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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)

    Enter at one doore Lodouico and Carolo; at another Bots,
    and Mi stris Hor sleach; Candido and his wife
    appeare in the Shop.
    1475 Lod. Hi st, hi st, Lieutenant Bots, how do' st, man?
    Car. Whither are you ambling, Madam Hor sleach?
    Hors . About worldly profit, sir: how doe your Wor ships?
    Bots. We want tooles, Gentlemen, to furni sh the trade:
    they weare out day and night, they weare out till no mettle
    1480bee left in their backe; wee heare of two or three new
    Wenches are come vp with a Carrier, and your old
    Go shawke here is flying at them.
    Lod. And faith, what fle sh haue you at home?
    Hors . Ordinary Di shes, by my troth, sweet men, there's
    1485few good i'th Cittie; I am as well furni sht as any, and tho
    I say it, as well cu stom'd.
    Bots. We haue meates of all sorts of dre s sing; we haue
    stew'd meat for your Frenchmen, pretty light picking meat
    for your Italian, and that which is rotten roa sted, for Don 1490 Spaniardo.
    Lod. A pox on't.
    Bots. We haue Poulterers ware for your sweet bloods, as
    Doue, Chickin, Ducke, Teale, Woodcocke, and so forth: and
    Butchers meat for the Cittizen: yet Muttons fall very bad
    1495this yeere.
    Lod. Stay, is not that my patient Linnen Draper yonder,
    and my fine yong smug Mi stris, his wife?
    Car. Sirra Grannam, Ile giue thee for thy fee twenty
    crownes, if thou can st but procure me the wearing of yon
    1500veluet cap.
    Hos . You'd weare another thing be sides the cap. Y'are
    a Wag.
    Bots. Twenty crownes? we'li share, and Ile be your pully
    to draw her on.
    1505 Lod. Doo't presently; we'll ha some sport.
    Hors . Wheele you about, sweet men: doe you see, Ile chea-
    pen wares of the man, while st Bots is doing with his wife.
    Lod. Too't: if we come into the shop to doe you grace,
    wee'll call you Madam.
    1510 Bots. Pox a your old face, giue it the badge of all scuruy
    faces, a Masque.
    Cand. What is't you lacke, Gentlewoman? Cambricke or
    Lawnes, or fine Hollands? Pray draw neere, I can sell you a
    penny-worth.
    1515 Bots. Some Cambricke for my old Lady.
    Cand. Cambricke? you shall, the pure st thred in Millan.
    Lod. and Car. Saue you, Signior Candido.
    Lod. How does my Noble Ma ster? how my faire Mi stris?
    Cand. My Wor shipfull good Seruant, view it well, for 'tis
    1520both fine and euen.
    Car. Cry you mercy, Madam, tho mask'd, I thought it
    should be you by your man. Pray Signior, shew her the be st,
    for she commonly deales for good ware.
    Cand. Then this shall fit her, this is for your Ladi ship.
    1525 Bots. A word, I pray, there is a waiting Gentlewomon of
    my Ladies: her name is Ruyna, saies she's your Kinswoman,
    and that you should be one of her Aunts.
    Wife. One of her Aunts? troth sir, I know her not.
    Bots. If it please you to be stow the poore labour of your
    1530legs at any time, I will be your conuoy thither?
    Wife. I am a Snaile, sir, seldome leaue my house, if't please
    her to vi sit me, she shall be welcome.
    Bots. Doe you heare? the naked troth is: my Lady hath
    a yong Knight, her sonne, who loues you, y'are made, if you
    1535lay hold vpont: this Iewell he sends you.
    Wife. Sir, I returne his loue and Iewell with scorne; let
    goe my hand, or I shall call my husband. You are an arrant
    Knaue. Exit.
    Lod. What, will she doe?
    1540 Bots. Doe? they shall all doe if Bots sets vpon them once,
    she was as if she had profe st the trade, squeami sh at fir st, at
    la st I shewed her this Iewell, said, a Kuight sent it her.
    Lod. Is't gold, and right stones?
    Bots. Copper, Copper, I goe a fi shing with these baites.
    1545 Lod. She nibbled, but wud not swallow the hooke, because
    the Cunger-head her husband was by: but shee bids the
    Gentleman name any afternoone, and she'll meet him at her
    Garden house, which I know.
    Lod. Is this no lie now?
    1550 Bots. Dam me if---
    Lod. Oh prethee stay there.
    Bots. The twenty crownes, sir.
    Lod. Before he has his worke done? but on my Knightly
    word, he shall pay't thee.
    1555 Enter A stolpho, Beraldo, Fontinell, and the Iri sh Footman.
    A sto. I thought thou had st beene gone into thine owne
    Country.
    Bry. No faat la, I cannot goe dis foure or tree dayes.
    Ber. Looke thee, yonders the shop, and that's the man
    1560himselfe.
    Fon. Thou shalt but cheapen, and doe as we told thee, to
    put a ie st vpon him, to abuse his patience.
    Bry. I faat, I doubt my pate shall be knocked: but sa crees
    sa me, for your shakes, I will runne to any Linnen Draper in
    1565hell, come preddy.
    Omnes. Saue you Gallants.
    Lod. and Car. Oh, well met!
    Cand. You'll giue no more you say? I cannot take it.
    Hors . Truly Ile giue no more.
    1570 Cand. It mu st not fetch it. What wud you haue, sweet
    Gentlemen?
    A sto. Nay, here's the Cu stomer. Exeunt Bots & Hor sl.
    Lod. The Garden-house you say? wee'll boult out your
    roguery.
    1575 Cand. I will but lay these parcels by-- My men are all
    at Cu stome-house vnloding Wares, if Cambricke you wud
    deale in, there's the be st, all Millan cannot sample it.
    Lod. Doe you heare? 1. 2. 3. S'foot, there came in 4.
    Gallants, sure your wife is slipt vp, and the 4th. man I hold
    1580my life, is grafting your Warden tree.
    Cand. Ha, ha, ha: you Gentlemen are full of Ie st.
    If she be vp, she's gone some wares to show,
    I haue aboue as good wares as below.
    Lod. Haue you so? nay then----
    1585 Cand. Now Gentlemen, is't Cambricks?
    Bry. I predee now let me haue de be st wares.
    Cand. What's that he saies, pray Gentlemen?
    Lod. Mary he saies we are like to haue the be st wares.
    Cand. The be st wares? all are bad, yet wares doe good,
    1590And like to Surgeons, let sicke Kingdomes blood.
    Bry. Faat a Deuill prate st tow so, a pox on dee, I preddee
    let me see some Hollen, to make Linnen shirts, for feare my
    body be low sie.
    Cand. Indeed I vnder stand no word he speakes.
    1595 Car. Mary, he saies, that at the siege in Holland there was
    much bawdry vsed among the Souldiers, tho they were
    low sie.
    Cand. It may be so, that's likely, true indeed,
    In euery garden, sir, does grow that weed.
    1600 Bry. Pox on de gardens, and de weedes, and de fooles
    cap dere, and de cloutes; heare? doe st make a Hobby-horse
    of me.
    Omnes. Oh fie, he has torne de Cambricke.
    Cand. 'Tis no matter.
    1605 A sto. It frets me to the soule.
    Cand. So doe st not me.
    My Cu stomers doe oft for remnants call,
    These are two remnants now, no lo s s e at all.
    But let me tell you, were my Seruants here,
    1610It would ha co st more.-- Thanke you Gentlemen,
    I vse you well, pray know my shop agen. Exit.
    Omnes. Ha, ha, ha; come, come, let's goe, let's goe. Exeunt.