Peer Reviewed
- Edition: The Honest Whore, Part 2
The Honest Whore, Part 2 (Modern)
- Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Acknowledgements
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Abbreviations
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Analysis of the Plays
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: The Plays in Performance
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Textual Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Appendices
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- Texts of this edition
- Facsimiles
2427.1[5.2]
5.2.0.12428Enter Duke, Carolo, Astolfo, Beraldo, Fontinell, three 2429or four Masters of Bridewell, [and] Infelice.
[To the Masters] Your Bridewell? That the name? For beauty, strength,
Hither from foreign courts have princes come,
2447Duke
始Tis Fortune始s sport.
24521 Master
War and peace
An excellent team of horse!
Nor is it seen
Thus wholsom始st laws spring from the worst 2488abuse.
Let mercy touch your heart-strings, gracious lord,
His name?
2494Bellafront
Mattheo.
2495Duke
For a robbery?
5.2.59Where is he?
2496Bellafront
In this house.
2497Duke
Fetch you him hither.
5.2.58.1Exit Bellafront and one of the Masters of Bridewell.
2498[To Orlando] Is this the party?
This is the hen, my lord, that the cock with the 2500lordly comb, your son-in-law, would crow over and 2501tread.
Are your two servants ready?
My two pedlars are packed together, my good lord.
始Tis well. This day in judgement shall be spent;
Let me be gone, my lord, or stand unseen;
We始ll place you, lady, in some private room.
Pray do so.
5.2.69.1Exit [with a Master].
[Aside] Thus nice dames swear it is unfit their eyes
[To the Duke] Your son the lord Hippolito is entered.
Tell him we wish his presence. – A word, Sforza:
These – I told him his lark whom he loved was 2520a Bridewell bird; he始s mad that this cage should hold her, 2521and is come to let her out.
始Tis excellent. Away, go call him hither.
5.2.78.1Exit Lodovico.
5.2.78.22523Enter one of the Masters of the house; Bellafront after him 2524with Mattheo; after him the Constable. Enter at another 2525door Lodovico and Hippolito. Orlando steps 2526forth and brings in two [Servants disguised as] Pedlars.
[To Hippolito] You are to us a stranger, worthy lord;
2529Hippolito
It is most fit
Atomies neither shape nor honour bear;
5.2.85Your accusation.
I始ll hear none; I fly high in that. Rather than kites 2535shall seize upon me and pick out mine eyes to my face, I始ll 2536strike my talons through mine own heart first, and spit my 2537blood in theirs. I am here for shriving those two fools of 2538their sinful pack. When those jackdaws have cawed 2539over me, then must I cry guilty or not guilty. The law has 2540work enough already, and therefore I始ll put no work of 2541mine into his hands. The hangman shall ha始t first. I did pluck 2542those ganders, did rob them.
始Tis well done to confess.
Confess and be hanged, and then I fly high, is始t not 2545so? That for that! A gallows is the worst rub that a good 2546bowler can meet with. I stumbled against such a post. Else 2547this night I had played the part of a true son in these days, 2548undone my father-in-law. With him would I ha始 run at 2549leap-frog, and come over his gold, though I had broke his neck 2550for始t; but the poor salmon-trout is now in the net.
And now the law must teach you to fly high.
Right, my lord, and then may you fly low. No more 2553words – a mouse; mum; you are stopped.
Be good to my poor husband, dear my lords.
Ass!
5.2.94When no man here is good to one another?
Did any hand work in this theft but yours?
O yes, my lord, yes. The hangman has never 2559one son at a birth; his children always come by couples. 2560Though I cannot give the old dog my father a bone to gnaw, 2561the daughter shall be sure of a choke-pear. Yes, my 2562lord, there was one more that fiddled my fine pedlars, and 2563that was my wife.
Alas! I?
[Aside] O everlasting, supernatural, superlative villain!
Your wife, Mattheo?
2567Hippolito
Sure it cannot be!
O sir, you love no quarters of mutton that hang 2569up; you love none but whole mutton. She set the roberry, I 2570performed it. She spurred me on, I galloped away.
My lords –
My lords – fellow, give me speech – if my poor life
[Aside] A good child! Hang thine own father!
[To Orlando] Old fellow, was thy hand in too?
My hand was in the pie, my lord, I confess it. My 2584mistress, I see, will bring me to the gallows, and so leave me. 2585But I始ll not leave her so. I had rather hang in a woman始s 2586company than in a man始s; because, if we should go to hell together, 2587I should scarce be letten in, for all the devils are afraid to 2588have any women come amongst them. As I am true thief, 2589she neither consented to this felony nor knew of it.
[To Mattheo] What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife?
It始s my humour, sir; 始tis a foolish bagpipe that I 2592make myself merry with. Why should I eat hempseed 2593at the hangman始s thirteenpence-halfpenny ordinary, 2594and have this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter?
Is she a whore?
A sixpenny mutton pasty, for any to cut up.
[Aside] Ah, toad, toad, toad!
A barber始s cittern for every servingman to play 2599upon. That lord your son knows it.
I, sir? Am I her bawd, then?
No, sir, but she始s your whore, then.
[Aside] Yea, spider, dost catch at great flies?
My whore?
I cannot talk, sir, and tell of your rems and your 2605rees and your whirligigs and devices. [To the Duke] But, my lord, I 2606found 始em like sparrows in one nest, billing together and 2607bulling of me. I took 始em in bed, was ready to kill him was 2608up to stab her –
Close thy rank jaws!
[To the Duke] Pardon me, I am vexed.
2616Infelice
始Tis my cue
Against that black-mouthed devil, against letters 2624and gold,
What shall I say?
Say thou art not a whore, and that始s more than 2632fifteen women amongst five hundred dare swear 2633without lying. This shalt thou say – no, let me say始t for thee: thy 2634husband始s a knave, this lord始s an honest man, thou art no 2635punk, this lady始s a right lady. Pacheco is a thief as his 2636master is, but old Orlando is as true a man as thy father is. [To Mattheo] 2637I ha始 seen you fly high, sir, and I ha始 seen you fly low, sir; and to 2638keep you from the gallows, sir, a blue coat have I worn, 2639and a thief did I turn. Mine own men are the pedlars. My 2640twenty pound did fly high, sir. Your wife始s gown did fly 2641low, sir. Whither fly you now, sir? You ha始 scaped the 2642gallows; to the devil you fly next, sir. – Am I right, my liege?
[To Mattheo] Your father has the true physician played.
And I am now his patient.
2645Hippolito
And be so still;
The linen-draper, Signor Candido,
2651Infelice
Alas, good Candido!
Fetch him.
5.2.151.1Exit Constable.
And when these payments up are cast,
In Bridewell, Candido?
2656Candido
Yes, my good lord.
What make you here?
2658Candido
My lord, what make you here?
I始m here to save right, and to drive wrong hence.
And I to bear wrong here with patience.
You ha始 bought stol始n goods.
2662Candido
So they do say, my lord;
Your credit始s cracked, being here.
2667Candido
No more than gold
2672Duke
Well, stand by;
5.2.166.12674Enter Constable; after him Bots; after them two Beadles, one 2675with hemp, the other with a beetle.
Stay, stay; [Indicating Bots] what始s he? A prisoner?
2677Constable
Yes, my lord.
He seems a soldier.
I am what I seem, sir, one of Fortune始s bastards, a 2680soldier and a gentleman; and am brought in here with 2681Master Constable始s band of billmen because they face me 2682down that I live, like those that keep bowling-alleys, 2683by the sins of the people, in being a squire of the body.
O, an apple-squire!
Yes, sir, that degree of scurvy squires; and that I am 2686maintained by the best part that is commonly in a woman, 2687by the worst players of those parts. But I am known to all 2688this company.
[To the Duke] My lord, 始tis true. We all know him; 始tis Lieutenant 2690Bots.
Bots? – And where ha始 you served, Bots?
In most of your hottest services in the Low 2693Countries. At the Groyne I was wounded in this thigh, and halted 2694upon始t, but 始tis now sound. In Cleveland I missed but little, 2695having the bridge of my nose broken down with two 2696great stones as I was scaling a fort. I ha始 been tried, sir, 2697too, in Gelderland, and scaped hardly there from being blown 2698up at a breach: I was fired, and lay i始th始 surgeon始s hands 2699for始t till the fall of the leaf following.
All this may be, and yet you no soldier.
No soldier, sir? I hope these are services that your 2702proudest commanders do venture upon and never come 2703off sometimes.
Well, sir, because you say you are a soldier,
[To the Gentlemen] Make room there;
I wish to be tried at no other weapon.
Why is he furnished with those implements?
The pander is more dangerous to a state
2718Duke
This does savour
2722Infelice
Methinks this place
27241 Master
Some it turns good,
Let them be marshalled in.
5.2.202.1[Exeunt Masters, Constable, and Beadles.]
Be covered all,
5.2.203.1[The Gentlemen and Bots cover their faces.]
[Aside to Bots] Will not you be smelt out, Bots?
[Aside to Carolo] No, your bravest whores have the worst noses.
5.2.205.12736Enter two of the Masters; a Constable after them; then Dorothea 2737Target, brave; after her two Beadles, th始one with a 2738wheel, the other with a blue gown.
[To Dorothea] Are not you a bride, forsooth?
Say ye?
He would know if these be not your bridemen.
Uuh! Yes, sir! And look ye – do you see the 2743bride-laces that I give at my wedding will serve to tie rosemary 2744to both your coffins when you come from hanging, scab?
Fie, punk! Fie, fie, fie!
Out, you stale, stinking head of garlic! Faugh, at my 2747heels!
5.2.211.1[She beats him.]
My head始s cloven.
O, let the gentlewoman alone; she始s going to shrift.
Nay, to do penance.
Ay, ay, go, punk; go to the cross and be whipped.
Marry mew! Marry-muff! Marry hang you, Goodman 2753Dog! Whipped? Do ye take me for a base spital whore? – In 2754troth, gentlemen, you wear the clothes of gentlemen, but 2755you carry not the minds of gentlemen, to abuse a 2756gentlewoman of my fashion.
Fashion? Pox o始your fashions! Art not a whore?
Goodman Slave!
[To the Gentlemen] O fie, abuse her not. Let us two talk.
I始m not ashamed of my name, sir. My name is Mistress 2762Doll Target, a Western gentlewoman.
Her target against any pike in Milan.
Why is this wheel borne after her?
She must spin.
A coarse thread it shall be, as all threads are.
If you spin, then you始ll earn money here, too.
I had rather get half a crown abroad than ten 2769crowns here.
Abroad? I think so.
Dost thou not weep now thou art here?
Say ye? Weep? Yes, forsooth, as you did when 2773you lost your maidenhead. Do you not hear how I weep?
Farewell, Doll.
Farewell, Dog.
5.2.232.1Exit [with 2 Master and Beadles].
Past shame, past penitence.
[To 1 Master] Why is that blue gown?
Being stripped out of her wanton loose attire,
Are all the rest like this?
27821 Master
No, my good lord.
Variety is good; let始s see the rest.
5.2.240.1Exit [1] Master [and the Constable].
You Grace sees I始m sound yet, and no bullets hit me.
Come off so, and 始tis well.
Here始s the second mess.
5.2.243.12789Enter the two Masters; after them the Constable; after him 2790Penelope Whorehound like a citizen始s wife; after her two 2791Beadles, one with a blue gown, another with 2792chalk and a mallet.
I ha始 worn many a costly gown, but I was never 2794thus guarded with blue coats and beadles and constables 2795and –
5.2.244.1[She weeps.]
Alas, fair mistress, spoil not thus your eyes.
O sweet sir, I fear the spoiling of other places 2798about me that are dearer than my eyes. If you be gentlemen, 2799if you be men, or ever came of a woman, pity my case! [To Orlando, clinging to him] Stand 2800to me, stick to me, good sir; you are an old man.
Hang not on me, I prithee; old trees bear no such 2802fruit.
Will you bail me, gentlemen?
Bail thee? Art in for debt?
No; God is my judge, sir, I am in for no debts. I paid 2806my tailor for this gown the last five shillings a week 2807that was behind, yesterday.
What is your name, I pray?
Penelope Whorehound. I come of the Whorehounds. [To Bots] 2810How does Lieutenant Bots?
Aha, Bots!
A very honest woman, as I始m a soldier. [Aside to her] A pox bots ye!
I was never in this pickle before – and yet if I go 2814amongst citizens始 wives they jeer at me; if I go among 2815the loose-bodied gowns, they cry a pox on me because I 2816go civilly attired, and swear their trade was a good 2817trade till such as I am took it out of their hands. Good 2818Lieutenant Bots, speak to these captains to bail me.
Begging for bail still? You are a trim gossip. [To Beadles] Go, 2820give her the blue gown, set her to her chare. – Work, 2821huswife, for your bread. Away!
Out, you dog! – A pox on you all! – Women are born to 2823curse thee! But I shall live to see twenty such flat-caps 2824shaking dice for a pennyworth of pippins. Out, you blue-eyed 2825rogue!
5.2.257.1Exit [with Beadles].
Ha, ha, ha!
Even now she wept and prayed; now does she curse?
Seeing me. If still she had stayed, this had been 2829worse.
Was she ever here before?
28311 Master
Five times at least;
2834All Gentlemen
Bots, you know her!
Is there any gentleman here that knows not a 2836whore? And is he a hair the worse for that?
[To 1 Master] Is she a city dame, she始s so attired?
No, my good lord, that始s only but the veil
5.2.274Now shall you see a monster both in shape
Let始s see her.
28501 Master
Then behold a swaggering whore.
5.2.278.1Exit [with 2 Master and Constable].
Keep your ground, Bots.
I do but traverse to spy advantage how to arm 2853myself.
5.2.280.12854Enter the two Masters first; after them the Constable; after them a 2855Beadle beating a basin; then Catherina Bountinall with 2856Mistress Horseleech; after them another Beadle, with a 2857blue head guarded with yellow.
[To the Constable] Sirrah, when I cry ‘Hold your hands!始, hold, you 2859rogue-catcher, hold! – Bawd, are the French chilblains in your 2860heels, that you can come no faster? Are not you, bawd, a 2861whore始s ancient, and must not I follow my colours?
O Mistress Catherine, you do me wrong to accuse 2863me here as you do, before the right worshipful. I am 2864known for a motherly, honest woman, and no bawd.
Marry, faugh! Honest? Burnt at fourteen, seven times 2866whipped, six times carted, nine times ducked, searched by 2867some hundred and fifty constables, and yet you are honest? 2868‘Honest始 Mistress Horseleech, is this world a world to keep 2869bawds and whores honest? How many times hast thou 2870given gentlemen a quart of wine in a gallon pot? How 2871many twelvepenny fees, nay two-shillings fees, nay, when 2872any ambassadors ha始 been here, how many half-crown 2873fees hast thou taken? How many carriers hast thou bribed 2874for country wenches? How often have I rinsed your lungs 2875in aqua-vitae? And yet you are honest?
[To Catherina] And what were you the whilst?
Marry hang you, Master Slave! Who made you an 2878examiner?
Well said! Belike this devil spares no man.
[To Bots] What art thou, prithee?
Nay, what art thou, prithee?
A whore. Art thou a thief?
A thief? No. I defy the calling; I am a soldier, 2884have borne arms in the field, been in many a hot 2885skirmish, yet come off sound.
Sound with a pox to ye, ye abominable rogue! 2887You a soldier? You in skirmishes? Where? Amongst 2888pottle-pots in a bawdy house? [To Horseleech] Look, look here, you Madam 2889Worm-eaten, do not you know him?
Lieutenant Bots! Where have ye been this many a 2891day?
[Aside to Horseleech] Old bawd, do not discredit me, seem not to 2893know me.
Not to know ye, Master Bots? As long as I have 2895breath, I cannot forget thy sweet face.
Why, do you know him? He says he is a 2897soldier.
He a soldier? A pander, a dog that will lick up 2899sixpence. Do ye hear, you Master Swine始s-snout, how long is始t 2900since you held the door for me, and cried ‘To始t again, 2901nobody comes始, ye rogue, you?
Ha, ha, ha! You始re smelt out again, Bots.
Pox ruin her nose for始t! An I be not revenged for 2904this – umm, ye bitch!
D始ye hear ye, madam? Why does your ladyship 2906swagger thus? You始re very brave, methinks.
Not at your cost, Master Cod始s-head;
Yes, I am, 2910because good clothes upon a whore始s back 2911is like fair painting upon a rotten wall.
Marry-muff, Master Whoremaster, you come upon 2913me with sentences.
By this light, h始as small sense for始t.
O fie, fie, do not vex her. 2916And yet methinks a creature of more scurvy conditions 2917should not know what a good petticoat were.
Marry come out! 2919You始re so busy about my petticoat you始ll creep up to my 2920placket, an ye could but attain the honour. But an the 2921outsides offend your rogueships, look o始the lining – 始tis 2922silk.
Is始t silk 始tis lined with, then?
Silk? Ay, silk, Master Slave. You would be glad to 2925wipe your nose with the skirt on始t. This 始tis to come 2926among a company of cod始s-heads that know not how to use 2927a gentlewoman.
[To 1 Master] Tell her the Duke is here.
Be modest, Kate, the Duke is here.
If the devil were here, I care not. – Set forward, ye 2931rogues, and give attendance according to your places. Let 2932bawds and whores be sad, for I始ll sing an the devil were 2933a-dying.
5.2.311.1Exeunt [Catherina, Horseleech and Beadles, one of whom follows the women while the other goes before, beating his basin.]
[To 1 Master] Why before her does the basin ring?
It is an emblem of their revelling.
No, shut up shop. We始ll now break up the fair.
2948All Gentlemen
Defend yourself, Bots!
First, all the private sufferance that the house
2954Bots
Beseech your Grace!
Away with him, see it done.
[Exit Bots with Constable.]
Panders and whores
Marry, this, my lord: he is my son-in-law, and in 2960law will I be his father. For if law can pepper him, he shall 2961be so parboiled that he shall stink no more i始th始 nose of the 2962commonwealth.
Be yet more kind and merciful, good father.
Dost thou beg for him, thou precious man始s meat, 2965thou? Has he not beaten thee, kicked thee, trod on thee, and 2966dost thou fawn on him like his spaniel? Has he not 2967pawned thee to thy petticoat, sold thee to thy smock, made 2968thee leap at a crust, yet wouldst have me save him?
O, yes, good sir. Women shall learn of me
Have ye eaten pigeons, that you始re so kindhearted 2973to your mate? Nay, you始re a couple of wild bears; I始ll 2974have ye both baited at one stake. – But as for this knave [Addressing Mattheo]: the 2975gallows is thy due, and the gallows thou shalt have. I始ll 2976have justice of the Duke; the law shall have thy life. [To Bellafront] What, 2977dost thou hold him? Let go his hand. If thou dost not 2978forsake him, a father始s everlasting blessing fall upon both your 2979heads! Away, go, kiss out of my sight! Play thou the 2980whore no more, nor thou the thief again.
5.2.342My house shall be thine,
5.2.344And so shall my wine,
5.2.346And yet when I die,
5.2.348Take all. Yet, good Mattheo, mend.
Then hear, Mattheo. All your woes are stayed
5.2.360.1Exeunt.