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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)

    Enter Matheo, Orlando, and Lodouico.
    Mat. Let who will come (my Noble Shauileir) I can but
    play the kind Hoa st, and bid vm welcome.
    2185 Lod. We'll trouble your house (Matheo) but as Dutchmen
    doe in Tauernes (drinke, be merry, and be gone.)
    Orl. Indeed if you be right Dutchmen, if you fall to drink-
    ing, you mu st be gone.
    Mat. The wor st is, my wife is not at home; but we'll flie
    2190hie (my generous Knight) for all that: there's no Mu sike
    when a woman is in the consort.
    Orl. No, for she's like a paire of Virginals,
    Alwaies with Iackes at her taile.
    Enter A stolfo, Carolo, Beraldo, Fontinell.
    2195 Lod. See, the Couy is sprung.
    Omnes. Saue you Gallants.
    Mat. Happily encounterd, sweet bloods.
    Lod. Gentlemen, you all know Signior Candido, the Linnen
    Draper, he that's more patient then a browne Baker, vpon
    2200the day when he heates his Ouen, and has forty Scolds a-
    bout him.
    Omnes. Yes, we know him all, what of him?
    Lod. Wud it not be a good fit of mirth, to make a piece
    of Engli sh cloth of him, and to stretch him on the Tainters,
    2205till the threds of his owne naturall humor cracke, by ma-
    king him drinke healths, Tobacco, dance, sing bawdy songs,
    or to run any bias according as we thinke good to ca st him?
    Car. 'Twere a Morris dance worth the seeing.
    A st . But the old Fox is so crafty, we shall hardly hunt out
    2210of his den.
    Mat. To that traine I ha giuen fire already; and the hook
    to draw him hither, is to see certaine pieces of Lawne,
    which I told him I haue to sell, and indeed haue such: fetch
    them downe, Pacheco.
    2215 Orl. Yes, sir, I'm your Water-spanniell, and will fetch any
    thing: but Ile fetch one di sh of meat anon, shall turne your stomacke, and that's a Con stable. Exit.
    Enter Bots v shering Mi stris Hor sleach.
    Omnes. How now? how now?
    2220 Car. What Gally-foi st is this?
    Lod. Peace, two di shes of stew'd prunes, a Bawde and a
    Pander. My worthy Lieutenant Bots; why, now I see th'art
    a man of thy word, welcome; welcome Mi stris Hor sleach:
    Pray Gentlemen, salute this reuerend Matron.
    2225 Hors . Thankes to all your Wor ships.
    Lod. I bade a Drawer send in wine too: did none come
    along with thee (Grannam) but the Lieutenant?
    Hors . None came along with me but Bots, if it like your
    Wor ship.
    2230 Bots. Who the pox should come along with you but Bots?
    Enter two Uintners.
    Omnes. Oh braue! march faire.
    Lod. Are you come? that's well.
    Mat. Here's Ordnance able to sacke a Citty.
    2235 Lod. Come, repeat, read this Inuentory.
    1. Uint. Imprimis, a pottle of Greeke wine, a pottle of
    Peter sa meene, a pottle of Charnico, and a pottle of Zi-
    Lod. Y'are paid?
    2240 2. Uint. Yes Sir. Exeunt Vintners.
    Mat. So shall some of vs be anon, I feare.
    Bots. Here's a hot day towards: but zounds, this is the
    life out of which a Soldier sucks sweetne s s e, when this Ar-
    tillery goes off roundly, some mu st drop to the ground: Can-
    2245non, Demy-cannon, Saker, and Basalisk.
    Lod. Giue fire, Lieutenant.
    Bots. So, so: Mu st I venture fir st vpon the breach? to you
    all, Gallants: Bots sets vpon you all.
    Omnes. Its hard (Bots) if we pepper not you, as well as
    2250you pepper vs.
    Enter Candido.
    Lod. My noble Linnen Draper! Some wine: Welcome
    old Lad.
    Mat. Y'are welcome, Signior.
    2255 Cand. These Lawnes, sir?
    Mat. Presently, my man is gone for them: we ha rigged
    a Fleet, you see here, to saile about the world.
    Cand. A dangerous Voyage, sailing in such Ships.
    Bots. There's no ca sting ouer boord yet.
    2260 Lod. Because you are an old Lady, I will haue you be ac-
    quainted with this graue Cittizen, pray be stow your lips
    vpon him, and bid him welcome.
    Hors . Any Cittizen shall be mo st welcome to me:--- I
    haue vsed to buy ware at your shop.
    2265 Cand. It may be so, good Madam.
    Hors . Your Prentices know my dealings well; I tru st
    your good wife be in good case: if it please you, beare her a
    token from my lips, by word of mouth.
    Cand. I pray no more forsooth, 'tis very well, indeed I
    2270loue no sweet meats:---Sh'as a breath stinkes worse then
    fifty Polecats. Sir, a word, is she a Lady?
    Lod. A woman of a good house, and an ancient, shee's a
    Cand. A Bawde? Sir, Ile steale hence, and see your
    2275Lawnes some other time.
    Mat. Steale out of such company? Pacheco? my man is
    but gone for em: Lieutenant Bots, drinke to this worthy old
    fellow, and teach him to flie hie.
    Omnes. Swagger: and make him doo't on his knees.
    2280 Cand. How, Bots? now ble s s e me, what doe I with Bots?
    no wine in sooth, no wine, good Ma ster Bots.
    Bots. Gray-beard, Goats pizzle: 'tis a health, haue this
    in your guts, or this, there: I will sing a bawdy song, sir, be-
    cause your vergis face is melancholly, to make liquor goe
    2285downe glib: will you fall on your maribones, and pledge
    this health, 'tis to my Mi stris, a whore?
    Cand. Here's Ratsbane vpon Ratsbane: Ma ster Bots, I
    pray, sir, pardon me: you are a Soldier, pre s s e me not to this
    seruice, I am old, and shoot not in such pot-gunnes.
    2290 Bots. Cap, Ile teach you.
    Cand. To drinke healths, is to drinke sickne s s e: Gentle-
    men, pray rescue me.
    Bots. Zounds, who dare?
    Omnes. We shall ha stabbing then?
    2295 Cand. I ha reckonings to ca st vp, good Ma ster Bots.
    Bots. This will make you ca st em vp better.
    Lod. Why does your hand shake so?
    Cand. The pal sie, Signiors, danceth in my blood.
    Bots. Pipe with a pox, sir, then, or Ile make your blood
    Cand. Hold, hold, good Ma ster Bots, I drinke.
    Omnes. To whom?
    Cand. To the old Counte s s e there.
    Hors . To me, old Boy? this is he that neuer drunke wine:
    2305once agen too't.
    Cand. With much adoe the poison is got downe,
    Tho I can scarce get vp; neuer before
    Dranke I a whores health, nor will neuer more.
    Enter Orlando with Lawnes.
    2310 Mat. Ha st bin at Gallowes?
    Orl. Yes, sir, for I make account to suffer to day.
    Mat. Looke, Signior: here's the Commodity.
    Cand. Your price?
    Mat. Thus.
    2315 Cand. No: too deare: thus.
    Mat. No: O fie, you mu st slie higher: yet take em home,
    trifles shall not make vs quarrell, we'll agree, you shall haue
    them, and a penniworth, Ile fetch money at your shop.
    Cand. Be it so, good Signior, send me going.
    2320 Mat. Going? a deepe bowle of wine for Signior Candido.
    Orl. He wud be going.
    Cand. Ile rather stay, then goe so: stop your Bowle.
    Enter Con stable and Bilmen.
    Lod. How now?
    2325 Bots. Is't Shroue-tuesday, that these Gho sts walke.
    Mat. What's your bu sine s s e, Sir?
    Con st . From the Duke: you are the man wee looke for,
    Signior, I haue Warrant here from the Duke, to apprehend
    you vpon fellony for robbing two Pedlers: I charge you
    2330i'th Dukes name goe quickly.
    Mat. Is the winde turn'd? well: this is that old Wolfe,
    my Father-in-law: seeke out your Mi stris, Sirra.
    Orl. Yes, Sir: as shafts by piecing are made strong,
    So shall thy life be straightned by this wrong. Exit.
    2335 Omnes. In troth we are sorry.
    Mat. Braue men mu st bee cro st, pi sh, it's but Fortunes
    Dice rouing again st me: Come, sir, pray vse me like a Gen-
    tleman, let me not be carried through the streets like a Pa-
    2340 Con st . If these Gentlemen please, you shall goe along
    with them.
    Omnes. Bee't so: come.
    Con st . What are you, sir?
    Bots. I, sir? sometimes a figure, sometimes a cipher, as the
    2345State has occa sion to ca st vp her accounts: I'm a Soldier.
    Con st . Your name is Bots, is't not?
    Bots. Bots is my name, Bots is knowne to this Company.
    Con st . I know you are, Sir: what's she?
    Bots. A Gentlewoman, my Mother.
    2350 Con st . Take em both along.
    Bots. Me? Sirrr.
    Billmen. And Sirrr.
    Con st . If he swagger, raise the street.
    Bots. Gentlemen, Gentlemen, whither will you drag vs?
    2355 Lod. To the Garden house. Bots, are we euen with you?
    Con st . To Bridewell with em.
    Bots. You will answer this. Exeunt.
    Con st . Better then a challenge, I haue warrant for my
    worke, sir.
    2360 Lod. Wee'll goe before. Exeunt.
    Con st . Pray doe.
    Who, Signior Candido? a Cittizen of your degree consorted
    thus, and reuelling in such a house?
    Cand. Why, sir? what house I pray?
    2365 Con st . Lewd, and defamed.
    Cand. Is't so? thankes, sir: I'm gone.
    Con st . What haue you there?
    Cand. Lawnes which I bought, sir, of the Gentleman
    that keepes the house.
    2370 Con st . And I haue warrant here, to search for such stolne
    Ware: these Lawnes are stolne.
    Cand. Indeed!
    Con st . So he's the Thiefe, you the Receiuer: I'm sorry for
    this chance, I mu st commit you.
    2375 Cand. Me, sir, for what?
    Con st . These Goods are found vpon you, and you mu st
    Cand. Mu st I so?
    Con st . Mo st certaine.
    Cand. Ile send for Bayle.
    2380 Con st .
    I dare not: yet because you are a Cittizen of worth,
    you shall not be made a pointing stocke, but without Guard
    pa s s e onely with my selfe.
    Cand. To Bridewell too?
    Con st . No remedy.
    2385 Cand. Yes, patience: being not mad, they had mee once to
    Now I'm drawne to Bridewell, louing no Whores.
    Con st . You will buy Lawne?-- Exeunt.