The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)

 601.1[2.1]
 2.1.0.1602Enter Bellafront and Mattheo.
 2.1.1603Bellafront
 O my sweet husband, wert thou in thy grave
 2.1.2And 604art alive again? O, welcome, welcome!
 2.1.3605Mattheo
 Dost know me? [Giving her his cloak] My cloak, prithee, layʼt up. Yes, 606faith, my winding-sheet was taken out of lavender, to be 607stuck with rosemary. I lacked but the knot here or here. 608Yet if I had had it, I should haʼ made a wry mouth at the 609world like a plaice. But, sweetest villain, I am here now, and 610I will talk with thee soon.
 2.1.4611Bellafront
 And glad am I thouʼrt here.
 2.1.5612Mattheo
 Did these heels caper in shackles? Ah, my little 613plump rogue, Iʼll bear up for all this, and fly high. Catso, 614catso!
 2.1.6615Bellafront
 Mattheo – 
 2.1.7616Mattheo
 What sayst, what sayst? O brave fresh air! A pox 617on these grates, and jingling of keys, and rattling of iron. 618Iʼll bear up, Iʼll fly high, wench. Hang? Toss!
 2.1.8619Bellafront
 Mattheo, prithee make thy prison thy glass,
 2.1.9620And in it view the wrinkles and the scars
 2.1.10621By which thou wert disfigured. Viewing them, mend them.
 2.1.11622Mattheo
 Iʼll go visit all the mad rogues now, and the good 623roaring boys.
 2.1.12624Bellafront
 Thou dost not hear me?
 2.1.13625Mattheo
 Yes, faith, do I.
 2.1.14626Bellafront
 Thou hast been in the hands of misery,
 2.1.15And taʼen strong 627physic. Prithee, now be sound.
 2.1.16628Mattheo
 Yes. ʼSfoot, I wonder how the inside of a tavern 629looks now. O, when shall I bezzle, bezzle?
 2.1.17630Bellafront
 Nay, see, thouʼrt thirsty still for poison! Come,
 2.1.18I will 631not have thee swagger.
 632Mattheo
 I will not have thee swagger.  Honest apeʼs face!
 2.1.19633Bellafront
 ʼTis that sharpened an axe to cut thy throat.
 2.1.20634Good love, I would not have thee sell thy substance
 2.1.21635And time, worth all, in those damned shops of hell,
 2.1.22636Those dicing-houses, that stand never well
 2.1.23637But when they stand most ill; that four-squared sin
 2.1.24638Has almost lodged us in the beggarʼs inn.
 2.1.25639Besides – to speak which even my soul does grieve – 
 2.1.26640A sort of ravens have hung upon thy sleeve
 2.1.27641And fed upon thee. Good Mat, if you please,
 2.1.28642Scorn to spread wing amongst so base as these;
 2.1.29643By them thy fame is speckled, yet it shows
 2.1.30644Clear amongst them. So crows are fair with crows.
 2.1.31645Custom in sin gives sin a lovely dye;
 2.1.32646Blackness in Moors is no deformity.
 2.1.33647Mattheo
 Bellafront, Bellafront, I protest to thee, I swear, as I 648hope for my soul, I will turn over a new leaf. The prison, I 649confess, has bit me; the best man that sails in such a ship 650may be lousy.
 2.1.33.1[Knocking within.]
 2.1.34651Bellafront
 One knocks at door.
 2.1.35652Mattheo
 Iʼll be the porter. They shall see a jail cannot hold 653a brave spirit – Iʼll fly high! 
 2.1.35.1Exit.
 2.1.36654Bellafront
 How wild is his behaviour! O, I fear
 2.1.37655Heʼs spoiled by prison; heʼs half damned comes there.
 2.1.38656But I must sit all storms. When a full sail
 2.1.39His 657fortunes spread, he loved me; being now poor,
 2.1.40658Iʼll beg for him. And no wife can do more.
 2.1.40.1659Enter Matteo, and Orlando like a Servingman.
 2.1.41660Mattheo
 Come in, pray. Would you speak with me, sir?
 2.1.42661Orlando
 Is your name Signor Mattheo?
 2.1.43662Mattheo
 My name is Signor Mattheo.
 2.1.44663Orlando
 Is this gentlewoman your wife, sir?
 2.1.45664Mattheo
 This gentlewoman is my wife, sir.
 2.1.46665Orlando
 The destinies spin a strong and even thread of both 666your loves! [Aside] The motherʼs own face; I haʼ not forgot that. [He weeps.] Iʼm 667an old man, sir, and am troubled with a whoreson salt rheum, 668that I cannot hold my water. – Gentlewoman, the last man I 669served was your father.
 2.1.47670Bellafront
 My father? Any tongue that sounds his name
 2.1.48671Speaks music to me. Welcome, good old man.
 2.1.49672How does my father? Lives he? Has he health?
 2.1.50673How does my father? I so much do shame him,
 2.1.51674So much do wound him, that I scarce dare name him.
 2.1.52675Orlando
 [Weeping.] I can speak no more.
 2.1.53676Mattheo
 How now, old lad? What, dost cry?
 2.1.54677Orlando
 The rheum still, sir, nothing else. I should be well 678seasoned, for mine eyes lie in brine. Look you, sir, I have a 679suit to you.
 2.1.55680Mattheo
 What isʼt, my little white pate?
 2.1.56681Orlando
 Troth, sir, I have a mind to serve your worship.
 2.1.57682Mattheo
 To serve me? Troth, my friend, my fortunes are, as 683a man may say – 
 2.1.58684Orlando
 Nay, look you, sir. I know when all sins are old 685in us, and go upon crutches, that covetousness does but 686then lie in her cradle. ʼTis not so with me. Lechery loves 687to dwell in the fairest lodging, and covetousness in the 688oldest buildings, that are ready to fall; but my white head, 689sir, is no inn for such a gossip. If a servingman at my years 690be not stored with with biscuit enough, that has sailed about the 691world, to serve him the voyage out of his life, and to bring 692him east home, ill pity but all his days should be fasting 693days. I care not so much for wages, for I have scraped a 694handful of gold together. I have a little money, sir, which 695I would put into your worshipʼs hands, not so much to 696make it more – 
 2.1.59697Mattheo
 No, no, you say well, thou sayst well. But I must 698tell you – how much is the money, sayst thou?
 2.1.60699Orlando
 About twenty pound, sir.
 2.1.61700Mattheo
 Twenty pound? Let me see; that shall bring thee in, 701after ten per centum per annum – 
 2.1.62702Orlando
 No, no, no, sir, no; I cannot abide to have money 703engender. Fie upon this silver lechery, fie! If I may have 704meat to my mouth, and rags to my back, and a flock-bed 705to snort upon, when I die the longer liver take all.
 2.1.63706Mattheo
 A good old boy, iʼfaith! If thou servʼst me, thou shalt 707eat as I eat, drink as I drink, lie as I lie, and ride as I ride. 
 2.1.64708Orlando
 [Aside] Thatʼs if you have money to hire horses.
 2.1.65709Mattheo
 Front, what dost thou think onʼt? This good old 710lad here shall serve me.
 2.1.66711Bellafront
 Alas, Mattheo, wilt thou load a back
 2.1.67712That is already broke?
 2.1.68713Mattheo
 [Aside to her] Peace, pox on you, peace! Thereʼs a trick inʼt. I 714fly high. It shall be so, Front, as I tell you. [Aloud to Orlando] Give me thy hand; 715thou shalt serve me, iʼfaith. Welcome. As for your money – 
 2.1.69716Orlando
 Nay, look you, sir, I have it here.
 2.1.70717Mattheo
 Pish, keep it thyself, man, and then thouʼrt sure ʼtis 718safe.
 2.1.71719Orlando
 Safe? An ʼtwere ten thousand ducats your worship 720should be my cash-keeper. I have heard what your 721worship is – [Aside] An excellent dunghill cock, to scatter all abroad! – 722But Iʼll venture twenty pounds onʼs head. 
 2.1.71.1[Gives him the money.]
 2.1.72723Mattheo
 And didst thou serve my worshipful 724father-in-law, Signor Orlando Frescobaldo, that madman, once?
 2.1.73725Orlando
 I served him so long till he turned me out of doors.
 2.1.74726Mattheo
 Itʼs a notable chuff; I haʼ not seen him many a day.
 2.1.75727Orlando
 No matter an you neʼer see him; itʼs an arrant 728grandee, a churl, and as damned a cut-throat – 
 2.1.76729Bellafront
 Thou villain, curb thy tongue! Thou art a Judas,
 2.1.77730To sell thy masterʼs name to slander thus.
 2.1.78731Mattheo
 [To her] Away, ass! He speaks but truth. Thy father is a – 
 2.1.79732Bellafront
 Gentleman.
 2.1.80733Mattheo
 And an old knave. Thereʼs more deceit in him than 734in sixteen ʼpothecaries. Itʼs a devil! Thou mayst beg, starve, 735hang, damn – does he send thee so much as a cheese?
 2.1.81736Orlando
 Or so much as a gammon of bacon? 737Heʼll give it his dogs first.
 2.1.82738Mattheo
 A javel, a javel.
 2.1.83739Orlando
 A Jew, a Jew, sir.
 2.1.84740Mattheo
 A dog.
 2.1.85741Orlando
 An English mastiff, sir.
 2.1.86742Mattheo
 Pox rot out his old stinking garbage!
 2.1.87743Bellafront
 [To him] Art not ashamed to strike an absent man thus?
 2.1.88744Art not ashamed to let this vild dog bark,
 2.1.89745And bite my father thus? Iʼll not endure it.
 2.1.90746[To Orland] Out of my doors, base slave!
 2.1.91747Mattheo
 Your doors? A vengeance! I shall live to cut that old 748rogueʼs throat, for all you take his part thus.
 2.1.92749Orlando
 [Aside] He shall live to see thee hanged first.
 2.1.92.1750Enter Hippolito.
 2.1.93751Mattheo
 Godso, my lord, your lordship is most welcome.
 2.1.94752Iʼm proud of this, my lord.
 753Hippolito
 Iʼm proud of this, my lord.  Was bold to see you.
 2.1.95754Is that your wife?
 755Mattheo
 Is that your wife?  Yes, sir.
 756Hippolito
 Is that your wife? Yes, sir.  Iʼll borrow her lip.
 2.1.96757Mattheo
 With all my heart, my lord.
 2.1.96.1[Hippolito kisses Bellafront and takes her aside.]
 2.1.97758Orlando
 Whoʼs this, I pray, sir?
 2.1.98759Mattheo
 My lord Hippolito. Whatʼs thy name?
 2.1.99760Orlando
 Pacheco.
 2.1.100761Mattheo
 Pacheco? Fine name! Thou seest, Pacheco, I keep 762company with no scoundrels, nor base fellows.
 2.1.101763Hippolito
 [Aside to Bellafront] Came not my footman to you?
 764Bellafront
 [Aside to Bellafront] Came not my footman to you?  Yes, my Lord.
 2.1.102765Hippolito
 I sent by him a diamond and a letter;
 2.1.103766Did you receive them?
 767Bellafront
 Did you receive them?  Yes my lord, I did.
 2.1.104768Hippolito
 Read you the letter?
 769Bellafront
 Read you the letter?  Oʼer and oʼer ʼtis read.
 2.1.105770Hippolito
 And, faith, your answer?
 771Bellafront
 And, faith, your answer?  Now the timeʼs not fit;
 2.1.106772You see my husbandʼs here.
 773Hippolito
 You see my husbandʼs here.  Iʼll now then leave you,
 2.1.107774And choose mine hour. But ere I part away,
 2.1.108775Hark you, remember I must have no nay.
 2.1.109776[Aloud] Mattheo, I will leave you.
 777Mattheo
 [Aloud] Mattheo, I will leave you.  A glass of wine?
 2.1.110778Hippolito
 Not now, Iʼll visit you at other times.
 2.1.111779Youʼre come off well, then?
 2.1.112780Mattheo
 Excellent well, I thank your lordship. I owe you 781my life, my lord, and will pay my best blood in any service 782of yours.
 2.1.113783Hippolito
 Iʼll take no such dear payment. Hark you, Mattheo, 784I know the prison is a gulf. If money run low with you, 785my purse is yours; call for it.
 2.1.114786Mattheo
 Faith, my lord, I thank my stars they send me 787down some. I cannot sink so long as these bladders hold.
 2.1.115788Hippolito
 I will not see your fortunes ebb. Pray try;
 2.1.116789To starve in full barns were fond modesty.
 2.1.117790Mattheo
 [To Orlando] Open the door, sirrah.
 2.1.118791Hippolito
 [Aside to Orlando at the door] Drink this [Giving him money]; and anon I pray thee give thy mistress 792this [Giving him a purse]. 
 2.1.118.1Exit.
 2.1.119793Orlando
 [Aside] O noble spirit! If no worse guests here dwell,
 2.1.120794My blue coat sits on my old shoulders well.
 2.1.121795Mattheo
 The only royal fellow! Heʼs bounteous as the Indies. 796Whatʼs that he said to thee, Bellafront?
 2.1.122797Bellafront
 Nothing.
 2.1.123798Mattheo
 I prithee, good girl – 
 2.1.124799Bellafront
 Why, I tell you – nothing.
 2.1.125800Mattheo
 Nothing? Itʼs well. Tricks! That I must be 801beholden to a scald, hot-livered, goatish gallant to stand with my 802cap in my hand, and vail bonnet, when I haʼ spread as lofty 803sails as himself! Would I had been hanged. Nothing? – 804Pacheco, brush my cloak.
 2.1.126805Orlando
 Where isʼt, sir?
 2.1.127806Mattheo
 Come, weʼll fly high.
 2.1.128807[To Bellafront] Nothing? There is a whore still in thine eye. 
 2.1.128.1Exit.
 2.1.129808Orlando
 [Aside] My twenty pounds fly high! O wretched woman,
 2.1.130809This varletʼs able to make Lucrece common. 
 2.1.131810[Aloud] How now, mistress? Has my master dyed you into this sad 811colour? 
 2.1.132812Bellafront
 Fellow, begone, I pray thee. If thy tongue
 2.1.133Itch after 813talk so much, seek out thy master;
 2.1.134Thouʼrt a fit instrument 814for him.
 2.1.135815Orlando
 Zounds, I hope he will not play upon me.
 2.1.136816Bellafront
 Play on thee? No, you two will fly together,
 2.1.137817Because you are roving arrows of one feather.
 2.1.138818Would thou wouldst leave my house! Thou neʼer shalt 819please me;
 2.1.139Weave thy nets neʼer so high,
 2.1.140820Thou shalt be but a spider in mine eye.
 2.1.141821Thouʼrt rank with poison. Poison tempered well
 2.1.142822Is food for health; but thy black tongue doth swell
 2.1.143823With venom, to hurt him that gave thee bread.
 2.1.144824To wrong men absent is to spurn the dead;
 2.1.145825And so didst thou thy master and my father.
 2.1.146826Orlando
 You have small reason to take his part, for I have 827heard him say five hundred times you were as arrant a 828whore as ever stiffened tiffany neckcloths in water-starch 829upon a Saturday iʼthʼ afternoon.
 2.1.147830Bellafront
 Let him say worse! When, for the earthʼs offence,
 2.1.148831Hot vengeance through the marble clouds is driven,
 2.1.149832Isʼt fit earth shoot again those darts at heaven?
 2.1.150833Orlando
 And so, if your father call you whore, youʼll not call 834him old knave. [Aside] Frescobaldo, she carries thy mind up and 835down; sheʼs thine own flesh, blood, and bone. [Aloud] Troth, 836mistress, to tell you true, the fireworks that ran from me upon 837lines against my good old master, your father, were but to 838try how my young master, your husband, loved such squibs. 839But itʼs well known I love your father as myself. Iʼll ride 840for him at midnight, run for you by owl-light; Iʼll die 841for him, drudge for you; Iʼll fly low, and Iʼll fly high (as 842my master says), to do you good, if youʼll forgive me.
 2.1.151843Bellafront
 I am not made of marble; I forgive thee.
 2.1.152844Orlando
 Nay, if you were made of marble, a good 845stone-cutter might cut you. I hope the twenty pound I delivered 846to my master is in a sure hand.
 2.1.153847Bellafront
 In a sure hand, I warrant thee, for spending.
 2.1.154848Orlando
 I see my young master is a madcap and a bonus socius. 849I love him well, mistress. Yet, as well as I love him, Iʼll not 850play the knave with you. Look you, I could cheat you of 851this purse full of money; but I am an old lad, and I scorn 852to cony-catch. Yet I haʼ been dog at a cony in my time.
 2.1.154.1[He gives her the purse.]
 2.1.155853Bellafront
 A purse! Where hadst it?
 2.1.156854Orlando
 The gentleman that went away whispered in mine 855ear and charged me to give it you.
 2.1.157856Bellafront
 The lord Hippolito?
 2.1.158857Orlando
 Yes, if he be a lord; he gave it me.
 2.1.159858Bellafront
 ʼTis all gold.
 2.1.160859Orlando
 ʼTis like so. It may be he thinks you want money, 860and therefore bestows his alms bravely, like a lord.
 2.1.161861Bellafront
 He thinks a silver net can catch the poor;
 2.1.162862Hereʼs bait to choke a nun and turn her whore.
 2.1.163863Wilt thou be honest to me?
 2.1.164864Orlando
 As your nails to your fingers, which I think 865never deceived you.
 2.1.165866Bellafront
 Thou to this lord shalt go. Commend me to him,
 2.1.166867And tell him this: the town has held out long
 2.1.167868Because within ʼtwas rather true than strong.
 2.1.168869To sell it now were base; say ʼtis no hold
 2.1.169870Built of weak stuff, to be blown up with gold.
 2.1.170871He shall believe thee by this token, or this;
 2.1.171If not, by this.
 2.1.171.1[She gives him Hippolitoʼs purse, diamond ring, and letter.]
 872Orlando
 If not, by this.  Is this all?
 873Bellafront
 If not, by this. Is this all?  This is all.
 2.1.172874Orlando
 [Aside] Mine own girl still!
 875Bellafront
 [Aside] Mine own girl still!  A star may shoot, not fall.
 2.1.172.1Exit Bellafront.
 2.1.173876Orlando
 A star? Nay, thou art more than the moon, for 877thou hast neither changing quarters nor a man standing in 878thy circle with a bush of thorns. Isʼt possible the lord 879Hippolito, whose face is as civil as the outside of a 880dedicatory book, should be a mutton-monger? A poor man has 881but one ewe, and this grandee sheep-biter leaves whole 882flocks of fat wethers whom he may knock down, 883to devour this! Iʼll trust neither lord nor butcher with 884quick flesh for this trick. The cuckoo, I see now, sings all 885the year, though every man cannot hear him. But Iʼll 886spoil his notes. Can neither love-letters nor the devilʼs 887common picklocks, gold nor precious stones, make my 888girl draw up her portcullis? Hold out still, wench!
 2.1.174889All are not bawds, I see now, that keep doors,
 2.1.175890Nor all good wenches that are marked for whores. 
 2.1.175.1Exit.
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The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
