425425Cast: Signior Pioratto, signior Fluello, shalls be merry? shalls

426426play the wags now?

427427Flu: I, any thing that may beget the childe of laughter.

428428Cast: Truth I have a pretty sportive conceit new crept into

429429my braine, will moove excellent mirth.

430430Pio: Lets ha't, lets ha't, and where shall the sceane of mirth (lie?

431431Cast. At signior Candidoes house, the patient man, nay the

432432monstrous patient man; they say his bloud is immoveable, that

433433he haz taken all patience from a man, and all constancie from

434434a woman.

435435Flu. That makes so many whoores nowadayes.

436436Cast. I, and so many knaves too.

437437Pio. Well sir.

438438Cast. To conclude, the reporte goes, hees so milde, so affa-

439439ble, so suffering, that nothing indeede can moove him: now do

440440but thinke what sport it will be to make this fellow (the mirror

441441of patience) as angry, as vext, and as madde as an English cuc-

442442kolde.

443443Flu. O, twere admirable mirth, that: but how wilt be done

444444signior?

445445Cast. Let me alone, I have a tricke, a conceit, a thing, a de-

446446vice will sting him yfaith, if he have but a thimblefull of blood

447447ins belly, or a spleene not so bigge as a taverne token.

448448Pio. Thou stirre him? thou moove him? thou anger him?

449449alas, I know his approoved temper: thou vex him? why hee

450450haz a patieuce above mans iniuries: thou maiest sooner raise a

451451spleene in an Angell, than rough humour in him: why ile give

452452you instance for it. This wonderfully temperd signior Candido

453453vppon a time invited home to his house certaine Neapolitane

454454lordes of curious taste, and no meane pallats, conjuring his wife

455455of all loves, to prepare cheere fitting for such honourable tren-

456456cher-men. Shee (just of a womans nature, covetous to trie the

457457vttermost of vexation, and thinking at last to gette the starte of

458458his humour) willingly neglected the preparation, and became

459459vnfurnisht, not onely of dainty, but of ordinary dishes. He (ac-

460460cording to the mildenesse of his breast) entertained the lordes,

461461and with courtly discourse beguiled the time (as much as a Cit-

462462tizen might doe:) to conclude, they were hungry lordes, for

463463there came no meate in; their stomackes were plainely gulld,

464464and their teeth deluded, and (if anger could have seizd a man)

465465there was matter enough yfaith to vex any citizen in the 466world,

466if hee were not too much made a foole by his wife.

467467Flu. I, Ile sweare for't: sfoote, had it beene my case, I should

468468ha playde mad trickes with my wife and family: first I woulde

469469ha spitted the men, stewd the maides, and bak't the mistresse,

470470and so served them in.

471471Pio. Why twould ha tempred any bloud but his,

472472And thou to vex him? thou to anger him

473473With some poore shallow jeast?

474474Cast. Sbloud signior Pioratto, (you that disparage my con-

475475ceit) ile wage a hundred duckats vppon the head on't, that it

476476mooves him, fretts him, and galles him.

477477Pio. Done, tis a lay, ioyne golls on't: witnes signior Fluello.

478478Cast. Witnes: tis done:

479479Come, follow mee: the house is not farre off,

480480Ile thrust him from his humour, vex his breast,

481481And winne a hundred duckats by one ieast. Exeunt.