1 Actus primus, Scaena prima.
Enter at one doore Beraldo, Carolo, Fontinell, A stolfo, with
Seruingmen, or Pages attending on them; at another
doore enter Lodouico, meeting them.
5 Lodouico. GOod day, Gallants.
Omnes. Good morrow, sweet
Lodo. How doe st thou Carolo.
Carolo. Faith, as Phy sicions doe
10in a Plague, see the World sicke,
and am well my selfe.
Fontinell. Here's a sweet morning, Gentlemen.
Lod. Oh, a morning to tempt Ioue frō his Ningle Ganimed,
which is but to giue Dary Wenches greene gownes as
15they are going a milking; what, is thy Lord stirring yet?
A stolfo. Yes, he will not be hor st this houre, sure.
Bercaldo. My Lady sweares he shall, for she longs to bee
at Court.
Carolo. Oh, wee shall ride switch and spurre, would we
20were there once.
Enter Bryan the Footeman.
Lod. How now, is thy Lord ready?
Bryan. No so crees sa mee, my Lady will haue some little
Tyng in her pelly fir st.
25 Caro. Oh, then they'le to breakefa st.
Lod. Footman, does my Lord ride y'th Coach with my
Lady, or on horsebacke?
Bry. No foot la, my Lady will haue me Lord sheet wid
her, my Lord will sheet in de one side, and my Lady sheet
30in de toder side. Exeunt.
Lod. My Lady sheet in de toder side: did you euer here a
Rascall talke so like a Pagan? Is't not strange that a fellow
of his starre, should bee seene here so long in Italy, yet
speake so from a Chri stian?
35 Enter Anthonio, Georgio, a poore Scholler.
A stol. An Iri shman in Italy! that so strange! why, the na-
tion haue running heads. Exchange Walke.
Lod. Nay Carolo, this is more strange, I ha bin in France,
theres few of them: Mary, England they count a warme
40chimny corner, and there they swarme like Crickets to the
creuice of a Brew-house; but Sir, in England I haue noted
one thing.
Omnes. What's that, what's that of England?
Lod. Mary this Sir, what's he yonder?
45 Bert. A poore fellow would speake with my Lord.
Lod. In England, Sir, troth I euer laugh when I thinke
on't: to see a whole Nation should be mark't i'th forehead,
as a man may say, with one Iron: why Sir, there all Co ster-
mongers are Iri shmen.
50 Caro. Oh, that's to show their Antiquity, as comming
from Eue, who was an Apple-wife, and they take after the
Omnes. Good, good, ha, ha.
Lod. Why then, should all your Chimny-sweepers like-
55wise be Iri shmen? answer that now, come, your wit.
Caro. Faith, that's soone answered, for S. Patricke you
know keepes Purgatory, hee makes the fire, and his
Country-men could doe nothing, if they cannot sweepe the
60 Omnes. Good agen.
Lod. Then, Sir, haue you many of them (like this fellow)
(especially those of his haire) Footmen to Noblemen and o-
thers, and the Knaues are very faithfull where they loue, by
my faith very proper men many of them, and as actiue as
65the cloudes, whirre, hah.
Omnes. Are they so?
Lod. And stout! exceeding stout; Why, I warrant, this
precious wild Villaine, if hee were put to't, would fight
more desperately then sixteene Dunkerkes.
70 A sto. The women they say are very faire.
Lod. No, no, our Country Bona Robaes, oh! are the su-
gre st delicious Rogues.
A sto. Oh, looke, he has a feeling of them.
Lod. Not I, I prote st, there's a saying when they com-
75mend Nations: It goes, the Iri shman for his hand, Wel sh -
man for a leg, the Engli shman for a face, the Dutchman for
Fron. I faith, they may make swabbers of them.
Lod. The Spaniard, let me see, for a little foot (I take it) the
80Frenchman, what a pox hath he? and so of the re st.
Are they at breakfa st yet? come walke.
A st . This Lodouico, is a notable tounged fellow.
Fron. Discourses well.
Berc. And a very hone st Gentleman.
85 A sto. Oh! hee's well valued by my Lord.
Enter Bellafront with a Petition.
Fron. How now, how now, what's she?
Bert. Let's make towards her.
Bella. Will it be long, sir, ere my Lord come forth?
90 A st . Would you speake with my Lord?
Lod. How now, what's this, a Nurses Bill? hath any here
got thee with child, and now will not keepe it?
Bolla. No sir, my bu sine s s e is vnto my Lord.
Lod. Hee's about his owne wife now, hee'le hardly dis-
95patch two causes in a morning.
A sto. No matter what he saies, faire Lady, hee's a Knight,
there's no hold to be taken at his words.
Fro. My Lord will pa s s e this way presently.
Bert. A pretty plumpe Rogue.
100 A st . A good lu sty bouncing baggage.
Bert. Doe you know her?
Lod. A pox on her, I was sure her name was in my Table-
booke once, I know not of what cut her dye is now, but she
has beene more common then Tobacco: this is she that had
105the name of the Hone st Whore.
Omnes. Is this she?
Lod. This is the Blackamore that by wa shing was turned
white: this is the Birding Peece new scowred: this is shee
that (if any of her religion can be saued) was saued by my
110Lord Hipolito.
A sto. She has beene a goodly creature.
Lod. She has bin! that's the Epitaph of all Whores, I'm
well acquainted with the poore Gentleman her Husband,
Lord! what fortunes that man has ouerreached? She knowes
115not me, yet I haue beene in her company, I scarce know her,
for the beauty of her cheeke hath (like the Moone) suffred
strange Eclipses since I beheld it: but women are like Med-
lars (no sooner ripe but rotten.)
A woman la st was made, but is spent fir st,
120Yet man is oft proued, in performance wor st.
Omnes. My Lord is come.
Enter Hypolito, Infaeliche, and two waiting women.
Hip. We ha wa sted halfe this morning: morrow Lodouico.
Lod. Morrow Madam.
125 Hip. Let's away to Horse.
Omnes. I, I to Horse, to Horse.
Bela. I doe beseech your Lord ship, let your eye read
o're this wretched Paper.
Hip. I'm in ha st, pray the good womā take some apter time.
130 Infae . Good Woman doe.
Bel. Oh las! it does concerne a poore mans life.
Hip. Life! sweet heart? Seat your selfe, Il'e but read this
and come.
Lod. What stockings haue you put on this morning, Ma-
135dam? if they be not yellow, change them; that paper is a
Letter from some Wench to your Husband.
Infae Oh sir, that cannot make me iealous. Exeunt.