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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)

    Enter Duke, Carolo, A stolfo, Beraldo, Fontinell, three
    or foure Ma sters of Bridewell: Infaelice.
    2430 Duke. Your Bridewell? that the name? for beauty, strength,
    Capacity and forme of ancient building,
    (Be sides the Riuers neighbourhood) few houses
    Wherein we keepe our Court can better it.
    1. Ma ster. Hither from forraigne Courts haue Princes come,
    2435And with our Duke did Acts of State Commence,
    Here that great Cardinall had fir st audience,
    (The graue Campayne,) that Duke dead, his Sonne
    (That famous Prince) gaue free po s s e s sion
    Of this his Palace, to the Cittizens,
    2440To be the poore mans ware-house: and endowed it
    With Lands to'th valew of seuen hundred marke,
    With all the bedding and the furniture, once proper
    (As the Lands then were) to an Hospitall
    Belonging to a Duke of Sauoy. Thus
    2445Fortune can to s s e the World, a Princes Court
    Is thus a prison now.
    Duke. 'Tis Fortunes sport:
    These changes common are: the Wheele of Fate
    Turnes Kingdomes vp, till they fall desolate.
    2450But how are these seuen hundred Markes by'th yeere
    Imployde in this your Worke-house?
    1. Ma ster. Warre and Peace
    Feed both vpon those Lands: when the Iron doores
    Of warres bur st open, from this House are sent
    2455Men furni sht in all Martiall Complement.
    The Moone hath thorow her Bow scarce drawn to'th head,
    (Like to twelue siluer Arrowes) all the Moneths,
    Since 1600. Soldiers went aboord:
    Here Prouidence and Charity play such parts,
    2460The House is like a very Schoole of Arts,
    For when our Soldiers (like Ships driuen from Sea,
    With ribs all broken, and with tatterd sides,)
    Ca st anchor here agen, their ragged backes
    How often doe we couer? that (like men)
    2465They may be sent to their owne Homes agen.
    All here are but one swarme of Bees, and striue
    To bring with wearied thighs honey to the Hiue.
    The sturdy Begger, and the lazy Lowne,
    Gets here hard hands, or lac'd Correction.
    2470The Vagabond growes stay'd, and learnes to 'bey,
    The Drone is beaten well, and sent away
    As other prisons are, (some for the Thiefe,
    Some, by which vndone Credit gets reliefe
    From bridled Debtors; others for the poore)
    2475So this is for the Bawd, the Rogue, and Whore.
    Car. An excellent Teeme of Horse.
    1. Ma ster. Nor is it seene,
    That the whip drawes blood here, to coole the Spleene
    2480Of any rugged Bencher: nor does offence
    Feele smart, or spitefull, or ra sh euidence:
    But pregnant te stimony forth mu st stand,
    Ere Iu stice leaue them in the Beadles hand,
    As Iron, on the Anuill are they laid,
    2485Not to take blowes alone, but to be made
    And fa shioned to some Charitable vse.
    Duke. Thus wholsom' st Lawes spring from the wor st
    abuse.
    Enter Orlando before Bellafront.
    2490 Bel. Let mercy touch your heart- strings (gracious Lord)
    That it may sound like mu sike in the eare
    Of a man desperate, (being i'th hands of Law.)
    Duke. His name?
    Bel. Matheo.
    2495 Duke. For a robbery? where is she? } Exit Bel. & one of the
    Bel. In this House. } Ma sters of Bridewell.
    Duke. Fetch you him hither---
    Is this the Party?
    Orl. This is the Hen, my Lord, that the Cocke (with the
    2500Lordly combe) your Sonne-in-law would crow ouer, and
    tread.
    Duke. Are your two Seruants ready?
    Orl. My two Pedlers are pack'd together, my good Lord.
    Duke. 'Tis well: this day in Iudgement shall be spent,
    2505Vice (like a wound launc'd) mends by puni shment.
    Infae . Let me be gone, my Lord, or stand vnseene;
    'Tis rare when a Iudge strikes, and that none dye,
    And 'tis vnfit then, women should be by.
    1. Ma ster. Wee'll place you, Lady, in some priuat roome.
    2510 Infae . Pray doe so. Exit.
    Orl. Thus nice Dames sweare, it is vnfit their eyes
    Sould view men caru'd vp for Anatomies,
    Yet they'll see all, so they may stand vnseene,
    Many women sure will sinne behind a Skreene.
    2515 Enter Lodouico.
    Lod. Your Sonne (the Lord Hipollito) is entred.
    Duke. Tell him we wi sh his presence. A word Storsa:
    On what wings flew he hither?
    Lod. These, I told him-- his Larke whom he loued, was
    2520a Bridewell Bird, he's mad that this Cage should hold her,
    and is come to let her out.
    Duke. 'Tis excellent: away, goe call him hither. Exit. Lod.
    Enter one of the Gouernours of the House, Bellafront after him
    with Matheo, after him the Con stable. Enter at another
    2525 doore, Lodouico and Hipollito: Orlando steps
    forth and brings in two Pedlers.
    Duke. You are to vs a stranger (worthy Lord)
    'Tis strange to see you here.
    Hip. It is mo st fit,
    2530That where the Sunne goes, Attomyes follow it.
    Duke. Attomyes neither shape, nor honour beare:
    Be you yourselfe, a Sunne-beame to shine cleare.
    Is this the Gentleman? Stand forth & heare your accusation.
    Mat. Ile heare none: I flie hie in that: rather then Kites
    2535 shall seize vpon me, and picke out mine eyes to my face, Ile
    strike my tallons thorow mine owne heart fir st, and spit my
    blood in theirs: I am here for shriuing those two fooles of
    their sinfull packe: when those Iack-dawes haue cawde o-
    uer me, then mu st I cry guilty, or not guilty; the Law has
    2540worke enough already, and therefore Ile put no worke of
    mine into his hands, the Hangman shall ha't fir st, I did pluck
    those Ganders, did rob them.
    Duke. 'Tis well done to confe s s e.
    Mat. Confe s s e and be hanged, and then I flie hie, is't not
    2545 so? that for that a gallowes is the wor st rub that a good
    Bowler can meet with: I stumbled again st such a po st, else
    this night I had plaid the part of a true Sonne in these daies,
    vndone my Father-in-law, with him wud I ha run at leape-
    frogge, and come ouer his gold, tho I had broke his necke
    2550for't: but the poore Salmon Trout is now in the Net.
    Hip. And now the Law mu st teach you to flie hie.
    Mat. Right, my Lord, and then may you flie low; no more
    words, a Mouse, Mum, you are stop'd.
    Bel. Be good to my poore husband, deare my Lords.
    2555 Mat. A s s e, why should st thou pray them to be good to
    me, when no man here is good to one another?
    Duke. Did any hand worke in this theft but yours?
    Mat. O, yes, my Lord, yes:-- the Hangman has neuer
    one Sonne at a birth, his Children alwaies come by couples:
    2560Tho I cannot giue the old dog, my Father, a bone to gnaw,
    the Daughter shall bee sure of a Choke-peare. --Yes, my
    Lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine Pedlers, and
    that was my wife.
    Bel. Alas, I?
    2565 Orl. O euerla sting, supernaturall superlatiue Villaine!
    Omnes. Your wife, Matheo?
    Hip. Sure it cannot be.
    Mat. Oh, Sir, you loue no quarters of Mutton that hang
    vp, you loue none but whole Mutton; she set the robbery, I
    2570perform'd it; she spur'd me on, I gallop'd away.
    Orl. My Lords.
    Bel. My Lords, (fellow giue me speach) if my poore life
    may ransome thine, I yeeld it to the Law,
    Thou hurt' st thy soule (yet wipe st off no offence)
    2575By ca sting blots vpon my Innocence:
    Let not these spare me, but tell truth: no, see
    Who slips his necke out of the misery,
    Tho not out of the mischiefe: let thy Seruant
    That shared in this base Act, accuse me here,
    2580Why should my Husband peri sh, he goe cleare?
    Orl. A god Child, hang thine owne Father.
    Duke. Old fellow, was thy hand in too?
    Orl. My hand was in the Pye, my Lord, I confe s s e it: my
    Mi stris I see, will bring me to the Gallowes, and so leaue me;
    2585but Ile not leaue her so: I had rather hang in a womans com-
    pany, then in a mans; because if we should go to hell together,
    I should scarce be letten in, for all the Deuils are afraid to
    haue any women come among st them, as I am true Thiefe,
    she neither consented to this fellony, nor knew of it.
    2590 Duke. What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife?
    Mat. It's my humor, Sir, 'tis a fooli sh Bag-pipe that I
    make my selfe merry with: why should I eate hempe-seed
    at the Hangmans thirteene-pence halfe-penny Ordinary,
    and haue this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter?
    2595 Duke. Is she a Whore?
    Mat. A sixe-penny Mutton Pa sty, for any to cut vp.
    Orl. Ah, Toad, Toad, Toad.
    Mat. A Barbers Citterne for euery Seruingman to play
    vpon, that Lord, your Sonne, knowes it.
    2600 Hip. I, sir, am I her Bawd then?
    Mat. No, sir, but she's your Whore then,
    Orl. Yea Spider, doe st catch at great Flies?
    Hip. My Whore?
    Mat. I cannot talke, sir, and tell of your Rems, and your
    2605rees, and your whirligigs, and deuices: but, my Lord, I
    found em like Sparrowes in one ne st, billing together, and
    bulling of me, I tooke em in bed, was ready to kill him was
    vp to stab her---
    Hip. Cloze thy ranke Iawes: pardon me, I am vexed,
    2610Thou art a Villaine, a malicious Deuill,
    Deepe as the place where thou art lo st, thou lye st,
    Since I am thus far got into this storme,
    Ile thorow, and thou shalt see Ile thorow vntoucht.
    When thou shalt peri sh in it.
    2615 Enter Infaelice.
    Infae . 'Tis my cue
    To enter now: roome, let my Prize be plaid,
    I ha lurk'd in Cloudes, yet heard what all haue said,
    What Iury more can proue, she has wrong'd my bed,
    2620Then her owne husband, she mu st be puni shed;
    I challenge Law, my Lord, Letters, and Gold, and Iewels
    From my Lord that woman tooke.
    Hip. Again st that blacke-mouthed Deuill, again st Letters,
    and Gold,
    2625And again st a iealous Wife I doe vphold,
    Thus farre her reputation, I could sooner
    Shake the Appenine, and crumble Rockes to du st,
    Then (tho Ioues showre rayned downe) tempt her to lu st.
    Bel. What shall I say?
    2630 Hee discouers himselfe.
    Orl. Say thou art not a Whore, and that's more then
    fifteene women (among st fiue hundred) dare sweare with-
    out lying: this shalt thou say, no let mee say't for thee; thy
    Husband's a Knaue, this Lord's an hone st Man; thou art no
    2635Puncke, this Lady's a right Lady. Pacheco is a Thiefe as his
    Ma ster is, but old Orlando is as true a man as thy Father is:
    I ha seene you flie hie, sir, & I ha seene you flie low, sir, and to
    keepe you from the Gallowes, sir, a blue Coat haue I worne,
    and a Thiefe did I turne, mine owne men are the Pedlers, my
    2640twenty pound did flie hie, sir, your wiues Gowne did flie
    low, sir: whither flie you now, sir? you ha scap'd the Gal-
    lowes, to the Deuill you flie next, sir. Am I right, my Liege?
    Duke. Your Father has the true Phi sicion plaid.
    Mat. And I am now his Patient.
    2645 Hip. And be so still, 'tis a good signe when our cheekes
    blu sh at ill.
    Con st . The Linnen Draper (Signior Candido)
    He whom the Citty tearmes the Patient man,
    Is likewise here for buying of those Lawnes
    2650The Pedlers lo st.
    Infae . Alas good Candido. Exit. Con stable.
    Duke. Fetch him: and when these payments vp are ca st,
    Weigh out your light Gold, but let's haue them la st.
    Enter Candido, and Con stable.
    2655 Duke. In Bridewell, Candido?
    Cand. Yes, my good Lord.
    Duke. What make you here?
    Cand. My Lord, what make you here?
    Duke. I'm here to saue right, and to driue wrong hence.
    2660 Cand. And I to beare wrong here with patience.
    Duke. You ha bought stolne Goods.
    Cand. So they doe say, my Lord,
    Yet bought I them vpon a Gentlemans word,
    And I magine now, as I thought then,
    2665That there be Theeues, but no Theeues Gentlemen.
    Hip. Your Credit's crack'd being here.
    Cand. No more then Gold
    Being crack'd which does his e stimation hold.
    I was in Bedlam once, but was I mad?
    2670They made me pledge Whores healths, but am I bad,
    Because I'm with bad people?
    Duke. Well, stand by,
    If you take wrong, wee'll cure the iniurry.
    Enter Con stable, after them Bots, after him two Beadles, one
    2675 with Hempe, the other with a Beetle.
    Duke. Stay, stay, what's he? a prisoner?
    Con st . Yes, my Lord.
    Hip. He seemes a Soldier?
    Bots. I am what I seeme, Sir, one of Fortunes Ba stards, a
    2680Soldier, and a Gentleman, and am brought in here with
    Ma ster Con stables band of Bilmen, because they face mee
    downe that I liue (like those that keepe Bowling-alleyes)
    by the sinnes of the people, in being a Squire of the body.
    Hip. Oh, an Apple-squire.
    2685 Bots. Yes, sir, that degree of scuruy Squiers, and that I am
    maintained by the be st part that is commonly in a woman,
    by the wor st players of those parts, but I am knowne to all
    this company.
    Lod. My Lord, 'tis true, we all know him, 'tis Lieutenant
    2690 Bots.
    Duke. Bots, and where ha you serued, Bots?
    Bots. In mo st of your hotte st Seruices in the Low-coun-
    tries: at the Groyne I was wounded in this thigh, and halted
    vpon't, but 'tis now sound. In Cleueland I mi st but little,
    2695hauing the bridge of my nose broken downe with two
    great stones, as I was scaling a Fort: I ha beene tryed, Sir,
    too, in Gelderland, and scap'd hardly there from being blown
    vp at a Breach: I was fired, and lay i'th Surgeons hands
    for't, till the fall of the leafe following.
    2700 Hip. All this may be, and yet you no Soldier.
    Bots. No Soldier, sir? I hope these are Seruices that your
    proude st Commanders doe venture vpon, and neuer come
    off sometimes.
    Duke. Well, sir, because you say you are a Soldier,
    2705Ile vse you like a Gentleman: make roome there,
    Plant him among st you, we shall haue anon
    Strange Hawkes flie here before vs: if none light on you,
    You shall with freedome take your flight:
    But if you proue a Bird of baser wing,
    2710Wee'll vse you like such Birds, here you shall sing.
    Bots. I wi sh to be tried at no other weapon.
    Duke. Why, is he furni sht with those in plyments?
    1. Ma ster. The Pander is more dangerous to a State,
    Then is the common Thiefe, and tho our lawes
    2715Lie heauier on the Thiefe, yet that the Pander
    May know the Hangmans ruffe should fit him too,
    Therefore he's set to beat Hempe.
    Duke. This does sauour
    Of Iu stice, base st Slaues to base st labour.
    2720Now pray, set open Hell, and let vs see
    The Shee-Deuils that are here.
    Infa. Me thinkes this place
    Should make euen Lais hone st.
    1. Ma ster. Some it turnes good,
    2725But (as some men whose hands are once in blood,
    Doe in a pride spill more) so, some going hence,
    Are (by being here) lo st in more impudence:
    Let it not to them (when they come) appeare,
    That any one does as their Iudge sit here:
    2730But that as Gentlemen you come to see,
    And then perhaps their tongues will walke more free.
    Duke. Let them be mar shall'd in: be couerd all,
    Fellowes, now to make the Sceane more Comicall.
    Car. Will not you be smelt out, Bots.
    2735 Bots. No, your braue st whores haue the wor st noses.
    Enter two of the Ma sters: a Con stable after them, then Dorathea
    Target, braue, after her two Beadles, th'one with a
    wheele, the other with a blue Gowne.
    Lod. Are not you a Bride, forsooth?
    2740 Dor. Say yee?
    Car. He wud know if these be not your Bridemen.
    Dor. Vuh, yes, sir: and looke yee, doe you see the Bride-
    laces that I giue at my wedding, will serue to tye Rosemary
    to both your Coffins when you come from hanging-Scab?
    2745 Orl. Fie, Puncke, fie, fie, fie.
    Dor. Out you stale stinking head of Garlicke, foh, at my
    heeles.
    Orl. My head's clouen.
    Hip. O, let the Gentlewoman alone, she's going to shrift.
    2750 A st . Nay to doe penance.
    Car. I, I, goe Puncke, goe to the Cro s s e and be whipt.
    Dor. Mary mew, mary muffe, mary hang you goodman
    Dog: whipt? doe yee take me for a base Spittle whore? in
    troth Gentlemen, you weare the cloathes of Gentlemen, but
    2755you carry not the mindes of Gentlemen, to abuse a Gentle-
    woman of my fa shion.
    Lod. Fa shion? pox a your fa shions, art not a whore?
    Dor. Goodman Slaue.
    Duke. O fie, abuse her not, let vs two talke,
    2760What mought I call your name, pray?
    Cor. I'm not a shamed of my name, Sir, my name is Mi stris
    Doll Target, a We sterne Gentlewoman.
    Lod. Her Target again st any Pike in Millan.
    Duke. Why is this wheele borne after her?
    2765 1. Ma ster. She mu st spinne.
    Dor. A coorse thred it shall be, as all threds are.
    A st . If you spin, then you'll earne money here too?
    Dor. I had rather get halfe a Crowne abroad, then ten
    Crownes here.
    2770 Orl. Abroad? I thinke so.
    Infae . Doe st thou not weepe now thou art here?
    Dor. Say yee? weepe? yes forsooth, as you did when
    you lo st your Maidenhead: doe you not heare how I weep?
    Sings.
    2775 Lod. Farewell Doll.
    Dor. Farewell Dog. Exit.
    Duke. Pa st shame: pa st penitence, why is that blue Gowne?
    1. Ma ster. Being stript out of her wanton loose attire,
    That Garment she puts on, base to the eye,
    2780Onely to cloath her in humility.
    Duke. Are all the re st like this?
    1. Ma ster. No, my good Lord.
    You see, this Drab swells with a wanton reyne,
    The next that enters has a different straine.
    2785 Duke. Variety is good, let's see the re st. Exit Ma ster.
    Bots. Your Grace sees I'm sound yet, & no Bullets hit me.
    Duke. Come off so, and 'tis well.
    Omnes. Here's the second Me s s e.
    Enter the two Ma sters, after them the Con stable, after him
    2790Penelope Whore-hound, like a Cittizens wife, after her two
    Beadles, one with a blue Gowne, another with
    Chalke and a Mallet.
    Pen. I'ha worne many a co stly Gowne, but I was neuer
    thus guarded with blue Coats, and Beadles, and Con stables,
    2795and ----
    Car. Alas faire Mi stris, spoyle not thus your eyes.
    Pen. Oh sweet sir, I feare the spoyling of other places a-
    bout me that are dearer then my eyes; if you be Gentlemen,
    if you be men, or euer came of a woman, pitty my case, stand
    2800to me, sticke to me, good sir, you are an old man.
    Orl. Hang not on me, I prethee, old Trees beare no such
    fruit.
    Pen. Will you bayle me, Gentlemen?
    Lod. Bayle thee, art in for debt?
    2805 Pen. No -- is my Iudge, sir, I am in for no debts, I payd
    my Taylor for this Gowne, the la st fiue shillings a weeke
    that was behind, ye sterday.
    Duke. What is your name, I pray?
    Pen. Penelope Whore-hound, I come of the Whore-hounds.
    2810How does Lieutenant Bots.
    Omnes. A ha Bots.
    Bots. A very hone st woman, as I'm a Soldier, a pox Bots ye.
    Pen. I was neuer in this pickle before, and yet if I goe a-
    mong st Cittizens wiues, they ieere at me: if I goe among
    2815the Loose-bodied Gownes, they cry a pox on me, because I
    goe ciuilly attyred, and sweare their trade was a good
    trade, till such as I am tooke it out of their hands: good
    Lieutenant Bots, speake to these Captaines to bayle me.
    1. Ma ster. Begging for bayle still? you are a trim go s sip, goe
    2820giue her the blue Gowne, set her to her chare, worke Hus-
    wife, for your bread, away.
    Pen. Out you Dog, a pox on you all, women are borne to
    curse thee, but I shall liue to see twenty such flat-caps sha-
    king Dice for a penny-worth of Pippins: out, you blue-eyed
    2825Rogue. Exit.
    Omnes. Ha, ha, ha.
    Duke. Euen now she wept, and praid, now does she curse?
    1. Ma ster. Seeing me: if still she had staid, this had beene
    worse.
    2830 Hip. Was she euer here before?
    1. Ma ster. Fiue times at lea st,
    And thus if men come to her, haue her eyes wrung, and
    wept out her bayle.
    Omnes. Bots, you know her?
    2835 Bots. Is there any Gentleman here, that knowes not a
    Whore, and is he a haire the worse for that?
    Duke. Is she a Citty-dame, she's so attyred?
    1. Ma ster. No, my good Lord, that's onely but the vaile
    To her loose body, I haue seene her here
    2840In gayer Masking Suits, as seuerall Sawces
    Giue one Di sh seuerall Ta stes, so change of Habits
    In Whores is a bewitching Art: to day she's all in
    Colours to besot Gallants, then in mode st blacke,
    To catch the Cittizen, and this from their Examinations
    2845Drawne, now shall you see a Mon ster both in shape
    And nature quite from these, that sheds no teare,
    Nor yet is nice, 'tis a plaine ramping Beare,
    Many such Whales are ca st vpon this Shore.
    Omnes. Let's see her.
    2850 1. Ma ster. Then behold a swaggering Whore. Exit.
    Orl. Keep your grownd, Bots.
    Bots. I doe but trauerse to spy aduantage how to arme
    my selfe.
    Enter the two Ma sters fir st, after them the Con stable, after them a
    2855 Beadle beating a Bason, then Catyryna Bountinall, with
    Mi stris Hor sleach, after them another Beadle with a
    blue head guarded with yellow.
    Cat. Sirra, when I cry hold your hands, hold, you Rogue-
    Catcher, hold: Bawd, are the French Chilblaines in your
    2860heeles, that you can come no fa ster? are not you (Bawd) a
    Whores Ancient, and mu st not I follow my Colours?
    Hors . O Mi stris Katherine, you doe me wrong to accuse
    mee here as you doe, before the right Wor shipfull: I am
    knowne for a motherly hone st woman, and no Bawd.
    2865 Cat. Mary foh, hone st? burnt at fourteene, seuen times
    whipt, sixe times carted, nine times duck'd, search'd by
    some hundred and fifty Con stables, and yet you are hone st?
    Hone st Mi stris Hor sleach, is this World, a World to keepe
    Bawds and Whores hone st? How many times ha st thou
    2870giuen Gentlemen a quart of wine in a gallon pot? how ma-
    ny twelue-penny Fees, nay two shillings Fees, nay, when
    any Emba s s adours ha beene here, how many halfe crowne
    Fees ha st thou taken? how many Carriers ha st thou bribed
    for Country Wenches? how often haue I rin st your lungs
    2875in Aquauitae , and yet you are hone st?
    Duke. And what were you the while st?
    Cat. Mary hang you, Ma ster Slaue, who made you an
    examiner?
    Lod. Well said, belike this Deuill spares no man.
    2880 Cat. What art thou prethee?
    Bots. Nay what art thou prethee?
    Cat. A Whore, art thou a Thiefe?
    Bots. A Thiefe, no, I defie the calling, I am a Soldier,
    haue borne Armes in the Field, beene in many a hot Skyr-
    2885mi sh, yet come off sound.
    Cat. Sound with a pox to yee, yee abominable Rogue!
    you a Soldier? you in Skirmi shes? where? among st pottle
    pots in a Bawdy-house? Looke, looke here, you Madam
    Wormeaten, doe not you know him?
    2890 Hors . Lieutenant Bots, where haue yee beene this many a
    day?
    Bots. Old Bawd, doe not discredit me, seeme not to
    know me.
    Hors . Not to know yee, Ma ster Bots? as long as I haue
    2895breath, I cannot forget thy sweet face.
    Duke. Why, doe you know him? he saies he is a Sol-
    dier.
    Cat. He a Soldier? a Pander, a Dog that will licke vp sixe
    pence: doe yee heare, you Ma ster Swines snout, how long is't
    2900 since you held the doore for me, and cried too't agen, no
    body comes, yee Rogue you?
    Omnes. Ha, ha, ha, y'are smelt out agen, Bots.
    Bots. Pox ruyne her nose for't, and I be not reuenged for
    this --vm yee Bitch.
    2905 Lod. Dee yee heare yee Madam? why does your Ladi ship
    swagger thus? y'are very braue, me thinkes.
    Cat. Not at your co st, Ma ster Cods-head,
    Is any man here bleare-eyed to see me braue?
    A st . Yes, I am,
    2910Because good Cloathes vpon a Whores backe
    Is like faire painting vpon a rotten wall.
    Cat. Mary muffe Ma ster Whorema ster, you come vpon
    me with sentences.
    Ber. By this light has small sence for't.
    2915 Lod. O fie, fie, doe not vex her.
    And yet me thinkes a creature of more scuruy conditions
    Should not know what a good Petticoate were.
    Cat. Mary come out,
    Y'are so bu sie about my Petticoate, you'll creepe vp to my
    2920placket, and yee cood but attaine the honour, but and the
    out sides offend your Rogue ships, looke o'the lining, 'tis
    Silke.
    Duke. Is't Silke 'tis lined with then?
    Cat. Silke? I Silke, Ma ster Slaue, you wud bee glad to
    2925wipe your nose with the skirt on't: this 'tis to come a-
    mong a company of Cods-heads that know not how to vse
    a Gentlewoman.
    Duke. Tell her the Duke is here.
    1. Ma ster. Be mode st, Kata, the Duke is here.
    2930 Cat. If the Deuill were here, I care not: set forward, yee
    Rogues, and giue attendance according to your places, let
    Bawds and Whores be sad, for Ile sing and the Deuill were
    a dying. Exeunt.
    Duke. Why before her does the Bason ring?
    2935 1. Ma ster. It is an emblem of their reuelling,
    The whips we vse lets forth their wanton blood,
    Making them calme, and more to calme their pride,
    In stead of Coaches they in Carts doe ride.
    Will your Grace see more of this bad Ware?
    2940 Duke. No, shut vp shop, wee'll now breake vp the faire,
    Yet ere we part -- you, sir, that take vpon yee
    The name of Soldier, that true name of worth,
    Which, action not vaine boa sting be st sets forth,
    To let you know how farre a Soldiers name
    2945Stands from your title, and to let you see,
    Soldiers mu st not be wrong'd where Princes be:
    This bee your sentence.
    Omnes. Defend your selfe, Bots.
    Duke. Fir st, all the priuat sufferance that the house
    2950Inflicts vpon Offenders, you (as the base st)
    Shall vndergoe it double, after which
    You shall bee whipt, sir, round about the Citty,
    Then bani sht from the Land.
    Bots. Beseech your Grace.
    2955 Duke. Away with him, see it done, Panders and Whores
    Are Citty-plagues, which being kept aliue,
    Nothing that lookes like goodnes ere can thriue.
    Now good Orlando, what say you to your bad Sonne-in-law?
    Orl. Mary this, my Lord, he is my Sonne-in-law, and in
    2960law will I be his Father: for if law can pepper him, he shall
    be so parboild, that he shall stinke no more i'th nose of the
    Common-wealth.
    Bel. Be yet more kinde and mercifull, good Father.
    Orl. Doe st thou beg for him, thou precious mans meat,
    2965thou? has he not beaten thee, kickt thee, trod on thee, and
    doe st thou fawne on him like his Spanniell? has hee not
    pawnd thee to thy Petticoate, sold thee to thy smock, made
    yee leape at a cru st, yet wood st haue me saue him?
    Bel. Oh yes, good sir, women shall learne of me,
    2970To loue their husbands in greate st misery,
    Then shew him pitty, or you wracke my selfe.
    Orl. Haue yee eaten Pigeons that y'are so kinde-hearted
    to your Mate? Nay, y'are a couple of wilde Beares, Ile
    haue yee both baited at one stake: but as for this Knaue, the
    2975Gallowes is thy due, and the Gallowes thou shalt haue, Ile
    haue iu stice of the Duke, the Law shall haue thy life, what,
    doe st thou hold him? let goe his hand: if thou doe st not for-
    sake him, a Fathers euerla sting ble s sing fall vpon both your
    heads: away, goe, ki s s e out of my sight, play thou the
    2980Whore no more, nor thou the Thiefe agen, my house shall be thine, my meate shall
    be thine, and so shall my wine, but
    my money shall bee mine, and yet when I die, (so thou doe st
    not flie hie) take all, yet good Matheo, mend.
    Thus for ioy weepes Orlando, and doth end.
    2985 Duke. Then heare, Matheo: all your woes are stayed
    By your good Father-in-law: all your Ills
    Are cleare purged from you by his working pills.
    Come Signior Candido, these greene yong wits
    (We see by Circum stance) this plot hath laid,
    2990Still to prouoke thy patience, which they finde
    A wall of Bra s s e, no Armour's like the minde;
    Thou ha st taught the Citty patience, now our Court
    Shall be thy Spheare, where from thy good report,
    Rumours this truth vnto the world shal sing,
    2995A Patient man's a Patterne for a King. Exeunt.
    FINIS .