12241225Enter Candido, his wife, George, and two Prentices in the 12251226shop: Fustigo enters, walking by. 12261227Geor. See Gentlemen, what you lack? a
fine Holland,
12271228a
fine Cambrick,
see what you buy.
122812291. Pr. Holland for
shirts, Cambrick for bands, what i
st (you lack?
12291230Fust. Sfoot, I lack em all, nay more, I lack money to buy
12301231em: let me
see, let me looke agen: ma
sse this is the
shop;
12311232What Coz!
sweet Coz! how do
st ifayth,
since la
st night
12321233after candlelight? we had good
sport ifayth, had we not?
12351236Fust. Spoke like a kind Lacedemoniā: I
see yonders thy (husband.
12361237Wi. I, ther's the
sweet youth, God ble
sse him.
12371238Fust. And how i
st Cozen? & how? how i
st thou
squall?
12391240Fust. How fare I? troth, for
sixpence a meale, wench, as
12401241wel as heart can wi
sh, with Calues chaldrons and chitter
- 12411242lings, be
sides I haue a
Punck after
supper, as good as a ro
-(a
sted Apple.
12431244Fust. A am,
sir, what ha
st thou to do with that?
12441245Cand. O, nothing but y'are welcome.
E 2 Fust. The
THE HONEST WHORE.
12451246Fust. The Deuils dung in thy teeth: Ile be welcom whe
- 12461247ther thou wilt or no, I: What Ring's this Coz? very pretty
12471248and fanta
sticall ifayth, lets
see it.
12481249Wife Puh! nay you wrench my
finger.
12491250Fust. I ha
sworne Ile ha't, and I hope you wil not let my
12501251othes be crackt in the ring, wil you? I hope,
sir, you are not
12511252mallicolly at this for all your great lookes: are you angry?
12521253Cand. Angry? not I
sir, nay, if
she can part
12531254So ea
sily with her Ring, tis with my heart.
12541255Geo. Su
ffer this,
sir, &
su
ffer all, a whore
son Gull, to --,
12551256Can. Peace,
George, whē
she has reapt what I haue
sown,
12561257Sheele
say, one grayne ta
stes better of her owne,
12571258Then whole
sheaues gatherd
from anothers land:
12581259Wit's neuer good, till bought at a deare hand.
12591260Geo. But in the meane time
she makes an A
sse of
some (body.
126012612. Pren. See,
see,
see,
sir, as you turne your backe, they
12621263Cand. No matter, let 'em: when I touch her lip,
12631264I
shall not feele his ki
sses, no nor mi
sse
12641265Any of her lip: no harme in ki
ssing is.
12651266Looke to your bu
sine
sse, pray, make vp your wares.
12661267Fust. Troth Coz, and well remembred, I would thou
12671268would
st giue mee
fiue yards of Lawne, to make my
Punke 12681269some falling bands a the fa
shiō, three falling one vpon ano
- 12691270ther: for that's the new editiō now:
she's out of linnen hor
- 12701271ribly too, troth,
sha's neuer a good
smock to her back ney
- 12711272ther, but one that has a great many patches in't, & that I'm
12721273faine to weare my
selfe for want of
shift to: prithee put me
12731274into hole
som napery, & be
stow
some cleane commodities
12741275vpō vs.
Wife. Reach me tho
se Cambricks, & the Lawnes
12751276hither.
Cand. What to doe wife? to laui
sh out my goods
12771278Fust. Foole! Sneales eate the foole, or Ile
so batter your
12781279crowne, that it
shall
scarce go for
fiue
shillings.
127912802. Pr. Do you heare
sir? y'are be
st be quiet, &
say a foole (tels you
so.
12801281Fust. Nailes, I think
so, for thou tel
st me.
12811282Can. Are you angry
sir, becau
se I namde the foole?
12821283Tru
st me, you are not wi
se, in mine owne hou
se;
And
THE HONEST WHORE.
12831284And to my face to play the Anticke thus:
12841285If youle needs play the madman, choo
se a
stage
12851286Of le
sser compa
sse, where few eyes may note
12861287Your a
ctions errour; but if
still you mi
sse,
12871288As heere you doe, for one clap, ten will hi
sse.
12881289Fust. Zwounds Cozen, he talks to me, as if I were a
scur
- 129012912. pren. Sirra
George, I ha thought vpon a deuice, how to
12911292breake his pate, beat him
soundly, and
ship him away.
12921293Geor. Doo't.
2. Pre. Ile go in, pa
sse thorow the hou
se,
12931294giue
some of our fellow Prentices the watch-word when
12941295they
shal enter, then come & fetch my ma
ster in by a
1296wile,
1295and place one in the hall to hold him in conference,
1297whil
st 1296we cudgell the Gull out of his coxcombe.
12981299Wife. Mu
st I call twice for the
se Cambricks & lawnes?
12991300Cand. Nay
see, you anger her,
George, prithee di
spatch.
130013012. pr. Two of the choi
se
st pieces are in the warehou
se
sir.
13011302Cand. Go fetch them pre
sently.
Exit 1. prentice. 13031304Cand. Why were you
such a
stranger all this while,
13051306Fust. Stranger? no
sir, I me a naturall Millaner borne.
13061307Can. I perceyue
still it is your naturall guize to mi
stake
13071308me, but you are welcom
sir, I much wi
sh your acquaintāce.
13081309Fust. My acquaintance? I
scorne that ifayth; I hope my
13091310acquaintance goes in chaines of gold three and
fifty times
13101311double: you know who I meane, Coz, the po
sts of his gate
13111312are a paynting to.
Enter the 2. Prentice. 131213132. Pren. Signior Pandulfo the Marchāt de
sires conference
13131314with you.
Can. Signior Pandulfo? Ile be with him
straight.
13141315Attend your mi
stris and the Gentleman.
Exit. 13151316Wife. When do you
shew tho
se pieces?
1316Fust. I, when doe you
shew tho
se pieces?
13171317Omn. Pre
sently
sir, pre
sently, we are but charging thē.
13181318Fust. Come
sirra, you Flat-cap, where be the
se whites?
13191319Geo. Flat-cap? heark in your eare
sir, yare a
flat foole, an
13201320A
sse, a gull, & Ile thrum you: do you
see this cambrick
sir?
E 3 Fust. Sfoot,
THE HONEST WHORE.
13211321Fust. Sfoot Coz, a good ie
st, did you heare him? he told
13221322me in my eare,
I was a
flat foole, an A
sse, a Gull, and
Ile
13231323thrumb you: doe you
see this Cambrick
sir?
13251325Fust. No, not your men, but one of your men ifayth.
132613261. Pr. I pray
sir, come hither, what
say you to this? here
13281328Fust. I marry, this likes me well, cut me o
ff some halfe (
score yards.
132913292. Pr. Let your whores cut, yare an impudent coxcomb,
13301330you get none, & yet Ile thrum you.- A very good Cam
- 13321332Fust. Agen, agen, as God iudge me: Sfoot, Coz, they
13331333stand thrūming here with me all day, & yet
I get nothing.
133413341. Pr. A word
I pray
sir, you mu
st not be angry, prentices
13351335haue hote blouds, young fellowes,- What
say you to this
13361336piece? looke you, tis
so delicate,
so
soft,
so euen,
so
fine a
13371337thrid, that a Lady may weare it.
13381338Fust. Sfoot
I thinke
so, if a Knight marry my Punck, a
13391339Lady
shall weare it: cut me o
ff 20. yards: th'art an hone
st (lad.
134013401. Pr. Not without mony, gull, & ile thrū you to.
13421342Fust. O Lord,
sister, did you not heare
something cry
13431343thrum? zounds your men here make a plaine A
sse of me.
13441344Wi. What, to my face
so impudent?
13451345Geor. I, in a cau
se
so hone
st, weele not
su
ffer
13461346Our ma
sters goods to vani
sh mony le
sse.
13491349In going about to vex
so mild a bre
st,
13501350As is our ma
sters.
Wi. Take away tho
se pieces.
13521352Fust. Ma
sse, and
Ile take em as
freely.
13531353Om. Weele make you lay em down agen more
freely.
13541354Wi. Help, help, my brother wilbe murdered.
Enter Can. 13551355Cand. How now, what coyle is here? forbeare, I
say.
13561356Geor. He cals vs Flatcaps, and abu
ses vs.
13571357Can. Why,
sirs? do
such examples
flow
from me?
13581358Wi. They are of your keeping
sir, alas poore brother.
Fust. I
THE HONEST WHORE.
13591359Fust. I fayth they ha pepperd me,
sister: looke, doo
st not
13601360spin? call you the
se Prentices? Ile nere play at cards more
13611361whē clubs is trump: I haue a goodly coxcomb,
sister, haue (I not?
13621362Cand. Si
ster and brother, brother to my wife.
13631363Fust. If you haue any skill in Heraldry, you may
soone
13641364know that, break but her pate, and you
shall
see her blood
13661366Can. A Surgeon, run, a Surgeon: Why then wore you
13681368Fust. Becau
se its a common thing to call Coz, and min
- 13691369gle now adayes all the world ouer.
13701370Cand. Cozen! A name of much deceyt, folly and
sin,
13711371For vnder that common abu
sed word,
13731373Is made a mon
ster, and his wife traynd out
13741374To foule adulterous a
ction, full of
fraud.
13751375I may well call that word, A Cities Bawd.
13761376Fust. Troth, brother, my
sister would needs ha me take
13771377vpon me to gull your patience a little: but it has made
13791379Wife. What, playing the woman? blabbing now you (foole?
13801380Cand. O, my wife did but exerci
se a ie
st vpon your wit.
13811381Fust. Sfoot, my wit bleeds for't, me thinks.
13821382Cand. Then let this warning more of
sence a
fford.
13831383The name of Cozen is a bloudy word.
13841384Fnst. Ile nere call Coz agen whil
st I liue, to haue
such
13851385a coyle about it: this
should be a Coronation day; for my
13861386head runnes Claret lu
stily.
Exit. Enter an Officer. 13871387Can. Go with the Surgeon to haue great re
spe
ct.
13881388How now, my
friend, what, do they
sit to day?
13891389Off. Yes
sir, they expe
ct you at the Senate-hou
se.
13901390Can. I thāk your paines, Ile not be la
st man there.
Exit Off. 13911391My gowne,
George, goe, my gowne. A happy land,
13921392Where graue men meet each cau
se to vnder
stand,
13931393Who
se con
sciences are not cut out in brybes,
13941394To gull the poore mans right: but in euen
scales,
13951395Peize rich & poore, without corruptions veyles.
13961396Come, wheres the gowne?
Ge. I cannot
find the key
sir.
13971397Cand. Reque
st it of your mi
stris.
E 4 Wife. Come
THE HONEST WHORE.
13981398Wife. Come not to me for any key.
13991399Ile not be troubled to deliuer it.
14001400Cand. Good wife, kind wife, it is a needfull trouble,
14021402Wife. Mothes
swallow downe your gowne:
14031403you
set my teeth an edge with talking on't.
14041404Cand. Nay prythee,
sweet, I cannot meet without it,
14051405I
should haue a great
fine
set on my head.
14061406Wife. Set on your coxcomb: tu
sh,
fine me no
fines.
14071407Can. Beleeue me (
sweet) none greets the Senate-hou
se,
14081408without his Robe of reuerence, that's his Gowne.
14091409Wife. Wel, then y'are like to cro
sse that cu
stome once,
14101410You get nor key, nor gowne, and
so depart:
14111411This trick will vexe him
sure, and
fret his heart.
Exit. 14121412Cand. Stay, let me
see, I mu
st haue
some deuice,
14131413My cloke's too
short: fy, fy, no cloke will doo't:
14141414It mu
st be
something fa
shioned like a gowne,
14151415With my armes out: oh
George, come hither
George,
14161416I pry thee lend me thine aduice.
14171417Geor. Troth
sir, were it any but you, they would break (open che
st.
14181418Cand. O no, breake open che
st! thats a Theeues o
ffice:
14191419Therein you coun
sell me again
st my bloud:
14201420'Twould
shew impatience that, any meeke meanes
14211421I would be glad to imbrace. Ma
sse I haue got it:
14221422Go,
step vp, fetch me downe one of the Carpets,
14231423The
sadde
st colourd Carpet, hone
st George,
14241424Cut thou a hole ith middle for my necke,
14251425Two for mine armes, nay prithee looke not
strange.
14261426Geor. I hope you doe not thinke
sir, as you meane.
14271427Cand. Prithee about it quickly, the houre chides me:
14281428Warily George,
softly, take heed of eyes,
Exit George. 14291429Out of two euils hee's accounted wi
se,
14301430That can picke out the lea
st; the Fine impo
sde
14311431For an vn-gowned Senator, is about
14321432Forty Cruzadoes, the Carpet not 'boue foure.
14331433Thus haue I cho
sen the le
sser euill yet,
14341434Pre
seru'd my patience, foyld her de
sperate wit.
14351435Geor. Here,
sir, heer's the Carpet.
Enter George. Cand. O
THE HONEST WHORE.
14361436Cand. O well done,
George, weele cut it iu
st ith mid
st:
14371437Tis very well I thanke thee, helpe it on.
14381438Ge. It mu
st come ouer your head,
sir, like a wenches pe
-(ticoate.
14391439Cand. Th'art in the right, good
George, it mu
st indeed.
14401440Fetch me a nightcap: for Ile gyrd it clo
se,
14411441As if my health were queazy: 'twill
show well
14421442For a rude carele
sse night-gowne, wil't not think
st?
14431443Ge. Indi
fferent wel,
sir, for a night-gowne, being girt & (pleated.
14441444Cand. I, and a night-cap on my head.
14451445Ge. Thats true
sir, Ile run & fetch one, & a
sta
ffe.
Exit Ge. 14461446Cand. For thus they cannot chu
se but con
ster it,
14471447One that is out of health, takes no delight,
14481448Weares his apparell without appetite,
14491449And puts on heedles rayment without forme.
Enter Geo. 14501450So
so, kind G
eorge, be
secret now: & prithee do not laugh
14511451at me till Ime out of
sight.
Geo. I laugh? not I
sir.
14531453Methinks, Ide rather weare, without a
frowne,
14541454A patient Carpet, then an angry Gowne.
Exit. 14551455Ge. Now looks my M. iu
st like one of our carpet knights,
14561456only hee's
somwhat the hone
ster of the two.
Enter Can-didoes wife. 14581458Geo. Yes for
sooth, his backe is but new turnd.
14591459Wi. And in his cloke? did he not vexe and
sweare?
14601460Geor. No, but heele make you
sweare anon: no indeed,
14621462Wife. Key
sinke to hell:
still patient, patient
still!
14631463I am with child to vexe him: prythee G
eorge,
14641464If ere thou look
st for fauour at my hands,
14651465Vphold one Ie
st for me.
Geor. Again
st my ma
ster?
14661466Wi. Tis a meere ie
st in fayth:
say, wilt thou doo't?
14681468Wi. Heere, take this key, thou know
st where all things (lie,
14691469Put on thy ma
sters be
st apparell, Gowne,
14701470Chayne, Cap, Ru
ffe, euery thing, be like him
selfe,
14711471And 'gain
st his comming home, walke in the
shop,
14721472Fayne the
same cariage, and his patient looke,
14731473'Twill breed but a ie
st thou know
st,
speake, wilt thou?
14741474Geor. 'Twill wrong my ma
sters patience.
F Wi. Pry-
THE HONEST WHORE.
14751475Wi. Prythee
George.
Geor. Well, if youle
saue me
14761476harmle
sse, and put me vnder couert barne, I am content to
14771477plea
se you prouided it may breed no wrong again
st him.
14781478Wi. No wrong at all: here take the Key, be gone:
14791479If any vex him, this: if not this, none
Exeunt.