0.65Kemp's Nine Days' Wonder
0.66Performed in a morris from London 0.67to Norwich. Wherein every day's journey 0.68is pleasantly set down, to satisfy his friends the truth 0.69against all lying Ballad-makers, what he did, how he was 0.70welcome, and by whom entertained.
1The first day's journey, being the first Monday 2in clean Lent, from the right honorable the 3Lord Mayor's of London.
34The first Monday in Lent, the 5close morning promising a clear 6day -- attended on by Thomas 7Sly my taborer, William Bee 8my servant, and George Sprat, 9appointed for my overseer (that 10I should take no other ease but 11my prescribed order) -- myself, 12that's I, otherwise called Cavaliero Kemp, headmaster 13of morris dancers, high headborough
Sion near Brainford, and mount Surrey by Norwich.
14of hays, and only tricker of your tril-lills, and 15best bell-shangles between Sion and mount Surrey, 16began frolickly to foot it from the right honorable 17the Lord Mayor's of London towards the 18right worshipful (and truly bountiful) Master 19Mayor's of Norwich. 420My setting forward was somewhat before seven 21in the morning. My taborer struck up merrily, 22and as fast as kind people's thronging together 23would give me leave, through London I leapt. 24By the way, many good old people and diverse others 25of younger years, of mere kindness, gave me 26bowed sixpences and groats, blessing me with their 27hearty prayers and God-speeds.
528Being past Whitechapel, and having left fair 29London, with all that northeast Suburb before 30named, multitudes of Londoners left not me, but -- 31either to keep a custom which many hold, that 32Mile End is no walk without a recreation at Stratford 33Bow with cream and cakes, or else for love 34they bare toward me, or perhaps to make themselves 35merry if I should chance (as many thought) 36to give over my morris within a mile of Mile End -- 37however, many a thousand brought me to Bow, 38where I rested a while from dancing, but had small 39rest with those that would have urged me to drinking. 40But I warrant you, Will Kemp was wise 41enough. To their full cups, kind thanks was my return, 42with gentlemanlike protestations, as "Truly 43sir, I dare not. It stands not with the congruity of 44my health." "Congruity," said I? How came that 45strange language in my mouth? I think scarcely 46that it is any Christian word, and yet it may be a 47good word for aught I know, though I never 48made it nor do very well understand it. Yet I am 49sure I have bought it at the wordmongers, at as 50dear a rate as I could have had a whole hundred of 51bavines at the woodmongers. Farewell, "congruity," 52for I mean now to be more concise and stand 53upon evener bases. But I must neither stand nor sit; 54the taborer strikes alarum. Tickle it, good Tom; I'll 55follow thee. Farewell Bow! Have over the bridge, 56where I heard say holiest Conscience was once 57drowned. It's pity if it were so, but that's no matter 58belonging to our morris. Let's now along to 59Stratford Langthorne.
660Many good fellows, being there met and know 61ing how well I loved the sport, had prepared a 62bear-baiting, but so unreasonable were the multitudes 63of people that I could only hear the bear 64roar and the dogs howl; therefore forward I 65went with my hay-de-gays Ilford, where I a 66gain rested, and was by the people of the town 67and country thereabout very very well welcomed, 68being offered carouses in the great spoon, one whole
A great spoon in Ilford holding above a quart.
69draught being able at that time to have drawn my 70little wit dry. But being afraid of the old proverb 71"he had need of a long spoon that eats with 72the devil," I soberly gave my boon companions 73the slip. 774From Ilford by moonshine I set forward, 75dancing within a quarter of a mile of Romford, 76where in the highway two strong jades -- having 77belike some great quarrel to me unknown -- were 78beating and biting either of other. And such, through 79God's help, was the good hap that I escaped their 80hoofs, both being raised with their forefeet 81over my head like two smiths over an anvil.
882There being the end of my first day's morris, 83a kind gentleman of London, lighting from his 84horse, would have no nay but I should leap into his 85saddle. To be plain with ye, I was not proud, but 86kindly took his kindlier offer, chiefly thereto urged 87by my weariness. So I rid to my inn at Romford.