.2522809Penelope
 Penelope Whorehound. I come of the Whorehounds. [To Bots] 2810How does Lieutenant Bots?
 5.2.2532811All Gentlemen
 Aha, Bots!
 5.2.2542812Bots
 A very honest woman, as Iʼm a soldier. [Aside to her] A pox bots ye!
 5.2.2552813Penelope
 I was never in this pickle before – and yet if I go 2814amongst citizensʼ wives they jeer at me; if I go among 2815the loose-bodied gowns, they cry a pox on me because I 2816go civilly attired, and swear their trade was a good 2817trade till such as I am took it out of their hands. Good 2818Lieutenant Bots, speak to these captains to bail me.
 5.2.25628191 Master
 Begging for bail still? You are a trim gossip. [To Beadles] Go, 2820give her the blue gown, set her to her chare. – Work, 2821huswife, for your bread. Away!
 5.2.2572822Penelope
 Out, you dog! – A pox on you all! – Women are born to 2823curse thee! But I shall live to see twenty such flat-caps 2824shaking dice for a pennyworth of pippins. Out, you blue-eyed 2825rogue! 
 5.2.257.1Exit [with Beadles].
 5.2.2582826All Gentlemen
 Ha, ha, ha!
 5.2.2592827Duke
 Even now she wept and prayed; now does she curse?
 5.2.26028281 Master
 Seeing me. If still she had stayed, this had been 2829worse.
 5.2.2612830Hippolito
 Was she ever here before?
 28311 Master
 Was she ever here before?  Five times at least;
 5.2.2622832And thus, if men come to her, have her eyes
 5.2.263Wrung and 2833wept out her bail.
 2834All Gentlemen
 Wrung and wept out her bail.  Bots, you know her!
 5.2.2642835Bots
 Is there any gentleman here that knows not a 2836whore? And is he a hair the worse for that?
 5.2.2652837Duke
 [To 1 Master] Is she a city dame, sheʼs so attired?
 5.2.26628381 Master
 No, my good lord, thatʼs only but the veil
 5.2.2672839To her loose body. I have seen her here
 5.2.2682840In gayer masking suits. As several sauces
 5.2.2692841Give one dish several tastes, so change of habits
 5.2.2702842In whores is a bewitching art. Today
 5.2.271Sheʼs all in 2843colours to besot gallants;
 5.2.272Then in modest black, 2844to catch the citizen,
 5.2.273And this from their examinationʼs 2845drawn.
 5.2.274Now shall you see a monster both in shape
 5.2.2752846And nature quite from these, that sheds no tear,
 5.2.2762847Nor yet is nice. ʼTis a plain ramping bear;
 5.2.2772848Many such whales are cast upon this shore.
 5.2.2782849All Gentlemen
 Letʼs see her.
 28501 Master
 Letʼs see her.  Then behold a swaggering whore.
 5.2.278.1Exit [with 2 Master and Constable].
 5.2.2792851Orlando
 Keep your ground, Bots.
 5.2.2802852Bots
 I do but traverse to spy advantage how to arm 2853myself.
 5.2.280.12854Enter the two Masters first; after them the Constable; after them a 2855Beadle beating a basin; then Catherina Bountinall with 2856Mistress Horseleech; after them another Beadle, with a 2857blue head guarded with yellow.
 5.2.2812858Catherina
 [To the Constable] Sirrah, when I cry ‘Hold your hands!ʼ, hold, you 2859rogue-catcher, hold! – Bawd, are the French chilblains in your 2860heels, that you can come no faster? Are not you, bawd, a 2861whoreʼs ancient, and must not I follow my colours?
 5.2.2822862Horseleech
 O Mistress Catherine, you do me wrong to accuse 2863me here as you do, before the right worshipful. I am 2864known for a motherly, honest woman, and no bawd.
 5.2.2832865Catherina
 Marry, faugh! Honest? Burnt at fourteen, seven times 2866whipped, six times carted, nine times ducked, searched by 2867some hundred and fifty constables, and yet you are honest? 2868‘Honestʼ Mistress Horseleech, is this world a world to keep 2869bawds and whores honest? How many times hast thou 2870given gentlemen a quart of wine in a gallon pot? How 2871many twelvepenny fees, nay two-shillings fees, nay, when 2872any ambassadors haʼ been here, how many half-crown 2873fees hast thou taken? How many carriers hast thou bribed 2874for country wenches? How often have I rinsed your lungs 2875in aqua-vitae? And yet you are honest? 
 5.2.2842876Duke
 [To Catherina] And what were you the whilst?
 5.2.2852877Catherina
 Marry hang you, Master Slave! Who made you an 2878examiner?
 5.2.2862879Lodovico
 Well said! Belike this devil spares no man.
 5.2.2872880Catherina
 [To Bots] What art thou, prithee?
 5.2.2882881Bots
 Nay, what art thou, prithee?
 5.2.2892882Catherina
 A whore. Art thou a thief?
 5.2.2902883Bots
 A thief? No. I defy the calling; I am a soldier, 2884have borne arms in the field, been in many a hot 2885skirmish, yet come off sound.
 5.2.2912886Catherina
 Sound with a pox to ye, ye abominable rogue! 2887You a soldier? You in skirmishes? Where? Amongst 2888pottle-pots in a bawdy house? [To Horseleech] Look, look here, you Madam 2889Worm-eaten, do not you know him?
 5.2.2922890Horseleech
 Lieutenant Bots! Where have ye been this many a 2891day?
 5.2.2932892Bots
 [Aside to Horseleech] Old bawd, do not discredit me, seem not to 2893know me.
 5.2.2942894Horseleech
 Not to know ye, Master Bots? As long as I have 2895breath, I cannot forget thy sweet face.
 5.2.2952896Duke
 Why, do you know him? He says he is a 2897soldier.
 5.2.2962898Catherina
 He a soldier? A pander, a dog that will lick up 2899sixpence. Do ye hear, you Master Swineʼs-snout, how long isʼt 2900since you held the door for me, and cried ‘Toʼt again, 2901nobody comesʼ, ye rogue, you?
 5.2.2972902All Gentlemen
 Ha, ha, ha! Youʼre smelt out again, Bots.
 5.2.2982903Bots
 Pox ruin her nose forʼt! An I be not revenged for 2904this – umm, ye bitch!
 5.2.2992905Lodovico
 Dʼye hear ye, madam? Why does your ladyship 2906swagger thus? Youʼre very brave, methinks.
 5.2.3002907Catherina
 Not at your cost, Master Codʼs-head;
 5.2.3012908Is any man here blear-eyed to see me brave?
 5.2.3022909Astolfo
 Yes, I am, 2910because good clothes upon a whoreʼs back 2911is like fair painting upon a rotten wall.
 5.2.3032912Catherina
 Marry-muff, Master Whoremaster, you come upon 2913me with sentences.
 5.2.3042914Beraldo
 By this light, hʼas small sense forʼt.
 5.2.3052915Lodovico
 O fie, fie, do not vex her. 2916And yet methinks a creature of more scurvy conditions 2917should not know what a good petticoat were.
 5.2.3062918Catherina
 Marry come out! 2919Youʼre so busy about my petticoat youʼll creep up to my 2920placket, an ye could but attain the honour. But an the 2921outsides offend your rogueships, look oʼthe lining – ʼtis 2922silk.
 5.2.3072923Duke
 Isʼt silk ʼtis lined with, then?
 5.2.3082924Catherina
 Silk? Ay, silk, Master Slave. You would be glad to 2925wipe your nose with the skirt onʼt. This ʼtis to come 2926among a company of codʼs-heads that know not how to use 2927a gentlewoman.
 5.2.3092928Duke
 [To 1 Master] Tell her the Duke is here.
 5.2.31029291 Master
 Be modest, Kate, the Duke is here.
 5.2.3112930Catherina
 If the devil were here, I care not. – Set forward, ye 2931rogues, and give attendance according to your places. Let 2932bawds and whores be sad, for Iʼll sing an the devil were 2933a-dying.
 5.2.311.1Exeunt [Catherina, Horseleech and Beadles, one of whom follows the women while the other goes before, beating his basin.]
 5.2.3122934Duke
 [To 1 Master] Why before her does the basin ring?
 5.2.31329351 Master
 It is an emblem of their revelling.
 5.2.3142936The whips we use lets forth their wanton blood,
 5.2.3152937Making them calm; and, more to calm their pride,
 5.2.3162938Instead of coaches they in carts do ride.
 5.2.3172939Will your Grace see more of this bad ware?
 5.2.3182940Duke
 No, shut up shop. Weʼll now break up the fair.
 5.2.3192941Yet ere we part – [To Bots] you, sir, that take upon ye
 5.2.3202942The name of soldier, that true name of worth,
 5.2.3212943Which action, not vain boasting, best sets forth,
 5.2.3222944To let you know how far a soldierʼs name
 5.2.3232945Stands from your title, and to let you see
 5.2.3242946Soldiers must not be wronged where princes be,
 5.2.3252947This be your sentence: – 
 2948All Gentlemen
 This be your sentence: –   Defend yourself, Bots!
 5.2.3262949Duke
 First, all the private sufferance that the house
 5.2.3272950Inflicts upon offenders, you, as the basest,
 5.2.3282951Shall undergo it double; after which
 5.2.3292952You shall be whipped, sir, round about the city,
 5.2.3302953Then banished from the land.
 2954Bots
 Then banished from the land.  Beseech your Grace!
 5.2.3312955Duke
 Away with him, see it done.
 [Exit Bots with Constable.]
 Away with him, see it done.  Panders and whores
 5.2.3322956Are city plagues, which being kept alive
 5.2.3332957Nothing that looks like goodness eʼer can thrive. –
 5.2.3342958Now good Orlando, what say you to your bad son-in-law?
 5.2.3352959Orlando
 Marry, this, my lord: he is my son-in-law, and in 2960law will I be his father. For if law can pepper him, he shall 2961be so parboiled that he shall stink no more iʼthʼ nose of the 2962commonwealth.
 5.2.3362963Bellafront
 Be yet more kind and merciful, good father.
 5.2.3372964Orlando
 Dost thou beg for him, thou precious manʼs meat, 2965thou? Has he not beaten thee, kicked thee, trod on thee, and 2966dost thou fawn on him like his spaniel? Has he not 2967pawned thee to thy petticoat, sold thee to thy smock, made 2968thee leap at a crust, yet wouldst have me save him?
 5.2.3382969Bellafront
 O, yes, good sir. Women shall learn of me
 5.2.3392970To love their husbands in greatest misery.
 5.2.3402971Then show him pity, or you wreck myself.
 5.2.3412972Orlando
 Have ye eaten pigeons, that youʼre so kindhearted 2973to your mate? Nay, youʼre a couple of wild bears; Iʼll 2974have ye both baited at one stake. – But as for this knave [Addressing Mattheo]: the 2975gallows is thy due, and the gallows thou shalt have. Iʼll 2976have justice of the Duke; the law shall have thy life. [To Bellafront] What, 2977dost thou hold him? Let go his hand. If thou dost not 2978forsake him, a fatherʼs everlasting blessing fall upon both your 2979heads! Away, go, kiss out of my sight! Play thou the 2980whore no more, nor thou the thief again.
 5.2.342My house shall be thine,
 5.2.343My meat shall 2981be thine, 
 5.2.344And so shall my wine, 
 5.2.345But 2982my money shall be mine;
 5.2.346And yet when I die, 
 5.2.347So thou dost 2983not fly high,
 5.2.348Take all. Yet, good Mattheo, mend.
 5.2.3492984Thus for joy weeps Orlando, and doth end.
 5.2.3502985Duke
 Then hear, Mattheo. All your woes are stayed
 5.2.3512986By your good father-in-law; all your ills
 5.2.3522987Are clear purged from you by his working pills. – 
 5.2.3532988Come, Signor Candido, these green young wits
 5.2.3542989We see by circumstance, this plot hath laid
 5.2.3552990Still to provoke thy patience, which they find
 5.2.3562991A wall of brass; no armourʼs like the mind.
 5.2.3572992Thou hast taught the city patience; now our court
 5.2.3582993Shall be thy sphere, where from thy good report
 5.2.3592994Rumours this truth unto the world shall sing:
 5.2.3602995A patient manʼs a pattern for a king. 
 5.2.360.1Exeunt.
 5.2.360.22996FINIS.
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The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
