163Fust. How now porter, will she come?

164Porter If I may trust a woman sir, she will come.

165Fust. Theres for thy paines, godamercy, if ever I stand in

166neede of a wench that will come with a wet finger, Porter, thou

167shalt earne my mony before anie Clarissimo in Millane; yet so

168god sa mee shees mine owne sister body and soule, as I am a

169christian Gentleman; farewell, ile ponder till shee come: thou

170hast bin no bawde in fetching this woman, I assure thee.

171Porter No matter if I had sir, better men than Porters are

172bawdes.

173Fust. O God sir, manie that have borne offices. But Por-

174ter, art sure thou wentst into a true house?

175Porter I thinke so, for I met with no thieves.

176Fust. Nay but arte sure it was my sister Viola.

177Porter I am sure by all superscriptions it was the partie you (ciphered.

178Fust. Not very tall.

179Porter Nor very lowe, a midling woman.

180Fust. Twas she faith, twas she, a prettie plumpe cheeke like (mine.

181Porter At a blush, a little very much like you.

182Fust. Gods so, I would not for a duckat she had kickt vp hir

183heeles, for I ha spent an abomination this voyage, marie I

184did it amongst sailers and gentlemen: theres a little modicum

185more porter for making thee stay, farewell honest porter.

186Porter I am in your debt sir, God preserve you. Exit.

188Fu. Not so neither, good porter, gods lid, yonder she coms.

189Sister Viola, I am glad to see you stirring: its newes to have mee

190heere, ist not sister?

191Viola Yes trust me: I wondred who should be so bolde to

192send for me, you are welcome to Millan brother.

193Fust. Troth sister I heard you were married to a verie rich

194chuffe, and I was very sorie for it, that I had no better clothes,

195and that made me send: for you knowe wee Millaners love to

196strut vpon Spanish leather. And how does all our friends?

197Viola Very well; you ha travelled enough now, I trowe, to

198sowe your wilde oates.

199Fust. A pox on em; wilde oates, I ha not an oate to throw

200at a horse, troth sister I ha sowde my oates, and reapt 200.

201duckats if I had em, heere, mary I must intreate you to lend me

202some thirty or forty till the ship come, by this hand ile discharge

203at my day, by this hand.

204Viola These are your olde oaths.

205Fust. Why sister, doe you thinke ile forsweare my hand?

206Viola Well, well, you shall have them: put your selfe into

207better fashion, because I must imploy you in a serious matter.

208Fust. Ile sweare like a horse if I like the matter.

209Uiola You ha cast off all your olde swaggering humours.

210Fust. I had not sailde a league in that great fish-pond (the

211sea) but I cast vp my very gall.

212Viola I am the more sory, for I must imploy a true swagge-

213rer.

214Fust. Nay by this yron sister, they shall finde I am powlder

215and touch-box, if they put fire once into me.

216Uiola Then lend me your eares.

217Fust. Mine eares are yours deere sister.

218Uiola I am married to a man that haz wealth enough, and

219wit enough.

220Fust. A linnen Draper I was tolde sister.

221Viola Very true, a grave Cittizen; I want nothing that a

222wife can wish from a husband: but heeres the spite, hee haz

223not all things belonging to a man.

224Fust: Gods my life, hees a very mandrake, or else (God blesse

225vs,) one a these whiblins, and thats woorse, and then all the chil-

226dren that he gets lawfully of your body sister, are bastards by

227a statute.

228Vio. O you runne over me too fast brother; I have heard it

229often said, that he who cannot be angry, is no man. I am sure

230my husband is a man in print, for all things else, save onely in

231this, no tempest can move him.

232Fust. Slid, would he had beene at sea with vs, hee should ha

233beene movde and movde agen, for Ile be sworne la, our drun-

234ken ship reelde like a Dutchman.

235Viola No losse of goods can increase in him a wrinckle, no

236crabbed language make his countenance sowre, the stubburn-

237nes of no servant shake him, he haz no more gall in him than a

238Dove, no more sting than an Ant: Musitian will he never bee,

239(yet I finde much musicke in him,) but he loves no frets, and is

240so free from anger, that many times I am readie to bite off my

241tongue, because it wants that vertue which all womens tongues

242have (to anger their hu bands:) Brother, mine can by no thun-

243der turne him into a sharpenes.

244Fust. Belike his blood sister, is well brewd then.

245Uiola I protest to thee Fustigo, I love him most affecti-

246onately, but I know not ---- I ha such a tickling with-

247in mee ---- such a strange longing; nay, verily I doo

248long.

249Fustigo Then y'are with childe sister; by all signes and

250tokens; nay, I am partly a Phisitian, and partly something

251else. I ha read Albertus Magnus, and Aristotles em-

252blemes.

253Uiola Y'are wide ath bow hand still brother: my longings

254are not wanton, but wayward: I long to have my patient hus-

255band eate vp a whole Porcupine, to the intent, the bristling

256quills may sticke about his lips like a flemish mustacho, and be

257shot at mee: I shall be leaner than the new Moone, vnlesse I

258can make him horne mad.

259Fust: Sfoote halfe a quarter of an houre does that: make him

260a cuckold.

261Wife: Puh, he would count such a cut no vnkindenes.

262Fust. The honester Cittizen he; then make him drunke and

263cut off his beard.

264Wife Fie, fie, idle, idle, hee's no French-man to fret at the

265losse of a little scalde haire. No brother, thus it shall be, you must

266be secret.

267Fu: As your Mid-wife I protest sister, or a Barber-surgeon.

268Wife Repaire to the Tortoys heere in S. Christophers streete,

269I will send you mony; turne your selfe into a brave man: insteed

270of the armes of your mistris, let your sword and your militarie

271scarfe hang about your necke.

272Fust. I must have a great Horse-mans French feather too

273sister.

274Wife O, by any meanes to shew your light head, else your

275hat will sit like a coxcombe: to be briefe, you must bee in all

276points a most terrible wide-mouth'd swaggerer:

277Fust: Nay, for swaggering points let me alone.

278Wife Resort then to our shop, & (in my husbands presence)

279kisse me, snatch rings, jewells, or any thing, so you give it backe

280agen brother in secret.

281Fust: By this hand sister.

282Wife Sweare as if you came but new from knight-

283ing.

284Fust. Nay, ile sweare after 400. a yeare.

285Wife Swagger worse then a Lievetenant among fresh water

286souldiers, call me your love, your yngle, your coosen, or so; but

287sister at no hand.

288Fust: No, no, it shall be coosen, or rather cuz, thats the gul-

289ling word betweene the Cittizens wives & their mad-caps,

290that man em to the garden; to call you one a my naunts sister,

291were as good as call you arrant whoore: no, no, let me alone to

292cosen you rarely.

293Wife H'az heard I have a brother, but never saw him, there-

294fore put on a good face.

295Fust: The best in Millan I warrant.

296Wife Take vp wares, but pay nothing, rifle my bosome, my

297pocket, my purse, the boxes for mony to dice with all; but bro-

298ther, you must give all backe agen in secret.

299Fustigo By this welkin that heere roares I will, or else

300let mee never know what a secret is: why sister do you thinke

301Ile cunni-catch you, when you are my coosen, Gods my life,

302then I were a starke Asse; if I fret not his guts, beg me for a

303foole.

304Wife Be circumspect, and do so then, farewell.

305Fust: The Tortoys sister! Ile stay there; fortie duckats. Exit.

306Wife Thither Ile send: this law can none deny,

307Women must have their longings, or they die. Exit.