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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Quarto 2, 1604)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Authors: Thomas Dekker, Thomas Middleton
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Quarto 2, 1604)

    Candido's wife, and George: Pioratto
    meetes them.
    2295Wi. O watch good George, watch which way the Duke (comes.
    Geo. Here comes one of the butter flies, aske him.
    Wi. Pray sir, comes the duke this way.
    Pio. He's vpon comming mistris. Exit.
    Wi. I thanke you sir: Geroge are there many madfolkes,
    2300where thy Maister lies.
    H 4 Geor
    THE CONVERTED
    Geo. O yes, of all countries some, but especially mad greekes
    they swarme: troth mistris, the world is altered with you,
    you had not wont to stand thus with a paper humbly com-
    playning: but you're well enough seru'd: prouander prickt
    2305you, as it does many of our Citty-wiues besides.
    Wif. Dost thinke George we shall get him forth.
    Geo. Truly mistris I cannot tel, I thinke youle hardly get him
    forth: why tis strange! Sfoot I haue known many womē that
    haue had mad rascals to their husbāds, whom they would be-
    2310labour by all meanes possible to keepe em in their right wits,
    but of a woman to long to turne a tame mā into a madman.
    why the diuell himselfe was neuer vsde so by his dam.
    Wif. How does he talke George! ha! good George tell me.
    Geo. Why youre best go see.
    2315Wif. Alas I am afraid.
    Geo. Afraid! you had more need be ashamd: he may ra-
    ther be afraid of you.
    Wif. But George hees not starke mad, is hee? hee does not
    raue, hees not horne-mad George is he?
    2320Geo. Nay I know not that, but he talkes like a Iustice of
    peace. of a thousand matters and to no purpose.
    Wif. Ile to the monastery: I shall be mad till I inioy him,
    I shalbe sick till I see him, yet when I doe see him, I shall
    weepe out mine eyes.
    2325Geo. I ide faine see a woman weepe out her eyes; thats as
    true, as to say, a mans cloake burnes; when it hangs in the
    water: I know youle weepe mistrisse: but what saies the pain-
    ted cloth. Trust not a woman when she cries.
    For sheele pump water from her eyes.
    2330 With a wet finger, and in faster showers,
    Then Aprill when he raines downe flowers.
    Wif. I but George, that painted cloath is worthy to be
    hangd vp for lying, all women haue not teares at will, vnlesse
    they haue good cause.
    2335Geo. I but mistrisse how easily will they find a cause, and
    as one of our Cheese-trenchers sayes very learnedly:
    As out of Wormwood Bees suck Hony,
    As from poore clients Lawyers firke mony,
    As
    CVRTIZAN.
    As Parsley from a roasted cunny.
    2340 So tho the day be nere so sunny,
    If wiues will haue it raine, downe then it driues,
    The calmest husbands make the stormest wiues.
    Wif. Tame George, but I ha don storming now.
    Geo. Why thats well done, good mistris throw aside this
    2345fashion of your humor, be not so phantasticall in wearing it,
    storme no more, long no more.-This longing has made you
    come short of many a good thing that you might haue had
    from my Maister: Here comes the Duke.
    Enter Duke, Fluello, Pioratto, Sinere.
    2350Wife. Oh I beseech you pardon my offence,
    In that I durst abuse your Graces warrant,
    Deliuer foorth my husband good my Lord.
    Duke. Who is her husband?
    Flu. Candido my Lord. Duke. Where is he?
    2355Wife. Hees among the lunaticks,
    He was a man made vp without a gall,
    Nothing could moue him, nothing could conuert
    His meeke bloud into fury, yet like a monster,
    I often beat at the most constant rock
    2360Of his vnshaken patience, and did long
    To vex him. Duke. Did you so?
    Wife. And for that purpose,
    Had warrant from your Grace, to cary him
    To Bethlem Monastery whence they will not free him,
    2365Without your Graces hand that sent him in.
    Duke. You haue longd fayre; tis you are mad I feare,
    Its fit to fetch him thence, and keepe you there:
    If he be mad, why would you haue him forth?
    Geo. And please your grace, hees not starke mad, but one-
    2370ly talkes like a young Gentleman; somewhat phantastically,
    thats all: theres a thousand about your court, citty and
    countrie, madder then he.
    Duke. Prouide a warrant, you shall haue our hand.
    Geo. Heres a warrant ready drawne my Lord.
    2375Cast. Get pen & inck, get pen & inck: Enter Castruchio.
    Cast Where is my Lord the Duke?
    Duke. How now? more mad men.
    I Cast.
    THE CONVERTED
    Cast. I haue strange newes my Lord.
    Duk. Of what? of whom?
    2380Cast. Of Infaelice, and a mariage.
    Du. Ha! where? with whom.
    Cast. Hipolito. Geo. Here my Lord.
    Du. Hence with that woman, voyd the roome.
    Flu. Away, the Duke's vext.
    2385Geo. Whoop, come mistris the Duke's mad too. Exeunt.
    Du. Who told me that Hipolito was dead?
    Cast. He that can make any man dead, the Doctor: but
    my Lord, hees as full of life as wilde-fire; and as quick: Hipo-
    lito, the Doctor, and one more rid hence this euening; the
    2390Inne at which they light is Bethlem Monastarie: Infaeliche
    comes from Bergamo, and meetes them there: Hipolito is
    mad, for he meanes this day to be maryed, the after-noone is
    the houre, and Frier Anselmo is the knitter.
    Du. From Bergamo? ist possible? it cannot be,
    2395It cannot be.
    Cast. I will not sweare my Lord,
    But this intelligence I tooke from one,
    Whose braines workes in the plot.
    Du. Whats he? Cast. Mathaeo.
    2400Flu. Mathaeo knowes all. Pio. Hees Hipolitoes bosome.
    Duke. How farre stands Bethlem hence?
    Omn. Six or seauen miles.
    Duke. Ist euen so, not maried till the afternoone you say?
    Stay, stay, lets worke out some preuention: how:
    2405This is most strange, can none but mad-men serue
    To dresse their wedding dinner? All of you,
    Get presently to horse; disguise your selues
    Like Countrie-Gentlemen,
    Or riding cittizens, or so: and take
    2410Each man a seuerall path, but let vs meete,
    At Bethlem Monasterie, some space of time
    Being spent betweene the arriuall each of other,
    As if we came to see the Lunaticks.
    To horse, away, be secret on your liues,
    2415Loue must be punisht that vniustly thriues. Exeunt.
    Flu. Be secret on your liues! Castruchio
    Y'are
    CVRTIZAN.
    Y'are but a scuruy Spaniell; honest Lord,
    Good Lady: Zounds their loue is iust, tis good,
    And Ile preuent you, tho I swim in bloud. Exit.
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