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  • Title: The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
  • Editor: Joost Daalder
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-490-5

    Copyright Digital Renaissance Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Thomas Dekker
    Editor: Joost Daalder
    Peer Reviewed

    The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)

    2427.1[5.2]
    Enter Duke, Carolo, Astolfo, Beraldo, Fontinell, three or four Masters of Bridewell, [and] Infelice.
    [To the Masters] Your Bridewell? That the name? For beauty, strength,
    Capacity, and form of ancient building,
    Besides the river’s neighbourhood, few houses
    Wherein we keep our court can better it.
    1 Master
    Hither from foreign courts have princes come,
    2435And with our duke did acts of state commence.
    Here that great cardinal had first audience,
    The grave Campayne; that duke dead, his son,
    That famous prince, gave free possession
    Of this his palace to the citizens
    2440To be the poor man’s warehouse, and endowed it
    With lands to th’value of seven hundred mark,
    With all the bedding and the furniture once proper,
    As the lands then were, to an hospital
    Belonging to a Duke of Savoy. Thus
    2445Fortune can toss the world; a prince’s court
    Is thus a prison now.
    Duke
    ’Tis Fortune’s sport.
    These changes common are; the wheel of fate
    Turns kingdoms up till they fall desolate.
    2450But how are these seven hundred marks by th’year
    Employed in this your workhouse?
    1 Master
    War and peace
    Feed both upon those lands. When the iron doors
    Of wars burst open, from this house are sent
    2455Men furnished in all martial complement.
    The moon hath through her bow scarce drawn to th’head,
    Like to twelve silver arrows, all the months,
    Since sixteen hundred soldiers went aboard.
    Here providence and charity play such parts
    2460The house is like a very school of arts;
    For when our soldiers, like ships driven from sea,
    With ribs all broken and with tattered sides,
    Cast anchor here again, their raggèd backs
    How often do we cover, that like men
    2465They may be sent to their own homes again?
    All here are but one swarm of bees, and strive
    To bring with wearied thighs honey to the hive.
    The sturdy beggar and the lazy loon
    Gets here hard hands or laced correction.
    2470The vagabond grows staid and learns t’obey;
    The drone is beaten well and sent away.
    As other prisons are, some for the thief,
    Some by which undone credit gets relief
    From bridled debtors, others for the poor,
    2475So this is for the bawd, the rogue, and whore.
    Carolo
    An excellent team of horse!
    1 Master
    Nor is it seen
    That the whip draws blood here to cool the spleen
    2480Of any rugged bencher, nor does offence
    Feel smart on spiteful or rash evidence,
    But pregnant testimony forth must stand
    Ere justice leave them in the beadle’s hand.
    As iron on the anvil are they laid
    2485Not to take blows alone, but to be made
    And fashioned to some charitable use.
    Thus wholsom’st laws spring from the worst abuse.
    Enter Orlando [as Pacheco], before Bellafront.
    2490Bellafront
    Let mercy touch your heart-strings, gracious lord,
    That it may sound like music in the ear
    Of a man desperate, being i’th’ hands of law.
    His name?
    Bellafront
    Mattheo.
    2495Duke
    For a robbery?
    Where is he?
    Bellafront
    In this house.
    Duke
    Fetch you him hither.
    Exit Bellafront and one of the Masters of Bridewell.
    [To Orlando] Is this the party?
    Orlando
    This is the hen, my lord, that the cock with the 2500lordly comb, your son-in-law, would crow over and tread.
    Are your two servants ready?
    Orlando
    My two pedlars are packed together, my good lord.
    ’Tis well. This day in judgement shall be spent;
    2505Vice, like a wound lanced, mends by punishment.
    Infelice
    Let me be gone, my lord, or stand unseen;
    ’Tis rare when a judge strikes and that none die,
    And ’tis unfit then women should be by.
    1 Master
    We’ll place you, lady, in some private room.
    2510Infelice
    Pray do so.
    Exit [with a Master].
    Orlando
    [Aside] Thus nice dames swear it is unfit their eyes
    Should view men carved up for anatomies;
    Yet they’ll see all, so they may stand unseen.
    Many women sure will sin behind a screen.
    2515Enter Lodovico.
    Lodovico
    [To the Duke] Your son the lord Hippolito is entered.
    Tell him we wish his presence. – A word, Sforza:
    On what wings flew he hither?
    Lodovico
    These – I told him his lark whom he loved was 2520a Bridewell bird; he’s mad that this cage should hold her, and is come to let her out.
    ’Tis excellent. Away, go call him hither.
    Exit Lodovico.
    Enter one of the Masters of the house; Bellafront after him with Mattheo; after him the Constable. Enter at another 2525door Lodovico and Hippolito. Orlando steps forth and brings in two [Servants disguised as] Pedlars.
    [To Hippolito] You are to us a stranger, worthy lord;
    ’Tis strange to see you here.
    Hippolito
    It is most fit
    2530That where the sun goes atomies follow it.
    Atomies neither shape nor honour bear;
    Be you yourself, a sunbeam to shine clear.
    [Indicating Mattheo] Is this the gentleman? Stand forth and hear
    Your accusation.
    Mattheo
    I’ll hear none; I fly high in that. Rather than kites 2535shall seize upon me and pick out mine eyes to my face, I’ll strike my talons through mine own heart first, and spit my blood in theirs. I am here for shriving those two fools of their sinful pack. When those jackdaws have cawed over me, then must I cry guilty or not guilty. The law has 2540work enough already, and therefore I’ll put no work of mine into his hands. The hangman shall ha’t first. I did pluck those ganders, did rob them.
    ’Tis well done to confess.
    Mattheo
    Confess and be hanged, and then I fly high, is’t not 2545so? That for that! A gallows is the worst rub that a good bowler can meet with. I stumbled against such a post. Else this night I had played the part of a true son in these days, undone my father-in-law. With him would I ha’ run at leap-frog, and come over his gold, though I had broke his neck 2550for’t; but the poor salmon-trout is now in the net.
    Hippolito
    And now the law must teach you to fly high.
    Mattheo
    Right, my lord, and then may you fly low. No more words – a mouse; mum; you are stopped.
    Bellafront
    Be good to my poor husband, dear my lords.
    2555Mattheo
    Ass!
    Why shouldst thou pray them to be good to me,
    When no man here is good to one another?
    Did any hand work in this theft but yours?
    Mattheo
    O yes, my lord, yes. The hangman has never one son at a birth; his children always come by couples. 2560Though I cannot give the old dog my father a bone to gnaw, the daughter shall be sure of a choke-pear. Yes, my lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine pedlars, and that was my wife.
    Bellafront
    Alas! I?
    2565Orlando
    [Aside] O everlasting, supernatural, superlative villain!
    All Others
    Your wife, Mattheo?
    Hippolito
    Sure it cannot be!
    Mattheo
    O sir, you love no quarters of mutton that hang up; you love none but whole mutton. She set the roberry, I 2570performed it. She spurred me on, I galloped away.
    Orlando
    My lords –
    Bellafront
    My lords – fellow, give me speech – if my poor life
    May ransom thine [To Mattheo], I yield it to the law.
    Thou hurtst thy soul, yet wip’st off no offence,
    2575By casting blots upon my innocence.
    Let not these spare me, but tell truth – no, see
    Who slips his neck out of the misery
    Though not out of the mischief. Let thy servant,
    That shared in this base act, accuse me here.
    2580Why should my husband perish, he go clear?
    Orlando
    [Aside] A good child! Hang thine own father!
    [To Orlando] Old fellow, was thy hand in too?
    Orlando
    My hand was in the pie, my lord, I confess it. My mistress, I see, will bring me to the gallows, and so leave me. 2585But I’ll not leave her so. I had rather hang in a woman’s company than in a man’s; because, if we should go to hell together, I should scarce be letten in, for all the devils are afraid to have any women come amongst them. As I am true thief, she neither consented to this felony nor knew of it.
    [To Mattheo] What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife?
    Mattheo
    It’s my humour, sir; ’tis a foolish bagpipe that I make myself merry with. Why should I eat hempseed at the hangman’s thirteenpence-halfpenny ordinary, and have this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter?
    Is she a whore?
    Mattheo
    A sixpenny mutton pasty, for any to cut up.
    Orlando
    [Aside] Ah, toad, toad, toad!
    Mattheo
    A barber’s cittern for every servingman to play upon. That lord your son knows it.
    2600Hippolito
    I, sir? Am I her bawd, then?
    Mattheo
    No, sir, but she’s your whore, then.
    Orlando
    [Aside] Yea, spider, dost catch at great flies?
    Hippolito
    My whore?
    Mattheo
    I cannot talk, sir, and tell of your rems and your 2605rees and your whirligigs and devices. [To the Duke] But, my lord, I found ’em like sparrows in one nest, billing together and bulling of me. I took ’em in bed, was ready to kill him was up to stab her –
    Hippolito
    Close thy rank jaws!
    [To the Duke] Pardon me, I am vexed.
    2610[To Mattheo] Thou art a villain, a malicious devil;
    Deep as the place where thou art lost thou li’st!
    Since I am thus far got into this storm
    I’ll through, and thou shalt see I’ll through untouched,
    When thou shalt perish in it.
    2615Enter Infelice.
    Infelice
    ’Tis my cue
    To enter now. – Room! Let my prize be played.
    I ha’ lurked in clouds, yet heard what all have said.
    What jury more can prove she has wronged my bed
    2620Than her own husband? She must be punishèd.
    [To the Duke] I challenge law, my lord; letters and gold
    And jewels from my lord that woman took!
    Hippolito
    Against that black-mouthed devil, against letters and gold,
    2625And against a jealous wife I do uphold
    Thus far her reputation: I could sooner
    Shake the Apennine and crumble rocks to dust
    Than, though Jove’s show’r rained down, tempt her to lust.
    Bellafront
    What shall I say?
    2630[Orlando] discovers himself.
    Orlando
    Say thou art not a whore, and that’s more than fifteen women amongst five hundred dare swear without lying. This shalt thou say – no, let me say’t for thee: thy husband’s a knave, this lord’s an honest man, thou art no 2635punk, this lady’s a right lady. Pacheco is a thief as his master is, but old Orlando is as true a man as thy father is. [To Mattheo] I ha’ seen you fly high, sir, and I ha’ seen you fly low, sir; and to keep you from the gallows, sir, a blue coat have I worn, and a thief did I turn. Mine own men are the pedlars. My 2640twenty pound did fly high, sir. Your wife’s gown did fly low, sir. Whither fly you now, sir? You ha’ scaped the gallows; to the devil you fly next, sir. – Am I right, my liege?
    [To Mattheo] Your father has the true physician played.
    Mattheo
    And I am now his patient.
    2645Hippolito
    And be so still;
    ’Tis a good sign when our cheeks blush at ill.
    Constable
    The linen-draper, Signor Candido,
    He whom the city terms the patient man,
    Is likewise here for buying of those lawns
    2650The pedlars lost.
    Infelice
    Alas, good Candido!
    Fetch him.
    Exit Constable.
    And when these payments up are cast,
    Weigh out your light gold, but let’s have them last.
    Enter Candido and Constable [who soon goes out].
    In Bridewell, Candido?
    Candido
    Yes, my good lord.
    What make you here?
    Candido
    My lord, what make you here?
    I’m here to save right, and to drive wrong hence.
    2660Candido
    And I to bear wrong here with patience.
    You ha’ bought stol’n goods.
    Candido
    So they do say, my lord;
    Yet bought I them upon a gentleman’s word.
    And I imagine now, as I thought then,
    2665That there be thieves, but no thieves gentlemen.
    Hippolito
    Your credit’s cracked, being here.
    Candido
    No more than gold
    Being cracked which does his estimation hold.
    I was in Bedlam once, but was I mad?
    2670They made me pledge whores’ healths, but am I bad
    Because I’m with bad people?
    Duke
    Well, stand by;
    If you take wrong, we’ll cure the injury.
    Enter Constable; after him Bots; after them two Beadles, one 2675with hemp, the other with a beetle.
    Stay, stay; [Indicating Bots] what’s he? A prisoner?
    Constable
    Yes, my lord.
    Hippolito
    He seems a soldier.
    I am what I seem, sir, one of Fortune’s bastards, a 2680soldier and a gentleman; and am brought in here with Master Constable’s band of billmen because they face me down that I live, like those that keep bowling-alleys, by the sins of the people, in being a squire of the body.
    Hippolito
    O, an apple-squire!
    Yes, sir, that degree of scurvy squires; and that I am maintained by the best part that is commonly in a woman, by the worst players of those parts. But I am known to all this company.
    Lodovico
    [To the Duke] My lord, ’tis true. We all know him; ’tis Lieutenant 2690Bots.
    Bots? – And where ha’ you served, Bots?
    In most of your hottest services in the Low Countries. At the Groyne I was wounded in this thigh, and halted upon’t, but ’tis now sound. In Cleveland I missed but little, 2695having the bridge of my nose broken down with two great stones as I was scaling a fort. I ha’ been tried, sir, too, in Gelderland, and scaped hardly there from being blown up at a breach: I was fired, and lay i’th’ surgeon’s hands for’t till the fall of the leaf following.
    2700Hippolito
    All this may be, and yet you no soldier.
    No soldier, sir? I hope these are services that your proudest commanders do venture upon and never come off sometimes.
    Well, sir, because you say you are a soldier,
    2705I’ll use you like a gentleman.
    [To the Gentlemen] Make room there;
    Plant him amongst you. [To Bots] We shall have anon
    Strange hawks fly here before us. If none light
    On you, you shall with freedom take your flight;
    But if you prove a bird of baser wing,
    2710We’ll use you like such birds: here you shall sing.
    I wish to be tried at no other weapon.
    Why is he furnished with those implements?
    1 Master
    The pander is more dangerous to a state
    Than is the common thief; and though our laws
    2715Lie heavier on the thief, yet that the pander
    May know the hangman’s ruff should fit him, too,
    Therefore he’s set to beat hemp.
    Duke
    This does savour
    Of justice: basest slaves to basest labour.
    2720Now, pray, set open hell, and let us see
    The she-devils that are here.
    Infelice
    Methinks this place
    Should make even Lais honest.
    1 Master
    Some it turns good,
    2725But, as some men whose hands are once in blood
    Do in a pride spill more, so some going hence
    Are by being here lost in more impudence.
    Let it not to them, when they come, appear
    That anyone does as their judge sit here,
    2730But that as gentlemen you come to see,
    And then perhaps their tongues will walk more free.
    Let them be marshalled in.
    [Exeunt Masters, Constable, and Beadles.]
    Be covered all,
    Fellows, now, to make the scene more comical.
    [The Gentlemen and Bots cover their faces.]
    [Aside to Bots] Will not you be smelt out, Bots?
    [Aside to Carolo] No, your bravest whores have the worst noses.
    Enter two of the Masters; a Constable after them; then Dorothea Target, brave; after her two Beadles, th’one with a wheel, the other with a blue gown.
    Lodovico
    [To Dorothea] Are not you a bride, forsooth?
    2740Dorothea
    Say ye?
    He would know if these be not your bridemen.
    Dorothea
    Uuh! Yes, sir! And look ye – do you see the bride-laces that I give at my wedding will serve to tie rosemary to both your coffins when you come from hanging, scab?
    2745Orlando
    Fie, punk! Fie, fie, fie!
    Dorothea
    Out, you stale, stinking head of garlic! Faugh, at my heels!
    [She beats him.]
    Orlando
    My head’s cloven.
    Hippolito
    O, let the gentlewoman alone; she’s going to shrift.
    2750Astolfo
    Nay, to do penance.
    Ay, ay, go, punk; go to the cross and be whipped.
    Dorothea
    Marry mew! Marry-muff! Marry hang you, Goodman Dog! Whipped? Do ye take me for a base spital whore? – In troth, gentlemen, you wear the clothes of gentlemen, but 2755you carry not the minds of gentlemen, to abuse a gentlewoman of my fashion.
    Lodovico
    Fashion? Pox o’your fashions! Art not a whore?
    Dorothea
    Goodman Slave!
    [To the Gentlemen] O fie, abuse her not. Let us two talk.
    2760[To Dorothea] What mought I call your name, pray?
    Dorothea
    I’m not ashamed of my name, sir. My name is Mistress Doll Target, a Western gentlewoman.
    Lodovico
    Her target against any pike in Milan.
    Why is this wheel borne after her?
    27651 Master
    She must spin.
    Dorothea
    A coarse thread it shall be, as all threads are.
    Astolfo
    If you spin, then you’ll earn money here, too.
    Dorothea
    I had rather get half a crown abroad than ten crowns here.
    2770Orlando
    Abroad? I think so.
    Infelice
    Dost thou not weep now thou art here?
    Dorothea
    Say ye? Weep? Yes, forsooth, as you did when you lost your maidenhead. Do you not hear how I weep?
    [She] sings.
    2775Lodovico
    Farewell, Doll.
    Dorothea
    Farewell, Dog.
    Exit [with 2 Master and Beadles].
    Past shame, past penitence.
    [To 1 Master] Why is that blue gown?
    1 Master
    Being stripped out of her wanton loose attire,
    That garment she puts on, base to the eye,
    2780Only to clothe her in humility.
    Are all the rest like this?
    1 Master
    No, my good lord.
    You see, this drab swells with a wanton rein;
    The next that enters has a different strain.
    Variety is good; let’s see the rest.
    Exit [1] Master [and the Constable].
    You Grace sees I’m sound yet, and no bullets hit me.
    Come off so, and ’tis well.
    All Gentlemen
    Here’s the second mess.
    Enter the two Masters; after them the Constable; after him 2790Penelope Whorehound like a citizen’s wife; after her two Beadles, one with a blue gown, another with chalk and a mallet.
    Penelope
    I ha’ worn many a costly gown, but I was never thus guarded with blue coats and beadles and constables 2795and –
    [She weeps.]
    Alas, fair mistress, spoil not thus your eyes.
    Penelope
    O sweet sir, I fear the spoiling of other places about me that are dearer than my eyes. If you be gentlemen, if you be men, or ever came of a woman, pity my case! [To Orlando, clinging to him] Stand 2800to me, stick to me, good sir; you are an old man.
    Orlando
    Hang not on me, I prithee; old trees bear no such fruit.
    Penelope
    Will you bail me, gentlemen?
    Lodovico
    Bail thee? Art in for debt?
    2805Penelope
    No; God is my judge, sir, I am in for no debts. I paid my tailor for this gown the last five shillings a week that was behind, yesterday.
    What is your name, I pray?
    Penelope
    Penelope Whorehound. I come of the Whorehounds. [To Bots] 2810How does Lieutenant Bots?
    All Gentlemen
    Aha, Bots!
    A very honest woman, as I’m a soldier. [Aside to her] A pox bots ye!
    Penelope
    I was never in this pickle before – and yet if I go amongst citizens’ wives they jeer at me; if I go among 2815the loose-bodied gowns, they cry a pox on me because I go civilly attired, and swear their trade was a good trade till such as I am took it out of their hands. Good Lieutenant Bots, speak to these captains to bail me.
    1 Master
    Begging for bail still? You are a trim gossip. [To Beadles] Go, 2820give her the blue gown, set her to her chare. – Work, huswife, for your bread. Away!
    Penelope
    Out, you dog! – A pox on you all! – Women are born to curse thee! But I shall live to see twenty such flat-caps shaking dice for a pennyworth of pippins. Out, you blue-eyed 2825rogue!
    Exit [with Beadles].
    All Gentlemen
    Ha, ha, ha!
    Even now she wept and prayed; now does she curse?
    1 Master
    Seeing me. If still she had stayed, this had been worse.
    2830Hippolito
    Was she ever here before?
    1 Master
    Five times at least;
    And thus, if men come to her, have her eyes
    Wrung and wept out her bail.
    All Gentlemen
    Bots, you know her!
    Is there any gentleman here that knows not a whore? And is he a hair the worse for that?
    [To 1 Master] Is she a city dame, she’s so attired?
    1 Master
    No, my good lord, that’s only but the veil
    To her loose body. I have seen her here
    2840In gayer masking suits. As several sauces
    Give one dish several tastes, so change of habits
    In whores is a bewitching art. Today
    She’s all in colours to besot gallants;
    Then in modest black, to catch the citizen,
    And this from their examination’s 2845drawn.
    Now shall you see a monster both in shape
    And nature quite from these, that sheds no tear,
    Nor yet is nice. ’Tis a plain ramping bear;
    Many such whales are cast upon this shore.
    All Gentlemen
    Let’s see her.
    28501 Master
    Then behold a swaggering whore.
    Exit [with 2 Master and Constable].
    Orlando
    Keep your ground, Bots.
    I do but traverse to spy advantage how to arm myself.
    Enter the two Masters first; after them the Constable; after them a 2855Beadle beating a basin; then Catherina Bountinall with Mistress Horseleech; after them another Beadle, with a blue head guarded with yellow.
    Catherina
    [To the Constable] Sirrah, when I cry ‘Hold your hands!’, hold, you rogue-catcher, hold! – Bawd, are the French chilblains in your 2860heels, that you can come no faster? Are not you, bawd, a whore’s ancient, and must not I follow my colours?
    Horseleech
    O Mistress Catherine, you do me wrong to accuse me here as you do, before the right worshipful. I am known for a motherly, honest woman, and no bawd.
    2865Catherina
    Marry, faugh! Honest? Burnt at fourteen, seven times whipped, six times carted, nine times ducked, searched by some hundred and fifty constables, and yet you are honest? ‘Honest’ Mistress Horseleech, is this world a world to keep bawds and whores honest? How many times hast thou 2870given gentlemen a quart of wine in a gallon pot? How many twelvepenny fees, nay two-shillings fees, nay, when any ambassadors ha’ been here, how many half-crown fees hast thou taken? How many carriers hast thou bribed for country wenches? How often have I rinsed your lungs 2875in aqua-vitae? And yet you are honest?
    [To Catherina] And what were you the whilst?
    Catherina
    Marry hang you, Master Slave! Who made you an examiner?
    Lodovico
    Well said! Belike this devil spares no man.
    2880Catherina
    [To Bots] What art thou, prithee?
    Nay, what art thou, prithee?
    Catherina
    A whore. Art thou a thief?
    A thief? No. I defy the calling; I am a soldier, have borne arms in the field, been in many a hot 2885skirmish, yet come off sound.
    Catherina
    Sound with a pox to ye, ye abominable rogue! You a soldier? You in skirmishes? Where? Amongst pottle-pots in a bawdy house? [To Horseleech] Look, look here, you Madam Worm-eaten, do not you know him?
    2890Horseleech
    Lieutenant Bots! Where have ye been this many a day?
    [Aside to Horseleech] Old bawd, do not discredit me, seem not to know me.
    Horseleech
    Not to know ye, Master Bots? As long as I have 2895breath, I cannot forget thy sweet face.
    Why, do you know him? He says he is a soldier.
    Catherina
    He a soldier? A pander, a dog that will lick up sixpence. Do ye hear, you Master Swine’s-snout, how long is’t 2900since you held the door for me, and cried ‘To’t again, nobody comes’, ye rogue, you?
    All Gentlemen
    Ha, ha, ha! You’re smelt out again, Bots.
    Pox ruin her nose for’t! An I be not revenged for this – umm, ye bitch!
    2905Lodovico
    D’ye hear ye, madam? Why does your ladyship swagger thus? You’re very brave, methinks.
    Catherina
    Not at your cost, Master Cod’s-head;
    Is any man here blear-eyed to see me brave?
    Astolfo
    Yes, I am, 2910because good clothes upon a whore’s back is like fair painting upon a rotten wall.
    Catherina
    Marry-muff, Master Whoremaster, you come upon me with sentences.
    Beraldo
    By this light, h’as small sense for’t.
    2915Lodovico
    O fie, fie, do not vex her. And yet methinks a creature of more scurvy conditions should not know what a good petticoat were.
    Catherina
    Marry come out! You’re so busy about my petticoat you’ll creep up to my 2920placket, an ye could but attain the honour. But an the outsides offend your rogueships, look o’the lining – ’tis silk.
    Is’t silk ’tis lined with, then?
    Catherina
    Silk? Ay, silk, Master Slave. You would be glad to 2925wipe your nose with the skirt on’t. This ’tis to come among a company of cod’s-heads that know not how to use a gentlewoman.
    [To 1 Master] Tell her the Duke is here.
    1 Master
    Be modest, Kate, the Duke is here.
    2930Catherina
    If the devil were here, I care not. – Set forward, ye rogues, and give attendance according to your places. Let bawds and whores be sad, for I’ll sing an the devil were a-dying.
    Exeunt [Catherina, Horseleech and Beadles, one of whom follows the women while the other goes before, beating his basin.]
    [To 1 Master] Why before her does the basin ring?
    29351 Master
    It is an emblem of their revelling.
    The whips we use lets forth their wanton blood,
    Making them calm; and, more to calm their pride,
    Instead of coaches they in carts do ride.
    Will your Grace see more of this bad ware?
    No, shut up shop. We’ll now break up the fair.
    Yet ere we part – [To Bots] you, sir, that take upon ye
    The name of soldier, that true name of worth,
    Which action, not vain boasting, best sets forth,
    To let you know how far a soldier’s name
    2945Stands from your title, and to let you see
    Soldiers must not be wronged where princes be,
    This be your sentence: –
    All Gentlemen
    Defend yourself, Bots!
    First, all the private sufferance that the house
    2950Inflicts upon offenders, you, as the basest,
    Shall undergo it double; after which
    You shall be whipped, sir, round about the city,
    Then banished from the land.
    Bots
    Beseech your Grace!
    Away with him, see it done.
    [Exit Bots with Constable.]
    Panders and whores
    Are city plagues, which being kept alive
    Nothing that looks like goodness e’er can thrive. –
    Now good Orlando, what say you to your bad son-in-law?
    Orlando
    Marry, this, my lord: he is my son-in-law, and in 2960law will I be his father. For if law can pepper him, he shall be so parboiled that he shall stink no more i’th’ nose of the commonwealth.
    Bellafront
    Be yet more kind and merciful, good father.
    Orlando
    Dost thou beg for him, thou precious man’s meat, 2965thou? Has he not beaten thee, kicked thee, trod on thee, and dost thou fawn on him like his spaniel? Has he not pawned thee to thy petticoat, sold thee to thy smock, made thee leap at a crust, yet wouldst have me save him?
    Bellafront
    O, yes, good sir. Women shall learn of me
    2970To love their husbands in greatest misery.
    Then show him pity, or you wreck myself.
    Orlando
    Have ye eaten pigeons, that you’re so kindhearted to your mate? Nay, you’re a couple of wild bears; I’ll have ye both baited at one stake. – But as for this knave [Addressing Mattheo]: the 2975gallows is thy due, and the gallows thou shalt have. I’ll have justice of the Duke; the law shall have thy life. [To Bellafront] What, dost thou hold him? Let go his hand. If thou dost not forsake him, a father’s everlasting blessing fall upon both your heads! Away, go, kiss out of my sight! Play thou the 2980whore no more, nor thou the thief again.
    My house shall be thine,
    My meat shall be thine,
    And so shall my wine,
    But my money shall be mine;
    And yet when I die,
    So thou dost not fly high,
    Take all. Yet, good Mattheo, mend.
    Thus for joy weeps Orlando, and doth end.
    Then hear, Mattheo. All your woes are stayed
    By your good father-in-law; all your ills
    Are clear purged from you by his working pills. –
    Come, Signor Candido, these green young wits
    We see by circumstance, this plot hath laid
    2990Still to provoke thy patience, which they find
    A wall of brass; no armour’s like the mind.
    Thou hast taught the city patience; now our court
    Shall be thy sphere, where from thy good report
    Rumours this truth unto the world shall sing:
    2995A patient man’s a pattern for a king.
    Exeunt.