The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Modern)

 2419.1[5.2]
 5.2.0.12420Enter Friar Anselmo, Hippolito, Mattheo, [and] Infelice.
 5.2.12421Hippolito
 Nay, nay, resolve, good father, or deny.
 5.2.22422Anselmo
 You press me to an act both full of danger
 5.2.32423And full of happiness, for I behold
 5.2.42424Your fatherʼs frowns, his threats, nay perhaps death
 5.2.52425To him that dare do this. Yet, noble lord,
 5.2.62426Such comfortable beams break through these clouds
 5.2.72427By this blest marriage that – your honoured word
 5.2.82428Being pawned in my defence – I will tie fast
 5.2.92429The holy wedding-knot.
 Hippolito
 The holy wedding-knot.  Tush, fear not the Duke.
 5.2.102430Anselmo
 O son,
 5.2.11Wisely to fear is to be free from fear.
 5.2.122431Hippolito
 You have our words, and you shall have our lives,
 5.2.132432To guard you safe from all ensuing danger.
 5.2.142433Mattheo
 [To Anselmo] Ay, ay; chop ʼem up, and away.
 5.2.152434Anselmo
 Stay; when isʼt fit for me, safest for you,
 5.2.162435To entertain this business?
 2436Hippolito
 To entertain this business?  Not till the evening.
 5.2.172437Anselmo
 Beʼt so. There is a chapel stands hard by,
 5.2.182438Upon the west end of the abbey wall.
 5.2.192439Thither convey yourselves, and when the sun
 5.2.202440Hath turned his back upon this upper world,
 5.2.212441Iʼll marry you. That done, no thundʼring voice
 5.2.222442Can break the sacred bond. Yet, lady, here
 5.2.23You are most safe.
 2443Infelice
 You are most safe.  Father, your loveʼs most dear.
 5.2.242444Mattheo
 Ay, well said! Lock us into some little room by 2445ourselves, that we may be mad for an hour or two.
 5.2.252446Hippolito
 O good Mattheo, no. Letʼs make no noise.
 5.2.262447Mattheo
 How? No noise? Do you know where you are? ʼSfoot, 2448amongst all the madcaps in Milan, so that to throw the house 2449out at window will be the better, and no man will suspect that 2450we lurk here to steal mutton; the more sober we are, the 2451more scurvy ʼtis. And though the friar tell us that here we are 2452safest, Iʼm not of his mind; for if those lay here that had lost 2453their money, none would ever look after them. But here are 2454none but those that have lost their wits, so that if hue and cry 2455be made, hither theyʼll come; and my reason is, because none 2456goes to be married till he be stark mad.
 5.2.272457Hippolito
 Muffle yourselves: yonderʼs Fluello.
 5.2.27.1Enter Fluello.
 2458Mattheo
 Muffle yourselves: yonderʼs Fluello.  Zounds!
 5.2.282459Fluello
 [To Hippolito] O my lord, these cloaks are not for this rain; the 2460tempest is too great. I come sweating to tell you of it, that 2461you may get out of it.
 5.2.292462Mattheo
 Why, whatʼs the matter?
 5.2.302463Fluello
 ‘Whatʼs the matter?ʼ You have ‘matteredʼ it fair: the Dukeʼs at hand.
 5.2.312464All [but Fluello]
 The Duke?
 2465Fluello
 The Duke?  The very Duke.
 2466Hippolito
 The Duke? The very Duke.  Then all our plots
 5.2.322467Are turned upon our heads, and we are blown up
 5.2.332468With our own underminings. ʼSfoot, how comes he?
 5.2.342469What villain durst betray our being here?
 5.2.352470Fluello
 Castruccio. Castruccio told the Duke, and Mattheo 2471here told Castruccio.
 5.2.362472Hippolito
 [To Mattheo] Would you betray me to Castruccio?
 5.2.372473Mattheo
 ʼSfoot, he damned himself to the pit of hell if he spake onʼt again.
 5.2.382474Hippolito
 So did you swear to me; so were you damned.
 5.2.392475Mattheo
 Pox on ʼem, and there be no faith in men, if a man shall 2476not believe oaths. He took bread and salt, by this light, that 2477he would never open his lips.
 5.2.40Hippolito
 O God, O God!
 2478Anselmo
 O God, O God!  Son, be not desperate.
 5.2.412479Have patience; you shall trip your enemy down
 5.2.422480By his own sleights. [To Fluello] How far is the Duke hence?
 5.2.432481Fluello
 Heʼs but new set out. Castruccio, Pioratto, and Sinezi 2482come along with him. You have time enough yet to prevent 2483them, if you have but courage.
 5.2.442484Anselmo
 You shall steal secretly into the chapel
 5.2.452485And presently be married. If the Duke
 5.2.462486Abide here still, spite of ten thousand eyes
 5.2.472487You shall ʼscape hence like friars.
 5.2.482488Hippolito
 O blest disguise! O happy man!
 5.2.492489Anselmo
 Talk not of happiness till your closed hand
 5.2.502490Have her by thʼforehead, like the lock of Time.
 5.2.512491Be not too slow, nor hasty, now you climb
 5.2.522492Up to the towʼr of bliss. Only be wary
 5.2.532493And patient, thatʼs all. If you like my plot,
 5.2.542494Build and despatch. If not, farewell; then not.
 5.2.552495Hippolito
 O, yes, we do applaud it. Weʼll dispute
 5.2.562496No longer, but will hence and execute.
 5.2.572497Fluello, youʼll stay here. Let us be gone.
 5.2.582498The ground that frighted lovers tread upon
 5.2.592499Is stuck with thorns.
 2500Anselmo
 Is stuck with thorns.  Come then, away. ʼTis meet,
 5.2.602501To escape those thorns, to put on wingèd feet.
 5.2.60.1Exeunt [Anselmo, Hippolito, and Infelice].
 5.2.612502Mattheo
 No words, I pray, Fluello, for it stands us upon.
 5.2.622503Fluello
 O sir, let that be your lesson.
 5.2.62.1[Exit Mattheo.]
 5.2.632504Alas, poor lovers! On what hopes and fears
 5.2.642505Men toss themselves for women! When sheʼs got,
 5.2.652506The best has in her that which pleaseth not.
 5.2.65.12507Enter, to Fluello, the Duke, Castruccio, Pioratto, and 2508Sinezi from several doors, muffled.
 5.2.662509Duke
 Whoʼs there?
 Castruccio
 Whoʼs there?  My lord – 
 2510Duke
 Whoʼs there? My lord –   Peace! Send that ‘lordʼ away!
 5.2.672511A lordship will spoil all; letʼs be all fellows. – 
 5.2.682512[Indicating Sinezi] Whatʼs he?
 5.2.69Castruccio
 Fluello; or else Sinezi, by his little legs.
 5.2.702513All [but Duke]
 All friends, all friends.
 5.2.712514Duke
 What, met upon the very point of time?
 5.2.722515Is this the place?
 Pioratto
 Is this the place?  This is the place, my lord.
 5.2.732516Duke
 Dream you on lordships? Come, no more ‘lordsʼ, pray!
 5.2.742517You have not seen these lovers yet?
 All [but Duke] 
 You have not seen these lovers yet?  Not yet.
 5.2.752518Duke
 Castruccio, art thou sure this wedding feat
 5.2.762519Is not till afternoon?
 5.2.772520Castruccio
 So ʼtis given out, my lord.
 5.2.782521Duke
 Nay, nay, ʼtis like. Thieves must observe their hours;
 5.2.792522Lovers watch minutes like astronomers.
 5.2.802523How shall the interim hours by us be spent?
 5.2.812524Fluello
 Letʼs all go see the madmen.
 2525All [but Duke] 
 Letʼs all go see the madmen.  Mass, content.
 5.2.81.1Enter a Sweeper.
 5.2.822526Duke
 O, here comes one; question him, question him.
 5.2.832527Fluello
 How now, honest fellow, dost thou belong to the house?
 5.2.842528Sweeper 
 Yes, forsooth, I am one of the implements. I sweep the 2529madmenʼs rooms, and fetch straw for ʼem, and buy chains 2530to tie ʼem and rods to whip ʼem. I was a mad wag myself here 2531once, but I thank Father Anselm he lashed me into my right mind again.
 5.2.852532Duke
 [Aside to the others] Anselmo is the friar must marry them.
 5.2.862533Question him where he is.
 5.2.872534Castruccio
 And where is Father Anselmo now?
 5.2.882535Sweeper 
 Marry, heʼs gone but eʼen now.
 5.2.892536Duke
 [To Castruccio] Ay, well done.
 [To Castruccio] Ay, well done.  [To the Sweeper] Tell me, whither is he gone?
 5.2.902537Sweeper 
 Why, to God aʼmighty.
 5.2.912538Fluello
 [Laughing] Ha, ha, this fellow is a fool, talks idly.
 5.2.922539Pioratto
 Sirrah, are all the mad folks in Milan brought hither?
 5.2.932540Sweeper 
 How, all? Thereʼs a wise question indeed! Why, if all the 2541mad folks in Milan should come hither, there would not be 2542left ten men in the city.
 5.2.942543Duke
 Few gentlemen or courtiers here, ha?
 5.2.952544Sweeper 
 O yes, abundance, abundance. Lands no sooner fall 2545into their hands but straight they run out oʼtheir wits. 2546Citizenʼs sons and heirs are free of the house by their fathersʼ copy. 2547Farmersʼ sons come hither like geese, in flocks; and when they 2548haʼ sold all their cornfields, here they sit and pick the straws.
 5.2.962549Sinezi
 Methinks you should have women here as well as men.
 5.2.972550Sweeper
 O, ay. A plague on ʼem; thereʼs no ho with them – they are 2551madder than March hares.
 5.2.982552Fluello
 Are there no lawyers here amongst you?
 5.2.992553Sweeper 
 O, no, not one. Never any lawyer; we dare not let a 2554lawyer come in, for heʼll make ʼem mad faster than we can 2555recover em.
 5.2.1002556Duke
 And how long isʼt ere you recover any of these?
 5.2.1012557Sweeper 
 Why, according to the quantity of the moon thatʼs 2558got into ʼem. An aldermanʼs son will be mad a great while, 2559a very great while, especially if his friends left him well. A 2560whore will hardly come to her wits again. A Puritan – thereʼs no 2561hope of him, unless he may pull down the steeple and hang 2562himself iʼthʼ bell-ropes.
 5.2.1022563Fluello
 I perceive all sorts of fish come to your net.
 5.2.1032564Sweeper 
 Yes, in truth, we have blocks for all heads; we have 2565good store of wild oats here. For the courtier is mad at 2566the citizen, the citizen is mad at the countryman, the 2567shoemaker is mad at the cobbler, the cobbler at the carman; the 2568punk is mad that the merchantʼs wife is no whore, the 2569merchantʼs wife is mad that the punk is so common a whore. 2570Godso, hereʼs Father Anselm; pray, say nothing that I tell tales 2571out of the school. 
 5.2.103.1Exit.
 5.2.103.2Enter Anselmo [with Servants].
 5.2.1042572All 
 God bless you, father.
 2573Anselmo
 God bless you, father.  Thank you, gentlemen.
 5.2.1052574Castruccio
 Pray, may we see some of those wretched souls
 5.2.1062575That here are in your keeping?
 Anselmo
 That here are in your keeping?  Yes, you shall.
 5.2.1072576But, gentlemen, I must disarm you, then.
 5.2.1082577There are of mad men, as there are of tame,
 5.2.1092578All humoured not alike. We have here some
 5.2.1102579So apish and fantastic, play with a feather;
 5.2.1112580And though ʼtwould grieve a soul to see Godʼs image
 5.2.1122581So blemished and defaced, yet do they act
 5.2.1132582Such antic and such pretty lunacies
 5.2.1142583That spite of sorrow they will make you smile.
 5.2.1152584Others again we have like hungry lions,
 5.2.1162585Fierce as wild bulls, untameable as flies,
 5.2.1172586And these have oftentimes from strangersʼ sides
 5.2.1182587Snatched rapiers suddenly and done much harm;
 5.2.1192588Whom if youʼll see, you must be weaponless.
 5.2.1202589Castruccio, Fluello, Pioratto, and Sinezi
 With all our hearts. 
 5.2.120.1[They take off their weapons.]
 2590Anselmo
 With all our hearts.   [To a Servant] Here, take these weapons in. 
 5.2.120.2[Exit Servant with weapons.]
 5.2.1212591[To the Duke and Gentlemen] Stand off a little, pray. So, so, ʼtis well.
 5.2.1222592Iʼll show you here a man that was sometimes
 5.2.1232593A very grave and wealthy citizen,
 5.2.1242594Has served a prenticeship to this misfortune,
 5.2.1252595Been here seven years and dwelt in Bergamo.
 5.2.1262596Duke
 How fell he from himself?
 2597Anselmo
 How fell he from himself?  By loss at sea.
 5.2.1272598Iʼll stand aside; question him you alone,
 5.2.1282599For if he spy me heʼll not speak a word
 5.2.1292600Unless heʼs throughly vexed.
 5.2.129.1[He] discovers an old man, [1 Madman], wrapped in a net.
 2601Fluello
 Unless heʼs throughly vexed.  Alas, poor soul!
 5.2.1302602Castruccio
 A very old man.
 5.2.131Duke
 [To 1 Madman] God speed, father.
 5.2.13226031 Madman 
 God speed the plough! Thou shalt not speed me.
 5.2.1332604Pioratto
 We see you, old man, for all you dance in a net.
 5.2.13426051 Madman
 True, but thou wilt dance in a halter, and I shall not see thee.
 5.2.1352606Anselmo
 [To the Gentlemen] O, do not vex him, pray.
 5.2.1362607Castruccio
 Are you a fisherman, father?
 5.2.13726081 Madman
 No, Iʼm neither fish nor flesh.
 5.2.1382609Fluello
 What do you with that net, then?
 5.2.13926101 Madman
 Dost not see, fool? Thereʼs a fresh salmon inʼt. If 2611you step one foot further, youʼll be over shoes; for you see Iʼm 2612over head and ear in the salt water, and if you fall into this 2613whirlpool where I am, youʼre drowned, youʼre a drowned rat. I am 2614fishing here for five ships, but I cannot have a good draught, 2615for my net breaks still, and breaks; but Iʼll break some of 2616your necks an I catch you in my clutches. Stay, stay, stay, stay, 2617stay; whereʼs the wind, whereʼs the wind, whereʼs the wind, 2618whereʼs the wind? Out, you gulls, you goose-caps, you 2619gudgeon-eaters! Do you look for the wind in the heavens? [Laughing] 2620Ha, ha, ha, ha! No, no, look there, look there, look there: the 2621wind is always at that door. Hark how it blows – pooff, 2622pooff, pooff!
 5.2.140All [but Anselmo]
 [Laughing] Ha, ha, ha!
 5.2.14126231 Madman
 Do you laugh at Godʼs creatures? Do you mock old 2624age, you rogues? Is this grey beard and head counterfeit, that 2625you cry ‘ha, ha, haʼ? [To Pioratto] Sirrah, art not thou my eldest son?
 5.2.1422626Pioratto
 Yes, indeed, father.
 5.2.14326271 Madman
 Then thouʼrt a fool, for my eldest son had a polt-2628foot, crooked legs, a verjuice face, and a pear-coloured beard. 2629I made him a scholar, and he made himself a fool. [To the Duke] Sirrah, 2630thou there, hold out thy hand.
 5.2.144Duke
 My hand? Well, here ʼtis.
 5.2.14526311 Madman
 Look, look, look, look! Has he not long nails 2632and short hair?
 5.2.146Fluello
 Yes, monstrous short hair and 2633abominable long nails.
 5.2.1471 Madman
 Ten-penny nails, are they not?
 5.2.1482634Fluello
 Yes, ten-penny nails.
 5.2.14926351 Madman 
 Such nails had my second boy. [To the Duke] Kneel down, 2636thou varlet, and ask thy father blessing. – Such nails had my 2637middlemost son, and I made him a promoter; and he scraped, 2638and scraped, and scraped, till he got the devil and all. But he scraped 2639thus, and thus, and thus, and it went under his legs, till at length 2640a company of kites, taking him for carrion, swept up all, all, all, 2641all, all, all, all. If you love your lives, look to yourselves. See, see, 2642see, see, the Turkʼs galleys are fighting with my ships. 2643‘Bounce!ʼ go the guns. ‘Oooh!ʼ cry the men. ‘Rumble, rumble!ʼ 2644go the waters. Alas, there, ʼtis sunk, ʼtis sunk! I am 2645undone, I am undone! You are the damned pirates have undone 2646me. You are, by thʼLord, you are, you are! – Stop ʼem! – You are!
 5.2.1502647Anselmo
 Why, how now, sirrah? Must I fall to tame you?
 5.2.15126481 Madman 
 Tame me? No, Iʼll be madder than a roasted cat. 2649See, see, I am burnt with gunpowder; these are our close fights!
 5.2.1522650Anselmo
 Iʼll whip you if you grow unruly thus.
 5.2.15326511 Madman
 Whip me? Out, you toad! Whip me? What justice 2652is this, to whip me because Iʼm a beggar? Alas! I am a 2653poor man, a very poor man. I am starved, and have had no 2654meat, by this light, ever since the great flood. I am a poor 2655man.
 5.2.154Anselmo
 Well, well, be quiet, and you shall have meat.
 5.2.15526561 Madman
 Ay, ay, pray do. For look you, here be my guts, these 2657are my ribs. You may look through my ribs; see how my 2658guts come out. These are my red guts, my very guts, O, O!
 5.2.1562659Anselmo
 [To Servants] Take him in there.
 5.2.156.1[Servants remove 1 Madman.]
 2660All [but Anselmo]
 [To Servants] Take him in there.  A very piteous sight.
 5.2.1572661Castruccio
 Father, I see you have a busy charge.
 5.2.1582662Anselmo
 They must be used like children: pleased with toys,
 5.2.1592663And anon whipped for their unruliness.
 5.2.1602664Iʼll show you now a pair quite different
 5.2.1612665From him thatʼs gone. He was all words; and these,
 5.2.1622666Unless you urge ʼem, seldom spend their speech,
 5.2.1632667But save their tongues.
 5.2.163.1[Enter 2 and 3 Madmen.]
 But save their tongues.  [Indicating 3 Madman] La you, this hithermost
 5.2.1642668Fell from the happy quietness of mind
 5.2.1652669About a maiden that he loved, and died.
 5.2.1662670He followed her to church, being full of tears,
 5.2.1672671And as her body went into the ground
 5.2.1682672He fell stark mad.
 He fell stark mad.  [Indicating 2 Madman] That is a married man
 5.2.1692673Was jealous of a fair but, as some say,
 5.2.1702674A very virtuous wife, and that spoiled him.
 5.2.17126752 Madman
 All these are whoremongers, and lay with my wife: 2676whore, whore, whore, whore, whore!
 5.2.1722677Fluello
 Observe him.
 5.2.17326782 Madman
 Gaffer shoemaker, you pulled on my wifeʼs pumps 2679and then crept into her pantofles. Lie there, lie there. – This 2680was her tailor. You cut out her loose-bodied gown and put 2681in a yard more than I allowed her. Lie there by the shoemaker. – 2682O, Master Doctor, are you here? You gave me a purgation 2683and then crept into my wifeʼs chamber to feel her pulses; 2684and you said, and she said, and her maid said, that they went 2685pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat. Doctor, Iʼll put you anon into my 2686wifeʼs urinal. – Heigh, come aloft, Jack! This was her 2687schoolmaster, and taught her to play upon the virginals, and still 2688his jacks lept up, up. You pricked her out nothing but bawdy 2689lessons, but Iʼll prick you all – fiddler, doctor, tailor, 2690shoemaker; shoemaker, fiddler, doctor, tailor. So! Lie with my 2691wife again now.
 5.2.173.1[A Servant hands a meal to 3 Madman, who starts eating at once.]
 5.2.1742692Castruccio
 See how he notes the other, now he feeds.
 5.2.17526932 Madman 
 Give me some porridge.
 5.2.17626943 Madman 
 Iʼll give thee none.
 5.2.17726952 Madman 
 Give me some porridge.
 5.2.17826963 Madman 
 Iʼll not give thee a bit.
 5.2.17926972 Madman 
 Give me that flap-dragon.
 5.2.18026983 Madman 
 Iʼll not give thee a spoonful. Thou liʼst; itʼs no 2699dragon. ʼTis a parrot that I bought for my sweetheart, and 2700Iʼll keep it.
 5.2.18127012 Madman 
 Hereʼs an almond for parrot.
 5.2.18227023 Madman 
 Hang thyself.
 5.2.18327032 Madman 
 Hereʼs a rope for parrot.
 5.2.18427043 Madman 
 Eat it, for Iʼll eat this.
 5.2.18527052 Madman 
 Iʼll shoot at thee an thouʼt give me none.
 5.2.18627063 Madman 
 Wuʼt thou?
 5.2.18727072 Madman 
 Iʼll run a tilt at thee an thouʼt give me none.
 5.2.18827083 Madman 
 Wuʼt thou? Do, an thou darʼst.
 5.2.18927092 Madman 
 Bounce! [He strikes him.]
 5.2.19027103 Madman 
 Ooh, I am slain! Murder, murder, murder! I am 2711slain; my brains are beaten out!
 5.2.1912712Anselmo
 How now, you villains!
 How now, you villains!  [To Servants] Bring me whips.
 How now, you villains! [To Servants] Bring me whips.  [To 2 and 3 Madmen] Iʼll whip you.
 5.2.191.1[Exeunt Servants for whips, and return presently.]
 5.2.19227133 Madman
 I am dead. I am slain. Ring out the bell, for I am dead.
 5.2.1932714Duke
 [To 2 Madman] How will you do now, sirrah? You haʼ killed him.
 5.2.19427152 Madman 
 Iʼll answerʼt at sessions. He was eating of almond-2716butter, and I longed forʼt. The child had never been delivered 2717out of my belly if I had not killed him. Iʼll answerʼt at sessions, 2718so my wife may be burnt iʼthʼ hand, too.
 5.2.1952719Anselmo
 [To Servants] Take ʼem in both.
 [To Servants] Take ʼem in both.  [Indicating 3 Madman] Bury him, for heʼs dead.
 5.2.19627203 Madman 
 Ay, indeed, I am dead. Put me, I pray, into a good pit-hole.
 5.2.19727212 Madman 
 Iʼll answerʼt at sessions.
 5.2.197.1Exeunt [Servants with 2 and 3 Madmen].
 5.2.197.22722Enter Bellafront, [as though] mad.
 5.2.1982723Anselmo
 How now, huswife, whither gad you?
 5.2.1992724Bellafront
 A-nutting, forsooth. [To Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] How do you, gaffer? How do 2725you, gaffer? Thereʼs a French curtsy for you, too.
 5.2.2002726Fluello
 [Aside] ʼTis Bellafront!
 5.2.2012727Pioratto
 [Aside] ʼTis the punk, by thʼLord!
 5.2.2022728Duke
 [To Anselmo] Father, whatʼs she, I pray?
 2729Anselmo
 [To Anselmo] Father, whatʼs she, I pray?  As yet I know not;
 5.2.2032730She came but in this day, talks little idly,
 5.2.2042731And therefore has the freedom of the house.
 5.2.2052732Bellafront
 [To Anselmo, Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] Do not you know me? Nor you? Nor you? Nor you?
 5.2.2062733All Four
 No, indeed.
 5.2.2072734Bellafront
 [To Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] Then you are an ass, and you are an ass, and you 2735are an ass; for I know you.
 5.2.2082736Anselmo
 Why, what are they? Come, tell me, what are they?
 5.2.2092737Bellafront
 Three fishwives. Will you buy any gudgeons? Godʼs 2738santy! Yonder come friars. I know them too.
 5.2.209.12740Enter Hippolito, Mattheo, and Infelice disguised 2741in the habits of friars.
 5.2.210
 [Seizing Mattheo] How do you, 2739friar?
 5.2.2112742Anselmo
 [To Bellafront] Nay, nay, away; you must not trouble friars.
 5.2.2122743[Aside to Hippolito] The Duke is here. Speak nothing.
 5.2.2132744Bellafront
 [To Mattheo] Nay indeed, you shall not go; weʼll run at barley-break 2745first, and you shall be in hell.
 5.2.2142746Mattheo
 [Aside] My punk turned mad whore, as all her fellows are?
 5.2.2152747Hippolito
 [Aside to Mattheo and Infelice] Speak nothing, but steal hence when you spy time.
 5.2.2162748Anselmo
 [To Bellafront] Iʼll lock you up if youʼre unruly; fie!
 5.2.2172749Bellafront
 Fie? Marry faugh! They shall not go, indeed, till I haʼ told 2750ʼem their fortunes.
 5.2.2182751Duke
 [To Anselmo] Good father, give her leave.
 5.2.2192752Bellafront
 Ay, pray, good father, and Iʼll give you my blessing.
 5.2.2202753Anselmo
 Well then, be brief; but if you are thus unruly,
 5.2.2212754Iʼll have you locked up fast.
 2755Pioratto
 Iʼll have you locked up fast.  [To Bellafront] Come, to their fortunes.
 5.2.2222756Bellafront
 Let me see. One, two, three, and four; Iʼll begin with the little 2757friar first. [Taking Infeliceʼs hand] Hereʼs a fine hand indeed; I never saw friar have such 2758a dainty hand. Hereʼs a hand for a lady. You haʼ good fortune now.
 5.2.2232759O see, see, what a thread hereʼs spun!
 5.2.2242760You love a friar better than a nun,
 5.2.2252761Yet long youʼll love no friar, nor no friarʼs son. 
 5.2.225.12762[She] bow[s] a little.
 5.2.226The line of life is out. Yet Iʼm afraid,
 5.2.2272763For all youʼre holy, youʼll not die a maid.
 5.2.228God give you joy. [To Mattheo] 2764Now to you, Friar Tuck.
 5.2.228.1[She takes his hand.]
 5.2.2292765Mattheo
 God send me good luck.
 5.2.2302766Bellafront
 You love one, and one loves you;
 5.2.2312767You are a false knave, and sheʼs a Jew.
 5.2.2322768Here is a dial that false ever goes.
 5.2.2332769Mattheo
 O, your wit drops!
 2770Bellafront
 O, your wit drops!  Troth, so does your nose.
 5.2.234[To Hippolito] Nay, letʼs shake hands with you too.
 5.2.2352771Pray open. Hereʼs a fine hand. 
 5.2.2362772Ho, friar, ho! God be here!
 5.2.2372773[Aside] So He had need. [Aloud to him] Youʼll keep good cheer;
 5.2.2382774Hereʼs a free table, but a frozen breast,
 5.2.2392775For youʼll starve those that love you best.
 5.2.2402776Yet you have good fortune; for if I am no liar,
 5.2.2412777Then you are no friar, nor you, nor you no friar.
 5.2.241.1[She] discovers them.
 5.2.2422778[Laughing] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
 5.2.2432779Duke
 Are holy habits cloaks for villainy?
 5.2.2442780[To his companions] Draw all your weapons!
 2781Hippolito
 [To his companions] Draw all your weapons!  Do, draw all your weapons.
 5.2.2452782Duke
 Where are your weapons? Draw!
 5.2.2462783Castruccio, Fluello, Pioratto, and Sinezi 
 The friar has gulled us of ʼem.
 2784Mattheo
 The friar has gulled us of ʼem.  O rare trick!
 5.2.2472785You haʼ learnt one mad point of arithmetic. 
 5.2.2482786Hippolito
 Why swells your spleen so high? Against what bosom 
 5.2.2492787Would you your weapons draw?
 Would you your weapons draw?  [To the Duke] Hers? ʼTis your daughterʼs.
 5.2.2502788Mine? ʼTis your sonʼs.
 2789Duke
 Mine? ʼTis your sonʼs.  Son?
 2790Mattheo
 Mine? ʼTis your sonʼs. Son?  Son, by yonder sun.
 5.2.2512791Hippolito
 You cannot shed blood here but ʼtis your own;
 5.2.2522792To spill your own blood were damnation.
 5.2.2532793Lay smooth that wrinkled brow, and I will throw
 5.2.2542794Myself beneath your feet;
 5.2.2552795Let it be rugged still and flinted oʼer,
 5.2.2562796What can come forth but sparkles, that will burn
 5.2.2572797Yourself and us? Sheʼs mine. My claimʼs most good;
 5.2.2582798Sheʼs mine by marriage, though sheʼs yours by blood.
 5.2.2592799Anselmo 
 [Kneeling] I have a hand, dear lord, deep in this act,
 5.2.2602800For I foresaw this storm, yet willingly
 5.2.2612801Put forth to meet it. Oft have I seen a father
 5.2.2622802Washing the wounds of his dear son in tears,
 5.2.2632803A son to curse the sword that struck his father,
 5.2.2642804Both slain iʼthʼ quarrel of your families.
 5.2.2652805Those scars are now taʼen off, and I beseech you
 5.2.2662806To seal our pardon. All was to this end:
 5.2.2672807To turn the ancient hates of your two houses
 5.2.2682808To fresh green friendship, that your loves might look
 5.2.2692809Like the springʼs forehead, comfortably sweet,
 5.2.2702810And your vexed souls in peaceful union meet.
 5.2.2712811Their blood will now be yours, yours will be theirs,
 5.2.2722812And happiness shall crown your silver hairs. 
 5.2.2732813Fluello
 [To the Duke] You see, my lord, thereʼs now no remedy.
 5.2.2742814All [but Duke]
 Beseech your lordship!
 5.2.2752815Duke
 You beseech fair; you have me in place fit
 5.2.2762816To bridle me. – Rise, friar; you may be glad
 5.2.2772817You can make madmen tame, and tame men mad. 
 5.2.277.1[The Friar rises.]
 5.2.2782818Since fate hath conquered, I must rest content;
 5.2.2792819To strive now would but add new punishment.
 5.2.2802820[To Hippolito and Infelice] I yield unto your happiness. Be blest;
 5.2.2812821Our families shall henceforth breathe in rest.
 5.2.2822822All 
 O happy change!
 2823Duke
 O happy change!  Yours now is my content;
 5.2.2832824I throw upon your joys my full consent.
 5.2.2842825Bellafront
 [To the Duke] Am not I a fine fortune-teller? Godʼs me, you are a 2826brave man! Will not you buy me some sugar-plums for 2827telling how the friar was iʼthʼ well, will you not?
 5.2.2852828Duke
 Would thou hadst wit, thou pretty soul, to ask,
 5.2.2862829As I have will to give!
 5.2.2872830Bellafront
 ‘Pretty soulʼ? A pretty soul is better than a pretty body. [To Mattheo] 2831Do not you know my pretty soul?
 5.2.2882832Mattheo
 No.
 5.2.2892833Bellafront
 Look, fine man. Nay? I know you all by your noses; he 2834was mad for me once, and I was mad for him once, and he 2835was mad for her once, and were you never mad? Yes, I warrant. 2836Is not your name Mattheo?
 5.2.290Mattheo
 Yes, lamb.
 5.2.2912837Bellafront
 ‘Lambʼ? Baa! Am I lamb? There you lie; I am mutton. [To the Duke] 2838I had a fine jewel once, a very fine jewel, and that naughty 2839man stole it away from me – fine jewel, a very fine jewel.
 5.2.2922840Duke
 What jewel, pretty maid?
 5.2.2932841Bellafront
 ‘Maidʼ? Nay, thatʼs a lie. O, ʼtwas a golden jewel! Hark, ʼtwas called 2842a maidenhead. And that naughty man had it; had you not, leerer? [Seizing Mattheo.]
 5.2.2942843Mattheo
 Out, you mad ass, away!
 2844Duke
 Out, you mad ass, away!  Had he thy maidenhead?
 5.2.295He shall make thee 2845amends, and marry thee.
 5.2.2962846Bellafront
 Shall he? ‘O brave Arthur of Bradleyʼ, then! Shall he?
 5.2.2972847Duke
 An if he bear the mind of a gentleman,
 5.2.2982848I know he will.
 5.2.2992849Mattheo
 I think I rifled her of some such paltry jewel.
 5.2.3002850Duke
 Did you? Then marry her; you see the wrong
 5.2.3012851Has led her spirits into a lunacy.
 5.2.3022852Mattheo
 How? Marry her, my lord? ʼSfoot, marry a 2853madwoman? Let a man get the tamest wife he can come by, sheʼll be 2854mad enough afterward, do what he can.
 5.2.3032855Duke
 Father Anselmo here shall do his best
 5.2.3042856To bring her to her wits. And will you then?
 5.2.3052857Mattheo
 I cannot tell – I may choose.
 5.2.3062858Duke
 Nay, then law shall compel. I tell you, sir,
 5.2.3072859So much her hard fate moves me, you should not breathe
 5.2.3082860Under this air, unless you married her.
 5.2.3092861Mattheo
 Well then, when her wits stand in their right place, Iʼll marry her.
 5.2.3102862Bellafront
 I thank your Grace.
 I thank your Grace.  [Revealing herself] Mattheo, thou art mine.
 5.2.3112863I am not mad, but [Turning to Hippolito] put on this disguise
 5.2.3122864Only for you, my lord, for you can tell
 5.2.3132865Much wonder of me. But you are gone. Farewell! – 
 5.2.3142866Mattheo, thou first madʼst me black; 2867now make me
 5.2.315White as before. I vow to thee, Iʼm now
 5.2.3162868As chaste as infancy, pure as Cynthiaʼs brow.
 5.2.3172869Hippolito
 I durst be sworn, Mattheo, sheʼs indeed.
 5.2.3182870Mattheo
 Cony-catched, gulled, must I sail in your fly-boat
 5.2.3192871Because I helped to rear your mainmast first?
 5.2.3202872Plague ʼfound you forʼt! – ʼTis well.
 5.2.3212873The cuckoldʼs stamp goes current in all nations.
 5.2.3222874Some men have horns given them at their creations;
 5.2.3232875If I be one of those, why, so. Itʼs better
 5.2.3242876To take a common wench, and make her good,
 5.2.3252877Than one that simpers and at first will scarce
 5.2.3262878Be tempted forth over the threshold door,
 5.2.3272879Yet in one seʼnnight, zounds, turns arrant whore.
 5.2.3282880Come, wench, thou shalt be mine. Give me thy golls.
 [They join hands.]
 5.2.3292881Weʼll talk of legs hereafter. [To the Duke] See, my lord!
 5.2.3302882God give us joy.
 5.2.331All [but Mattheo and Bellafront] 
 God give you joy!
 5.2.331.12883Enter [Viola], Candidoʼs Wife, and George.
 5.2.3322884George
 Come, mistress, we are in Bedlam now. Mass, and see: we 2885come in pudding-time, for hereʼs the Duke. 
 5.2.3332886Viola
 [To the Duke] My husband, good my lord!
 5.2.3342887Duke
 Have I thy husband?
 5.2.3352888Castruccio
 Itʼs Candido, my lord; heʼs here among the lunatics. 2889Father Anselmo, pray fetch him forth.
 5.2.335.1[Exit Anselmo.]
 5.2.336
 This madwoman is 2890his wife, and, though she were not with child, yet did she long 2891most spitefully to have her husband, that was as patient as 2892Job, to be more mad than ever was Orlando; and because she 2893would be sure he should turn Jew, she placed him here in 2894Bethlem. – Yonder he comes.
 5.2.336.12895Enter Candido with Anselmo.
 5.2.3372896Duke
 Come hither, signor. Are you mad?
 5.2.3382897Candido
 You are not mad.
 5.2.339Duke
 Why, I know that.
 5.2.3402898Candido
 Then may you know I am not mad, that know
 5.2.3412899You are not mad, and that you are the Duke.
 5.2.3422900None is mad here but one. – How do you, wife?
 5.2.3432901What do you long for now? – Pardon, my lord.
 5.2.3442902Duke
 Why, signor, came you hither?
 2903Candido
 Why, signor, came you hither?  O my good lord,
 5.2.3452904She had lost her childʼs nose else. I did cut out
 5.2.3462905Pennyworths of lawn; the lawn was yet mine own.
 5.2.3472906A carpet was my gown, yet ʼtwas mine own.
 5.2.3482907I wore my manʼs coat, yet the cloth mine own;
 5.2.3492908Had a cracked crown, the crown was yet mine own.
 5.2.3502909She says for this Iʼm mad. Were her words true,
 5.2.3512910I should be mad indeed. O foolish skill!
 5.2.3522911Is patience madness? Iʼll be a madman still.
 5.2.3532912Viola
 [Kneeling] Forgive me, and Iʼll vex your spirit no more.
 5.2.3542913Duke
 Come, come, weʼll have you friends; join hearts, join hands!
 5.2.3552914Candido
 [Joining hands with Viola] See, my lord, we are even.
 5.2.3562915[To her] Nay, rise, for ill deeds kneel unto none but heaven.
 [She rises.]
 5.2.3572916Duke
 Signor, methinks patience has laid on you
 5.2.3582917Such heavy weight that you should loathe it.
 2918Candido
 Such heavy weight that you should loathe it.  Loathe it?
 5.2.3592919Duke
 For he whose breast is tender, blood so cool,
 5.2.3602920That no wrongs heat it, is a patient fool.
 5.2.3612921What comfort do you find in being so calm?
 5.2.3622922Candido
 That which green wounds receive from sovereign balm.
 5.2.3632923Patience, my lord, why, ʼtis the soul of peace;
 5.2.3642924Of all the virtues ʼtis nearʼst kin to heaven.
 5.2.3652925It makes men look like gods. The best of men
 5.2.3662926That eʼer wore earth about him was a sufferer,
 5.2.3672927A soft, meek, patient, humble, tranquil spirit,
 5.2.3682928The first true gentle-man that ever breathed.
 5.2.3692929The stock of patience, then, cannot be poor;
 5.2.3702930All it desires it has. What monarch more?
 5.2.3712931It is the greatest enemy to law
 5.2.3722932That can be, for it doth embrace all wrongs,
 5.2.3732933And so chains up lawyersʼ and womenʼs tongues.
 5.2.3742934ʼTis the perpetual prisonerʼs liberty,
 5.2.3752935His walks and orchards. ʼTis the bondslaveʼs freedom,
 5.2.3762936And makes him seem proud of each iron chain,
 5.2.3772937As though he wore it more for state than pain.
 5.2.3782938It is the beggarsʼ music, and thus sings – 
 5.2.3792939Although their bodies beg – their souls are kings.
 5.2.3802940O my dread liege! It is the sap of bliss
 5.2.3812941Rears us aloft, makes men and angels kiss;
 5.2.3822942And, last of all, to end a household strife,
 5.2.3832943It is the honey ʼgainst a waspish wife.
 5.2.3842944Duke
 Thou givʼst it lively colours; who dare say
 5.2.3852945Heʼs mad whose words march in so good array?
 5.2.3862946ʼTwere sin all women should such husbands have,
 5.2.3872947For every man must then be his wifeʼs slave.
 5.2.3882948Come, therefore. You shall teach our court to shine;
 5.2.3892949So calm a spirit is worth a golden mine.
 5.2.3902950Wives with meek husbands that to vex them long,
 5.2.3912951In Bedlam must they dwell, else dwell they wrong.
 5.2.391.12952Exeunt.
 5.2.391.22953FINIS.
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The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Modern)
