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  • Title: An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)
  • Editor: Eleanor Lowe
  • Coordinating editor: Brett Greatley-Hirsch
  • General textual editor: Helen Ostovich

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-513-1

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: George Chapman
    Editor: Eleanor Lowe
    Peer Reviewed

    An Humorous Day's Mirth (Quarto 1, 1599)

    640Enter the puritane in her best attyre.
    Flo. Now am I vp and ready, ready? why? because my
    cloathes once on, that call we ready: but readinesse I hope
    hath reference to some fit action for our seuerall state: for
    when I am attyred thus Countesse-like, tis not to worke,
    645for that befittes me not, tis on some pleasure, whose chiefe
    obiect is one mans content, and hee my husbande is, but
    what need I thus be attyred, for that he would be pleased
    with meaner weed? besides I take no pleasure thus to please
    him: I am content, because it is my duty to keep to him, and
    650not to seeke no further: but if that pleasure be a thing that
    makes the time seeme short, if it do laughter cause, if it pro-
    cure the tongue but hartily to say, I thanke you, I haue no
    such thing, nor can the godliest woman in the worlde, a-
    gainst her nature please her sense, or soule, she may say, this
    655I will, or this I will not. But what shall she reape hereby?
    comfort in an other world, if she will stay till then.
    Enter her husband behind her.
    Lab. Yea mary sir now I must looke about, now if her
    desolate proouer come againe, shal I admit him to make
    660farther triall? Ile haue a Dialogue betweene my selfe and
    manly reason: to that speciall end reason, shall I indure a de-
    solate man to come and court my wife, and proue her con-
    stancie: reason, to court and proue her you may beare my
    lord, for perfite things are not the worse for triall; gold will
    665not turne to drosse for deepest triall: before God a comfor-
    table saying: thanks gentle reason, Ile trouble you no more.
    C 3 God
    An humerous
    God saue sweet wife, looke vp, thy tempter comes.
    Flo. Let him my lord, I hope I am more blest then to
    670relent in thought of lewde suggestion.
    Lab. But if by frailtie you should yeeld in thought, what
    will you do?
    Flo. Then shall you keepe me close, and neuer let me see
    man but your selfe, if not, then boldly may I go abroade.
    675Lab. But how, shall I know whether you yeeld, or no?
    Flo. Heare vs your selfe, my lord.
    Lab. Tut, that were grosse, for no woman will yeeld in
    her husbands hearing.
    Flo. Then to assure you if I yeelde or no, marke but
    680these signes: as hee is proouing me, if I doe yeelde, you
    shall perceyue my face blush and looke pale, and put on
    heauie lookes. If I resist I will triumph, and smile, and
    when I hold but vp my finger, stop his vaine lips, or thrust
    him on the breast, then is he ouerthrowne both horse and
    685foote.
    Lab. Why, this doth satisfie me mightily: see hee is
    come.
    Lem. Honor to my good lord, and his faire yong ladie.
    Lab. Nowe Monsieur Sathan, you are come to
    690tempt and prooue at full the spirit of my wife.
    Lem. I am my lord, but vainly I suppose.
    Lab. You see she dares put on this braue attire fit with
    the fashion, which you think serues much to lead a woman
    into light desires.
    695Lem. My lord I see it: and the sight thereof doth halfe
    dismay me to make further proofe.
    Lab. Nay prooue her, proue her sir, and spare not:
    what doth the wittie minion of our King thinke any dame
    in France will say him nay? but proue her, proue her, see
    700and spare not.
    Lem. Well sir, though halfe discouraged in my com-
    ming, yet Ile go forward: ladie, by your leaue.
    Flo. Nowe sir, your cunning in a Ladyes proofe.
    Lem.
    dayes mirth.
    705Lem. Madam, in prouing you I find no proofe against
    your piercing glauncings, but swear I am shot thorow with
    your loue.
    Flo. I do beleeue you: who will sweare he loues, to get
    the thing he loues not? if he loue, what needs more perfite
    710triall?
    Lem. Most true rare ladie.
    Flo. Then are we fitly met, I loue you too.
    Lem. Exceeding excellent.
    Flo. Nay, I knowe you will applaude mee in this
    715course, but to let common circumstaunces passe, let vs be
    familiar.
    Lem. Deare life, you rauish my conceit with ioy.
    Lab. I long to see the signes that she will make.
    Flo. I told my husband I would make these signes: if I
    720resisted, first hold vp my finger, as if I said, yfaith sir you
    are gone, but it shall say, yfayth sir, we are one.
    Lab. Nowe shee triumphes, and pointes to heauen I
    warrant you.
    Flo. Then must I seeme as if I woulde heare no moret
    725and stoppe your vaine lips, go cruell lippes, you haue be-
    witcht me, go.
    Lab. Now she stops in his scorned wordes, and rates
    him for his paines.
    Flo. And when I thrust you thus against the breast, then
    730are you ouerthrowne both horse and foote.
    Lab. Now is he ouerthrowne both horse and foote.
    Flo. Away vaine man, haue I not answered you?
    Lem. Madam, I yeeld and sweare, I neuer saw so con-
    stant, nor so vertuous a ladie.
    735Lab. Now speake I pray, and speake but truly, haue
    you not got a wrong sow by the eare?
    Lem. My lord, my labor is not altogether lost, for now
    I find that which I neuer thought.
    Lab. A sirrah, is the edge of your steele wit rebated then
    740against her Adamant?
    Lem.
    An humorous
    Lem. It is my Lord, yet one word more faire ladie.
    Lab. Faine would he haue it do, and it will not be: harke
    you wife, what signe will you make mee nowe if you re-
    lent not?
    745Flo. Lend him my handkercher to wipe his lips of their
    last disgrace.
    Lab. Excellent good, go forward, see I pray.
    Flo. An other signe yfaith, loue is required.
    Lem. Let him haue signes inowe, my heauenly loue,
    750then knowe there is a priuate meeting this day at Verones
    ordinarie, where if you will do me the grace to come, and
    bring the beauteous Martia with you, I wil prouide a faire
    and priuate roome, where you shal be vnseene of any man,
    onely of me, and of the King himselfe, whom I will cause
    755to honour your repaire with his high presence, and there
    with Musicke and quicke reuellings you may reuiue your
    spirits so long time dulled.
    Flo. Ile send for Martia then, and meete you there, and
    tell my husband, I wil locke my selfe in my choise walke
    760till supper-time: we pray sir, wipe your lips of the disgrace
    they tooke in their last labour.
    Lem. Mary the diuell was neuer so dispited.
    Lab. Nay stay, see.
    Lem. No, no, my L, you haue the constantst wife that
    765euer: wel, Ile say no more.Exit.
    Lab. Neuer was minion so disminioned, come con-
    stancie, come my girle, Ile leaue thee loose to twentie of
    them yfaith.
    Then he
    sighes.
    Flo. Come my good head, come.Exit.
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