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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Quarto 1, 1630)

    Enter Candido, Lodouico, and Carolo. Lodouico other
    Gue sts, and Bride with Prentises.
    465 Cand. O Gentlemen, so late, y'are very welcome, pray
    sit downe.
    Lod. Carolo, did' st ere see such a ne st of Caps?
    A sto. Me thinkes
    It's a mo st ciuill and mo st comely sight.
    470 Lod. What does he 'ith middle looke like?
    A sto. Troth like a spire steeple in a Country Village
    ouerpeering so many thatcht houses.
    Lod. It's rather a long pike staffe again st so many buck-
    lers without pikes; they sit for all the world like a paire of
    475Organs, and hee's the tall great roaring pipe'ith midde st.
    A sto. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
    Cand. What's that you laugh at, Signiors?
    Lod. Troth shall I tell you, and aloude Ile tell it,
    We laugh to see (yet laugh we not in scorne)
    480Among st so many Caps that long Hat worne.
    Lodo. Mine is as tall a felt as any is this day in Millan, and
    therefore I loue it, for the blocke was cleft out for my head,
    and fits me to a haire.
    Cand. Indeed you are good obseruers, it shewes strange.
    485But Gentlemen, I pray neither contemne,
    Nor yet deride a ciuill ornament;
    I could build so much in the round Caps praise,
    That loue this hye roofe, I this flat would raise.
    Lod. Prethee sweet Bridegrome doo't.
    490 Cand. So all these gue sts will pardon me, Ile doo't.
    Omnes. With all our hearts.
    Cand. Thus then in the Caps honor,
    To euery Sex and state, both Nature, Time,
    The Countries lawes, yea and the very Clime
    495Doe allot di stinct habits, the spruce Courtier
    Iets vp and downe in silke: the Warrier
    Marches in buffe, the Clowne plods on in gray:
    But for these vpper garments thus I say,
    The Sea-man has his Cap, par'd without brim,
    500The Gallants head is featherd, that fits him;
    The Soldier has his Murren, women ha Tires;
    Bea sts haue their head-peeces, and men ha theirs.
    Lod. Proceed.
    Cand. Each degree has his fa shion, it's fit then,
    505One should be laid by for the Citizen,
    And that's the Cap which you see swels not hye,
    For Caps are Emblems of humility;
    It is a Citizens badge, and fir st was worne
    By'th Romanes; for when any Bondmans turne
    510Came to be made a Freeman: thus 'twas said,
    He to the Cap was call'd; that is, was made
    Of Rome a Freeman, but was fir st close shorne,
    And so a Citizens haire is still short worne.
    Lod. That close shauing made Barbers a Company,
    515And now euery Citizen vses it.
    Cand. Of Geometricke figures the mo st rare,
    And perfect' st are the Circle and the square,
    The Citty and the Schoole much build vpon
    These figures, for both loue proportion.
    520The City Cap is round, the Schollers square.
    To shew that Gouernment and learning are
    The perfect' st limbes i'th body of a State:
    For without them, all's disproportionate.
    If the Cap had no honor, this might reare it,
    525The Reuerend Fathers of the Law doe weare it.
    It's light for Summer, and in cold it sits
    Close to the scull, a warme house for the wits;
    It shewes the whole face boldly, 'tis not made
    As if a man to looke on't were afraide,
    530Nor like a Drapers shop with broad darke shed,
    For hee's no Citizen that hides his head.
    Flat Caps as proper are to Citty Gownes,
    As to Armors Helmets, or to Kings their Crownes.
    Let then the City Cap by none be scornd,
    535Since with it Princes heads haue beene adornd.
    If more the round Caps honor you would know,
    How would this long Gowne with this steeple show?
    Omnes. Ha, ha, ha: mo st vile, mo st vgly.
    Cand. Pray Signior pardon me, 'twas done in ie st.
    540 Bride. A cup of claret wine there.
    1. Wine: yes forsooth, wine for the Bride.
    Car. You ha well set out the Cap, sir.
    Lod. Nay, that's flat.
    Long. A health.
    545 Lod. Since his Cap's round, that
    } The Bride hits
    the Prentice on
    the lips.
    Shall goe round. Be bare,
    For in the Caps praise all of you haue share.
    Lod. The Bride's at cuffes.
    Cand. Oh, peace I pray thee, thus far off I stand, I spied the
    550error of my seruants, she call'd for Claret, and you fill'd out Sacke; that cup giue me, 'tis for an old mans backe, and
    not for hers. Indeed 'twas but mi staken, aske all these
    else.
    Omnes. No faith, 'twas but mi staken.
    555 1. Nay, she tooke it right enough.
    Cand. Good Luke reach her that gla s s e of Claret.
    Here, Mi stris Bride, pledge me there.
    Bride. Now Ile none. Exit Bride.
    Cand. How now?
    560 Lod. Looke what your Mi stris ayles.
    1. Nothing, sir, but about filling a wrong gla s s e, a scuruy
    tricke.
    Cand. I pray you hold your tongue, my seruant there tells
    me she is not well.
    565 Omnes. Step to her, step to her.
    Lod. A word with you: doe ye heare? This wench (your
    new wife) will take you downe in your wedding shooes,
    vnle s s e you hang her vp in her wedding garters.
    Cand. How, hang her in her garters?
    570 Lod. Will you be a rame Pidgeon still? shall your backe
    be like a Tortoys shell, to let Carts goe ouer it, yet not to
    breake? This Shee-cat will haue more liues then your la st
    Pu s s e had, and will scratch worse, and mouze you worse:
    looke toot.
    575 Cand. What would you haue me doe, sir?
    Lod. What would I haue you doe? Sweare, swagger,
    brawle, fling; for fighting it's no matter, we ha had knocking
    Pu s s es enow already; you know, that a woman was made of
    the rib of a man, and that rib was crooked. The Morall of
    580which is, that a man mu st from his beginning be crooked
    to his wife; be you like an Orāge to her, let her cut you neuer
    so faire, be you sowre as vineger; will you be ruled by me?
    Cand. In any thing that's ciuill, hone st, and iu st.
    Lod. Haue you euer a Prentices suite will fit me?
    585 Cand. I haue the very same which my selfe wore.
    Lod. Ile send my man for't within this halfe houre, and
    within this two houres Ile be your Prentice: the Hen shall
    not ouercrow the Cocke, Ile sharpen your spurres.
    Cand. It will be but some ie st, sir.
    590 Lod. Onely a ie st: farewell, come Carolo. Exeunt.
    Omnes. Wee'll take our leaues, Sir, too.
    Cand. Pray conceite not ill of my wiues sodaine ri sing.
    This young Knight, Sir Lodouico, is deepe seene in Phi sicke,
    and he tells me, the disease call'd the Mother, hangs on my
    595wife, it is a vehement heauing and beating of the Stomacke,
    and that swelling did with the paine thereof crampe vp her
    arme, that hit his lips, and brake the gla s s e: no harme, it was
    no harme.
    Omnes. No, Signior, none at all.
    600 Cand. The straighte st arrow may flye wide by chance.
    But come, we'll cloze this brawle vp in some dance. Exeunt.