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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Quarto 1, 1604)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Authors: Thomas Dekker, Thomas Middleton
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Quarto 1, 1604)

    Candido's wife, and George: Pioratto
    meetes them.
    2295 Wi. O watch good George, watch which way the Duke (comes.
    Geo. Here comes one of the butter flies, aske him.
    Wi. Pray sir, comes the duke this way.
    Pio. He's vpon comming mi stris. Exit.
    Wi. I thanke you sir: Geroge are there many madfolkes,
    2300where thy Mai ster lies.
    Geo. O yes, of all countries some, but especially mad greekes
    they swarme: troth mi stris, the world is altered with you,
    you had not wont to stand thus with a paper humblie com-
    plaining: but you're well enough seru'd: prouander prickt
    2305you, as it does many of our Cittie-wiues be sides.
    Wif. Doe st thinke George we shall get him forth.
    Ge. Truly mi stris I cannot tel, I thinke youle hardly get him
    forth: why tis strange! Sfoot I haue known many womē that
    haue had mad rascals to their husbāds, whom they would be-
    2310labour by all meanes po s sible to keepe em in their right wits,
    but of a woman to long to turne a tame mā into a madman,
    why the diuell himselfe was neuer vsde so by his dam.
    Wif. How does he talke George! ha! good George tell me.
    Geo. Why youre be st go see.
    2315 Wif. Alas I am afraid.
    Geo. Afraid! you had more need be a shamd: he may ra-
    ther be afraid of you.
    Wif. But George hees not starke mad, is hee? hee does not
    raue, hees not horne-mad George is he?
    2320 Geo. Nay I know not that, but he talkes like a Iu stice of
    peace, of a thousand matters and to no purpose.
    Wif. Ile to the mona stery: I shall be mad till I inioy him,
    I shalbe sick till I see him, yet when I doe see him, I shall
    weepe out mine eyes.
    2325 Geo. I, ide faine see a woman weepe out her eyes; thats as
    true, as to say, a mans cloake burnes; when it hangs in the
    water: I know youle weepe mi stri s s e, but what saies the pain-
    ted cloth. Tru st not a woman when she cryes,
    For sheele pump water from her eyes,
    2330 With a wet finger, and in fa ster showers,
    Then Aprill when he raines downe flowers.
    Wif. I but George, that painted cloath is worthy to be
    hangd vp for lying, all women haue not teares at will, vnle s s e
    they haue good cause.
    2335 Geo. I but mi stri s s e how ea sily will they find a cause, and as
    one of our Cheese-trenchers sayes very learnedly:
    As out of Wormwood Bees suck Hony,
    As from poore clients Lawyers firke mony,
    As Par sley from a roa sted cunny.
    2340 So tho the day be nere so sunny,
    If wiues will haue it raine, downe then it driues,
    The calmest husbands make the stormest wiues,
    Wif. Tame George, but I ha don storming now.
    Geo. Why thats well done, good mi stris throw a side this
    2345fa shion of your humor, be not so phanta sticall in wearing it,
    storme no more, long no more.--This longing has made you
    come short of many a good thing that you might haue had
    from my Mai ster: Here comes the Duke.
    Enter Duke, Fluello, Pioratto, Sinere.
    2350 Wife. Oh I beseech you pardon my offence,
    In that I dur st abuse your Graces warrant,
    Deliuer foorth my husband good my Lord.
    Duke. Who is her husband?
    Flu. Candido my Lord, Duke. Where is he?
    2355 Wif. Hees among the lunaticks,
    He was a man made vp without a gall,
    Nothing could moue him, nothing could conuert
    His meeke bloud into fury, yet like a mon ster,
    I often beate at the mo st con stant rock
    2360Of his vn shaken patience, and did long
    To vex him. Duk. Did you so?
    Wife. And for that purpose,
    Had warrant from your Grace, to cary him
    To Bethlem Mona stery, whence they will not free him,
    2365Without your Graces hand that sent him in.
    Duke. You haue longd fayre; tis you are mad I feare,
    Its fit to fetch him thence, and keepe you there:
    If he be mad, why would you haue him forth?
    Geo. And please your grace, hees not starke mad, but one-
    2370ly talkes like a young Gentleman, somewhat phanta stically,
    thats all: theres a thousand about your court, citty and
    countrie madder then he.
    Duk. Prouide a warrant, you shall haue our hand.
    Geo. Heres a warrant ready drawne my Lord.
    2375 Cast . Get pen & Inck, get pen & inck: Enter Ca struchio.
    Cast Where is my Lord the Duke?
    Duke. How now? more mad men.
    Ca st . I haue strange newes my Lord.
    Duk. Of what? of whom?
    2380 Cast . Of Infaelice, and a mariage.
    Du. Ha! where? with whom.
    Cast . Hipolito. Geo. Here my Lord.
    Du. Hence with that woman, voyd the roome.
    Flu. Away, the Duke's vext.
    2385 Geo. Whoop, come mi stris the Duke's mad too. Exeunt.
    Du. Who told me that Hipolito was dead?
    Cast . He that can make any man dead, the Doctor: but
    my Lord, hees as full of life as wilde-fire, and as quick: Hipo -
    lito, the Doctor, and one more rid hence this euening; the
    2390Inne at which they light is Bethlem Mona starie: Infaeliche
    comes from Bergamo, and meetes them there: Hipolito is
    mad, for he meanes this day to be maryed, the after-noone is
    the houre, and Frier Anselmo is the knitter.
    Du. From Bergamo? i st po s sible? it cannot be,
    2395It cannot be.
    Cast . I will not sweare my Lord,
    But this intelligence I tooke from one,
    Whose braines workes in the plot.
    Du. Whats he? Ca st . Mathaeo.
    2400 Flu. Mathaeo knowes all. Pio. Hees Hipolitoes bosome.
    Duke. How farre stands Bethlem hence?
    Omn. Six or seauen miles.
    Duke. I st euen so, not maried till the afternoone you say?
    Stay, stay, lets worke out some preuention: how:
    2405This is mo st strange, can none but mad-men serue
    To dre s s e their wedding dinner? All of you,
    Get presently to horse; disguise your selues
    Like Countrie-Gentlemen,
    Or riding cittizens, or so: and take
    2410Each man a seuerall path, but let vs meete,
    At Bethlem Mona sterie, some space of time
    Being spent betweene the arriuall each of other,
    As if we came to see the Lunaticks.
    To horse, away, be secret on your liues,
    2415Loue mu st be puni sht that vniu stly thriues. Exeunt.
    Flu. Be secret on your liues! Ca struchio
    Y'are but a scuruy Spaniell; hone st Lord,
    Good Lady: Zounds their loue is iu st, tis good,
    And Ile preuent you, tho I swim in bloud. Exit.