Peer Reviewed
- Edition: The Honest Whore, Part 1
The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Modern)
- Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Acknowledgements
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Abbreviations
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Analysis of the Plays
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: The Plays in Performance
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Textual Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Appendices
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- Texts of this edition
- Facsimiles
1224[3.1]
3.1.0.11225Enter Candido, [Viola] his Wife, George, and two Prentices, in the 1226shop. Fustigo enters, walking by.
See, gentlemen, what you lack; a fine holland, 1228a fine cambric. See what you buy.
Holland for shirts, cambric for bands; what is始t you lack?
[Aside] 始Sfoot, I lack 始em all; nay more, I lack money to buy 1231始em. Let me see, let me look again. Mass, this is the shop! [To Viola] 1232What, coz! Sweet coz! How dost, i始faith, since last night 1233after candlelight? We had good sport, i始faith, had we not? 1234And when shall始s laugh again?
When you will, cousin.
Spoke like a kind Lacedemonian. I see yonder始s thy husband.
Ay, there始s the sweet youth, God bless him.
And how is始t, cousin? And how, how is始t, thou squall?
Well, cousin. How fare you?
How fare I? Troth, for sixpence a meal, wench, as 1241well as heart can wish, with calves始 chawdrons and 1242chitterlings; besides, I have a punk after supper, as good as a roasted apple.
[Approaching] Are you my wife始s cousin?
I am, sir. What hast thou to do with that?
O, nothing; but you始re welcome.
The devil始s dung in thy teeth! I始ll be welcome 1247whether thou wilt or no, I. [To Viola] What ring始s this, coz? Very pretty 1248and fantastical, i始faith. Let始s see it.
3.1.13.1[He tries to remove it.]
Pooh! Nay, you wrench my finger.
I ha始 sworn I始ll ha始t, and I hope you will not let my 1251oaths be cracked in the ring, will you? [He grabs the ring. To Candido] I hope, sir, you are not 1252mallicolly at this, for all your great looks. Are you angry?
Angry? Not I, sir; nay, if she can part
[To Candido] Suffer this, sir, and suffer all. A whoreson gull, to –
Peace, George. When she has reaped what I have sown,
3.1.22.1[Fustigo and Viola whisper, and kiss each other behind his back.]
But in the meantime she makes an ass of somebody.
See, see, see, sir; as you turn your back, they 1262do nothing but kiss.
1263Candido
No matter, let 始em. When I touch her lips,
[To Viola] Troth, coz, and well remembered. [To Candido] I would thou 1268wouldst give me five yards of lawn, to make my punk 1269some falling bands o始the fashion, three falling one upon 1270another ; for that始s the new edition now. She始s out of linen 1271horribly, too. Troth, sh始as never a good smock to her back 1272neither but one that has a great many patches in始t, and that I始m 1273fain to wear myself for want of shift, too. Prithee, put me 1274into wholesome napery, and bestow some clean commodities 1275upon us.
3.1.29Viola
[To George and the Prentices] Reach me those cambrics and the lawns 1276hither.
3.1.30Candido
What to do, wife? To lavish out my goods 1277upon a fool?
Fool? 始Snails, eat the ‘fool始, or I始ll so batter your 1279crown that it shall scarce go for five shillings.
[To Candido] Do you hear, sir? You始re best be quiet, and say a fool tells you so.
Nails, I think so – [To 2 Prentice] for thou tellst me.
Are you angry, sir, because I named thee fool?
[To Viola] Zounds, cousin, he talks to me as if I were a 1290scurvy tragedian.
3.1.41.1[The Prentices and George talk apart.]
Sirrah George, I ha始 thought upon a device how to 1292break his pate, beat him soundly, and ship him away.
Do始t.
3.1.442 Prentice
I始ll go in, pass through the house, 1294give some of our fellow prentices the watchword when 1295they shall enter, then come and fetch my master in by a 1296while, and place one in the hall to hold him in conference, 1297whilst we cudgel the gull out of his coxcomb.
Do始t. Away, do始t.
[To them] Must I call twice for these cambrics and lawns?
Nay, see, you anger her, George; prithee, despatch.
Two of the choicest pieces are in the warehouse, sir.
Go fetch them presently.
Ay, do, make haste, sirrah.
3.1.50.1Exit 2 Prentice.
[To Fustigo] Why were you such a stranger all this while, 1305being my wife始s cousin?
Stranger? No, sir, I始m a natural Milaner born.
I perceive still it is your natural guise to mistake 1308me. But you are welcome, sir; I much wish your acquaintance.
My acquaintance? I scorn that, i始faith. I hope my 1310acquaintance goes in chains of gold three-and-fifty times 1311double. – You know who I mean, coz; the posts of his gate 1312are a-painting, too.
3.1.54.1Enter 2 Prentice [with pieces of cambric and lawn].
[To Candido] Signor Pandulfo the merchant desires conference 1314with you.
3.1.56Candido
Signor Pandulfo? I始ll be with him straight.
3.1.56.1Exit.
1316Viola
[To 2 Prentice] When do you show those pieces?
3.1.58Fustigo
Ay, when do you show those pieces?
Presently, sir, presently; we are but charging them.
[To George] Come, sirrah, you flat-cap; where be these whites?
Flat-cap? [Aside to Fustigo] Hark in your ear, sir: you始re a flat fool, an 1320ass, a gull, and I始ll thrum you. Do you see this cambric, sir?
[To Viola] 始Sfoot, coz, a good jest! Did you hear him? He told 1322me in my ear I was ‘a flat fool, an ass, a gull, and I始ll 1323thrum you. Do you see this cambric, sir?始
[At some distance] What, not my men, I hope?
No, not your men, but one of your men, i始faith.
I pray, sir, come hither. [Indicating a piece of cambric] What say you to this? Here始s 1327an excellent good one.
Ay, marry, this likes me well; cut me off some half-score yards.
[Aside to him] Let your whores cut. You始re an impudent coxcomb; 1330you get none, and yet I始ll thrum you. [Aloud] A very good 1331cambric, sir.
Again, again, as God judge me! 始Sfoot, coz, they 1333stand thrumming here with me all day, and yet I get nothing.
A word, I pray, sir. You must not be angry. Prentices 1335have hot bloods – young fellows. What say you to this 1336piece? Look you, 始tis so delicate, so soft, so even, so fine a 1337thread that a lady may wear it.
始Sfoot, I think so. If a knight marry my punk, a 1339lady shall wear it. Cut me off twenty yards, thou始rt an honest lad.
[Aside to him] Not without money, gull, and I始ll thrum you too.
[Aside to him] Gull, we始ll thrum you.
O Lord, sister, did you not hear something cry 1343‘thump始? Zounds, your men here make a plain ass of me.
What, to my face so impudent?
Ay, in a cause so honest; we始ll not suffer
You始ll not suffer them?
13482 Prentice
No, and you may blush
Viola
[To Fustigo] Take away those pieces,
[Taking the pieces] Mass, and I始ll take 始em as freely.
We始ll make you lay 始em down again more freely.
3.1.82.1[Enter fellow Prentices; Fustigo is beaten with clubs.]
Help, help! My brother will be murderèd.
3.1.83.1Enter Candido.
How now, what coil is here? Forbear, I say.
3.1.84.1[Peace returns. Exeunt the fellow Prentices.]
He calls us flat-caps, and abuses us.
Why, sirs? Do such examples flow from me?
They are of your keeping, sir. – Alas, poor brother.
I始faith, they ha始 peppered me, sister. Look, does始t not 1360spin? Call you these prentices? I始ll ne始er play at cards more 1361when clubs is trump. I have a goodly coxcomb, sister, have I not?
‘Sister始 and ‘brother始? Brother to my wife?
If you have any skill in heraldry, you may soon 1364know that. Break but her pate, and you shall see her blood 1365and mine is all one.
[To 1 Prentice] A surgeon! Run; a surgeon!
3.1.91.1[Exit 1 Prentice.]
[To Fustigo] Why, then, wore you 1367that forged name of cousin?
Because it始s a common thing to call coz and 1369ningle nowadays, all the world over.
‘Cousin始! A name of much deceit, folly, and sin,
Troth, brother, my sister would needs ha始 made me take 1377upon me to gull your patience a little; but it has made 1378double gules on my coxcomb.
[To Fustigo] What, playing the woman? Blabbing now, you fool?
O, my wife did but exercise a jest upon your wit.
始Sfoot, my wit bleeds for始t, methinks.
Then let this warning more of sense afford;
I始ll ne始er call coz again whilst I live, to have such 1385a coil about it. This should be a coronation day, for my 1386head runs claret lustily.
3.1.106.1Exit.
[To 2 Prentice] Go, wish the surgeon to have great respect.
3.1.107.1[Exit 2 Prentice.]
3.1.107.2Enter an Officer.
[To the Officer] How now, my friend; what, do they sit today?
Yes, sir, they expect you at the Senate House.
I thank your pains; I始ll not be last man there.
3.1.110.1Exit Officer.
My gown, George; go, my gown.
3.1.111.1[Exit George.]
A happy land,
3.1.115.1[Enter George.]
[To him] Come, where始s the gown?
George
I cannot find the key, sir.
Request it of your mistress.
Come not to me for any key;
Good wife, kind wife, it is a needful trouble,
1402Viola
Moths swallow down your gown!
Nay, prithee, sweet, I cannot meet without it;
Set on your coxcomb! Tush, fine me no fines.
Believe me, sweet, none greets the Senate House
Well, then you始re like to cross that custom once.
3.1.130.1Exit.
Stay, let me see; I must have some device.
Truth, sir, were it any but you, they would break open chest.
O, no! Break open chest? That始s a thief始s office.
I hope you do not think, sir, as you mean.
Prithee, about it quickly; the hour chides me.
3.1.147.1Exit George.
Out of two evils, he始s accounted wise
3.1.153.1Enter George [with carpet].
Here, sir, here始s the carpet.
O, well done, George; we始ll cut it just i始th始 midst.
3.1.155.1[They cut one hole into the carpet for Candido始s neck, and two for his arms.]
始Tis very well; I thank thee. Help it on.
It must come over your head, sir, like a wench始s petticoat.
Thou始rt in the right, good George; it must indeed.
Indifferent well, sir, for a nightgown, being girt and pleated.
Ay, and a nightcap on my head.
That始s true, sir; I始ll run and fetch one, and a staff.
3.1.164.1Exit George.
For thus they cannot choose but conster it:
3.1.168.1Enter George [with nightcap and staff].
3.1.168.2[Candido puts on the nightcap and takes the staff.]
So, so, kind George. Be secret now; and, prithee,
3.1.171George
I laugh? Not I, sir.
1452Candido
Now to the Senate House.
3.1.173.1Exit.
Now looks my master just like one of our carpet-knights; 1456only he始s somewhat the honester of the two.
3.1.174.1Enter [Viola], Candido始s Wife, [with a key].
What, is your master gone?
Yes, forsooth, his back is but new turned.
And in his cloak? Did he not vex and swear?
[Aside] No, but he始ll make you swear anon.
Key, sink to hell! Still patient, patient still?
George
Against my master?
始Tis a mere jest, in faith. Say, wilt thou do始t?
Well, what is始t?
Here, take this key. Thou knowst where all things lie.
始Twill wrong my master始s patience.
Prithee, George.
3.1.194George
Well, if you始ll save me 1476harmless, and put me under covert barn, I am content to 1477please you, provided it may breed no wrong against him.
No wrong at all.
3.1.195.1[Giving him the key]
Here, take the key; begone.
3.1.196.1Exeunt.