Englishmen For My Money (Quarto 1, 1616)
Scene 2
Enter Haruie, Heigham,
235 and Walgraue.
Heigh. Come Gentlemen, w'are almo st at the house,
I promise you this walke ore Tower-hill,
Of all the places London can afforde,
Hath sweete st Ayre, and fitting our de sires.
240 Haru. Good reason, so it leades to Croched-Fryers
Where old Pisaro, and his Daughters dwell,
Looke to your feete, the broad way leades to Hell:
They say Hell standes below, downe in the deepe,
Ile downe that Hill, where such good Wenches keepe,
245But sirra Ned, what sayes Mathea to thee?
Wilt fadge? wilt fadge? What, will it be a match?
Walg. A match say you? a mischiefe twill as soone:
Sbould I can scarce begin to speake to her,
But I am interrupted by her father.
250Ha, what say you? and then put ore his snoute,
Able to shadow Powles, it is so great.
Well, tis no matter, sirrs, this is his House,
Knocke for the Churle bid him bring out his Daughter;
Ile, sbloud I will, though I be hanged for it,
255 Heigh. Hoyda, hoyda, nothing with you but vp & ride,
Youle be within, ere you can reach the Dore,
And haue the Wench, before you compa s s e her:
You are too ha stie; Pisaro is a man,
Not to be fedde with Words, but wonne with Gold.
260But who comes heere?
Enter Anthony.
Walg. Whom, Anthony our friend?
Say man, how fares out Loues? How doth Mathea?
Can she loue Ned? how doth she like my sute?
265Will old Pisaro take me for his Sonne;
For I thanke God, he kindly takes our Landes,
Swearing, Good Gentlemen you shall not want,
Whil st old Pisaro, and his credite holds:
He will be damn'd the Roage, before he do't?
270 Haru. Prethy talke milder: let but thee alone,
And thou in one bare hower will aske him more,
Then heele remember in a hundred years:
Come from him Anthony, and say what newes?
Antho. The newes for me is badd; and this it is:
275 Pisaro hath discharg'd me of his seruice.
Heigh. Discharg'd thee of his seruice, for what cause?
Anth. Nothing, but his his Daughters learne Philosophy.
Haru. Maydes should reade, that it teacheth mode stie.
Antho. I, but I left out mediocritie,
280And with effectual reasons, vrgd your loues.
Walg. The fault was small, we three will to thy Ma ster
And begge thy pardon.
Antho. Oh, that cannot be,
Hee hates you farre worser, then he hates me;
285For all the loue he shewes, is for your Lands,
Which he hopes sure will fall into his hands:
Yet Gentlemen, this comfort take of me,
His Daughters to your loues affected be:
Their father is abroad, they three at home,
290Goe chearely in, and cease that is your owne:
And for my selfe, but grace what I intend,
Ile ouerreach the Churle, and helpe my Frend.
Heigh. Build on our helps, and but deuise the meanes.
Antho. Pisaro did commaund Frisco his man,
295(A simple sotte, kept onely but for myrth)
To inquire about in London for a man,
That were a French-man and Mu sitian,
To be (as I suppose) his Daughters Tutor:
Him if you meete, as like enough you shall,
300He will inquire of you of his affayres,
Then make him this answere, you three came from Paules,
And in the middle walke, one you espide,
Fit for his purpose; then discribe this Cloake,
This Beard and Hatte: for in this borrowed shape,
305Mu st I beguile and ouer-reach the Foole:
The Maydes mu st be acquainted with this drift.
The Doore doth ope, I dare not stay reply,
Le st beeing discride: Gentlemen adue,
And helpe him now, that oft hath helped you. Exit.
310 Enter Frisco the Clowne.
Wal. How now sirra, whither are you going?
Fris . Whither am I going, how shall I tell you, when I
doe not know my selfe, nor vnder stand my selfe?
Heigh. What do st thou meane by that?
315 Frisc. Marry sir, I am seeking a Needle in a Bottle of
Hay, a Mon ster in the likene s s e of a Man: one that in stead
of good morrow, asketh what Porrage you haue to Din-
ner, Parley vous signiour? one that neuer wa shes his fingers,
but lickes them cleane with ki s s es; a clipper of the Kings
320Engli sh: and to conclude, an eternall enemie to all good
Language.
Haru. What's this? what's this?
Fris . Doe not you smell me? Well, I perceiue that witte
doth not always dwel in a Satten-dublet: why, tis a French -
325 man, Bassimon cue, how doe you?
Haru. I thanke you sir, but tell me what woulde st thou
doe with a French-man:
Fris . Nay fayth, I would doe nothing with him, vn-
le s s e I set him to teach Parrets to speake: marry the old
330A s s e my Mai ster, would haue him to teach his Daughters,
though I tru st the whole world sees, that there be such in
his house that can serue his Daughters turne, as well as the
proude st French-man: but if you be good laddes, tell me
where I may finde such a man?
335 Heigh. We will, goe hye thee straight to Paules,
There shalt thou find one fitting thy de sire;
Thou soone may st know him, for his Beard is blacke,
Such is his rayment, if thou runn' st appace,
Thou can st not mis s s e him Frisco.
340 Fris . Lord, lord, how shall poore Phrisco rewarde
your rich tydings Gentlemen: I am yours till Shrouetew-
esday, for then change I my Coppy, & looke like nothing
but Red-Herring Cobbes, and Stock-Fi sh; yet Ile doe
somewhat for you in the meane time: my Ma ster is a-
345broad, and my young Mi s s tre s s es at home: if you can doe
any good on them before the French-man come, why so?
Ah Gentlemen, doe not suffer a litter of Languages to
spring vp among st vs: I mu st to the Walke in Paules, you
to the Ve strie. Gentlemen, as to my selfe, and so foorth.
350 Exit Frisco,
Haru. Fooles tell the truth men say, and so may he:
Wenches we come now, Loue our conduct be.
Ned, knocke at the doore: but soft forbeare;
Enter Laurentia, Marina, and Mathea.
355The Cloude breakes vp, and our three Sunnes appeare.
To this I fly, shine bright my liues sole stay,
And make griefes night a gloryous summers day.
Mari. Gentlemen, how welcome you are here,
Gue s s e by our lookes, for other meanes by feare
360Preuented is: our fathers quicke returne
Forbidds the welcome, else we would haue done.
Walg. Mathea, How these faythfull thoughts obey,
Mat. No more sweet loue, I know what thou would' st (say:
You say you loue me, so I wi sh you still,
365Loue hath loues hier, being ballanc st with good will:
But say; come you to vs, or come you rather
To pawne more Lands for money to our father?
I know tis so, a Gods name spend at large:
What man? our mariage day will all discharge;
370Our father (by his leaue) mu st pardon vs,
Age saue of age, of nothing can discu s s e:
But in our loues, the prouerbe weele fulfill:
Women and Maydes, mu st alwayes haue their will.
Heigh. Say thou as much, and adde life to this Coarse,
375 Law. Your selfe & your good news doth more enforce:
How these haue set forth loue by all their witte,
I sweare in heart, I more then double it.
Si sters be glad, for he hath made it playne,
The meanes to get our School-mai ster againe:
380But Gentlemen, for this time cease our loues,
This open streete perhaps suspition moues,
Fayne we would stay, bid you walke in more rather,
But that we fear the comming of our father:
Goe to th'Exchange, craue Gold as you intend,
385 Pisaro scrapes for vs; for vs you spend:
We say farewell, more sadlier be bold,
Then would my greedy father to his Gold:
Wee here, you there, aske Gold; and Gold you shall:
Weele pay the intre st, and the principall. Exeunt Si sters.
390 Walg. That's my good Girles, and Ile pay you for all.
Haru. Come to th'Exchange, and when I feele decay,
Send me such Wenches, Heauens I still shall pray. Exeunt.

Englishmen For My Money (Quarto 1, 1616)