1225Enter Candido, his wife, George, and two Prentices in the 1226shop: Fustigo enters, walking by. 1227Geor. See Gentlemen, what you lack? a
fine Holland,
1228a
fine Cambrick,
see what you buy.
12291. Pr. Holland for
shirts, Cambrick for bands, what i
st (you lack?
1230Fust. Sfoot, I lack em all, nay more, I lack money to buy
1231em
: let me
see, let me looke agen: ma
sse this is the
shop;
1232What Coz!
sweet Coz! how do
st ifayth,
since la
st night
1233after candlelight? we had good
sport ifayth, had we not?
1234and when
shals laugh agen?
1235Wi. When you will, Cozen.
1236Fust. Spoke like a kind Lacedemoniā: I
see yonders thy (husband.
1237Wi. I, ther's the
sweet youth, God ble
sse him.
1238Fust. And how i
st Cozen? & how? how i
st thou
squall?
1239Wi. Well, Cozen, how fare you?
1240Fust. How fare I? troth, for
sixpence a meale, wench, as
1241wel as heart can wi
sh, with Calues chaldrons and chitter
- 1242lings, be
sides I haue a
Punck after
supper, as good as a ro
-(
sted Apple.
1243Cand. Are you my wiues Cozen?
1244Fust. A am,
sir, what ha
st thou to do with that?
1245Cand. O, nothing but y'are welcome.
E 2 Fust. The
The conuerted Courtizan.
1246Fust. The
Deuils dung in thy teeth: Ile be welcom whe
- 1247ther thou wilt or no, I: What Ring's this Coz? very pretty
1248and fanta
sticall ifayth, lets
see it.
1249Wife. Puh! nay you wrench my
finger.
1250Fust. I ha
sworne Ile ha't, and I hope you wil not let my
1251othes be crackt in the ring, wil you? I hope
sir, you are not
1252mallicolly at this for all your great lookes: are you angry?
1253Cand. Angry? not I
sir, nay, if
she can part
1254So ea
sily with her Ring, tis with my heart.
1255Geo. Su
ffer this,
sir, and
su
ffer all, a whor
son Gull to --,
1256Can. Peace
George, whē
she has reapt what I haue
sowne,
1257Sheele
say, one grayne ta
stes better of her owne,
1258Then whole
sheaues gathered
from anothers land:
1259Wit's neuer good, til bought at a deare hand.
1260Geo. But in the meane time
she makes an A
sse of
some (body.
12612. Pren. See,
see,
see,
sir, as you turne your backe, they
1262do nothing but ki
sse.
1263Cand. No matter, let 'em: when I touch her lip,
1264I
shall not feele his ki
sses, no nor mi
sse
1265Any of her lips: no harme in ki
ssing is.
1266Looke to your bu
sine
sse, pray make vp your wares.
1267Fust. Troth Coz, and well remembred, I would thou
1268would
st giue mee
fiue yards of Lawne, to make my
Punke 1269some falling bands a the fa
shiō, three falling one vpō ano
- 1270ther: for thats the new editiō now:
she's out of linnen hor
- 1271ribly too, troth,
sha's neuer a good
smock to her back ney
- 1272ther, but one that has a great many patches in't, & that I'm
1273fain to weare my
selfe for want of
shift too: prithee put me
1274into hole
some napery, & be
stow
some clean commodities
1275vpō vs.
Wife. Reach me tho
se Cambricks & the Lawnes
1276hither.
Cand. What to doe, wife? to laui
sh out my goods
1278Fust. Foole! Sneales eate the foole, or Ile
so batter your
1279crowne, that it
shall
scarce go for
fiue
shillings.
12802. Pr. Do you heare
sir? y'are be
st be quiet, &
say a foole (tels you
so.
1281Fust. Nailes, I think
so, for thou tel
st me.
1282Can. Are you angry
sir, becau
se I namde the foole?
1283Tru
st me, you are not wi
se, in mine owne hou
se,
And
The conuerted Courtizan.
1284And to my face to play the Anticke thus:
1285If youle needs play the mad man, choo
se a
stage
1286Of le
sser compa
sse, where few eyes may note
1287Your a
ctions errour; but if
still you mi
sse,
1288As heere you doe, for one clap, ten will hi
sse.
1289Fust. Zwounds Cozen, he talks to me, as if I were a
scur
- 12912. Pren. Sirra
George, I ha thought vpon a deuice, how to
1292breake his pate, beat him
soundly, and
ship him away.
1293Geor. Doo't.
2. Pren. Ile go in, pa
sse through the hou
se,
1294giue
some of our fellow Prentices the watch-word when
1295they
shall enter, then come and fetch my ma
ster in by a
1296wile, and place one in the hall to hold him in conference
1297whil
st we cudgell the Gul out of his coxcombe.
1298Geor. Doo't, away, doo't.
1299Wife. Mu
st I call twice for the
se Cambricks & lawnes?
1300Cand. Nay
see, you anger her,
George, prithee di
spatch.
13012. pr. Two of the choi
se
st pieces are in the warehou
se,
sir.
1302Cand. Go fetch them pre
sently.
Exit 1. prentice. 1303Fust. I, do, make ha
ste,
sirra.
1304Cand. Why were you
such a
stranger all this while,
1305being my wiues Cozen?
1306Fust. Stranger? no
sir, Ime a naturall Millaner borne.
1307Can. I perceyue
still it is your naturall gui
se to mi
stake
1308me, but you are welcom
sir, I much wi
sh your acquaintāce.
1309Fust. My acquaintance? I
scorne that ifayth; I hope, my
1310acquaintance goes in chaines of gold three and
fifty times
1311double: you know who I meane, Coz, the po
sts of his gate
1312are a painting to.
Enter the 2. Prentice. 13132. Pr. Signior Pandulfo the Marchāt de
sires conference
1314with you.
Can. Signior Pandulfo? Ile be with him
straight.
1315Attend your mi
stris and the Gentleman.
1316Wife. When do you
shew tho
se pieces?
Exit. 1317Omn. Pre
sently
sir, pre
sently, we are but charging thē.
1318Fust. Come
sirra, you Flat-cap, where be the
se whites?
1319Ge. Flat-cap? heark in your eare
sir, yare a
flat foole, an
1320A
sse, a gull, & Ile thrum you: do you
see this cambrick,
sir?
E 3 Fust. Sfoot,
The conuerted Courtizan.
1321Fust. Sfoot Coz, a good ie
st, did you heare him? he told
1322me in my eare,
I was a
flat foole, an A
sse, a Gull, and
Ile
1323thrumb you: doe you
see this Cambrick
sir?
1324Wi. What, not my men,
I hope?
1325Fust. No, not your men, but one of your men ifayth.
13261. Pr. I pray
sir, come hither, what
say you to this? heres
1327an excellent good one.
1328Fust. I marry, this likes me well, cut me o
ff some halfe (
score yards.
13292. Pr. Let your whores cut, yare an impudent coxcomb,
1330you get none, & yet Ile thrum you.- A very good Cam
- 1332Fust. Agen, agen, as God iudge me: Sfoot, Coz, they
1333stand thrūming here with me all day, & yet
I get nothing.
13341. Pr. A word
I pray
sir, you mu
st not be angry, prentices
1335haue hote blouds, young fellowes,- What
say you to this
1336piece? looke you, tis
so delicate,
so
soft,
so euen,
so
fine a
1337thrid, that a Lady may weare it.
1338Fust. Sfoot
I thinke
so, if a Knight marry my Punck, a
1339Lady
shall weare it: cut me o
ff 20. yards: th'art an hone
st (lad.
13401. Pr. Not without mony, gull, & ile thrū you to.
1341Omn. Gull, weele thrum you.
1342Fust. O Lord,
sister, did you not heare
something cry
1343thump? zounds your men here make a plaine A
sse of me.
1344Wi. What, to my face
so impudent?
1345Geor. I, in a cau
se
so hone
st, weele not
su
ffer
1346Our ma
sters goods to vani
sh monyle
sse.
1347Wife. You will not
su
ffer them.
13482. Pr. No, and you may blu
sh,
1349In going about to vex
so mild a bre
st,
1350As is our ma
sters.
Wi. Take away tho
se pieces.
1351Cozen,
I giue them
freely.
1352Fust. Ma
sse, and
Ile take em as
freely.
1353Om. Weele make you lay em down agen more
freely.
1354Wi. Help, help, my brother wilbe murdered.
Enter Can. 1355Cand. How now, what coyle is here? forbeare,
I say.
1356Geor. He cals vs Flatcaps, and abu
ses vs.
1357Can. Why,
sirs? do
such examples
flow
from me?
1358Wi. They are of your keeping
sir, alas poore brother.
Fust. I
The conuerted Courtizan.
1359Fust. I fayth they ha pepperd me,
sister: looke, doo
st not
1360spin? call you the
se Prentices? Ile nere play at cards more
1361whē clubs is trump: I haue a goodly coxcomb,
sister, haue (I not?
1362Cand. Si
ster and brother, brother to my wife.
1363Fust. If you haue any skill in Heraldry, you may
soone
1364know that, break but her pate, and you
shal
see her blood
1366Can. A Surgeon, run, a Surgeon: Why then wore you
1367that forged name of Cozen?
1368Fust. Becau
se its a common thing to call Coz, and Nin
- 1369gle now adayes all the world ouer.
1370Cand. Cozen! A name of much deceyt, folly and
sin,
1371For vnder that common abu
sed word,
1372Many an hone
st tempred Cityzen
1373Is made a mon
ster, and his wife traynd out
1374To foule adulterous a
ction, full of
fraud.
1375I may well call that word, A Cities Bawd.
1376Fust. Troth, brother, my
sister would needs ha me take
1377vpon me to gull your patience a little: but it has made
1378double Gules on my coxcomb.
1379Wife. What, playing the woman? blabbing now you (foole?
1380Cand. O, my wife did but exerci
se a ie
st vpon your wit.
1381Fust. Sfoot, my wit bleeds for't, me thinks.
1382Cand. Then let this warning more of
sence a
fford.
1383The name of Cozen is a bloudy word.
1384Fnst. Ile nere call Coz agen whil
st I liue, to haue
such
1385a coyle about it: this
should be a Coronation day; for my
1386head runnes Claret lu
stily.
Exit. Enter an Officer. 1387Can. Go with the Surgeon to haue great re
spe
ct.
1388How now, my
friend, what, do they
sit to day?
1389Off. Yes
sir, they expe
ct you at the Senate-hou
se.
1390Can. I thāk your paines, Ile not be la
st man there.
Exit Off. 1391My gowne,
George, goe, my gowne. A happy land,
1392Where graue men meet each cau
se to vnder
stand,
1393Who
se con
sciences are not cut out in brybes,
1394To gull the poore mans right: but in euen
scales,
1395Peize rich & poore, without corruptions veyles.
1396Come, wheres the gowne?
Ge. I cannot
find the key
sir.
1397Cand. Reque
st it of your mi
stris.
E 4 Wife. Come
The conuerted Courtizan.
1398Wife. Come not to me for any Key.
1399Ile not be troubled to deliuer it.
1400Cand. Good wife, kind wife, it is a needfull trouble,
1402Wi. Mothes
swallow downe your Gowne:
1403You
set my teeth an edge with talking on't.
1404Cand. Nay prythee
sweet, I cannot meet without it,
1405I
should haue a great Fyne
set on my head.
1406Wi. Set on your Coxcomb: tu
sh, Fine me no Fines.
1407Can. Beleeue me
sweet, none greets the Senate-hou
se,
1408Without his Robe of reuerence, that's his Gowne.
1409Wi. Well, then y'are like to cro
sse that cu
stome once,
1410You get nor key, nor gowne, and
so depart:
1411This trick will vexe him
sure, and
fret his heart.
Exit. 1412Cand. Stay, let me
see, I mu
st haue
some deuice,
1413My cloke's too
short: fye, fye, no cloke will doo't:
1414It mu
st be
something fa
shioned like a Gowne,
1415With my armes out
: oh
George, come hither
George,
1416I prythee lend me thine aduice.
1417Geor. Truth
sir, were it any but you, they would breake (open che
st.
1418Cand. O no, break open che
st! thats a theeues o
ffice:
1419Therein you coun
sell me again
st my bloud:
1420'Twould
shew impatience that, any meeke meanes
1421I would be glad to imbrace. Ma
sse,
I haue got it:
1422Go,
step vp, fetch me downe one of the Carpets,
1423The
sadde
st colourd Carpet, hone
st George,
1424Cut thou a hole ith middle for my necke,
1425Two for mine armes, nay prythee looke not
strange.
1426Ge. I hope you doe not thinke
sir, as you meane.
1427Can. Prythee about it quickly, the houre chides me:
1428Warily
George,
softly, take heed of eyes,
Exit George. 1429Out of two euils hee's accounted wi
se,
1430That can pick out the lea
st; the Fine impo
sde
1431For an vngowned Senator, is about
1432Forty Cruzadoes, the Carpet not 'boue foure.
1433Thus haue I cho
sen the le
sser euill yet,
1434Pre
seru'd my patience, foyld her de
sperate wit.
1435Geo. Here
sir, heer's the Carpet.
Enter George. Cand. O
The conuerted Courtizan.
1436Cand. O well done,
George, weele cut it iu
st ith mid
st:
1437Tis very well
I thanke thee, helpe it on.
1438Ge. It mu
st come ouer your head,
sir, like a wenches pe
-(ticoate.
1439Cand. Th'art in the right, good
George, it mu
st indeed.
1440Fetch me a nightcap, for Ile gyrd it clo
se,
1441As if my health were queazy: twill
show well,
1442For a rude carele
sse night-gowne, wil't not, think
st?
1443Ge. Indi
fferent well,
sir, for a night-gowne, being girt & (pleated.
1444Cand. I, and a night-cap on my head.
1445Ge. Thats true
sir, Ile run & fetch one, & a
sta
ffe.
Exit Ge. 1446Can. For thus they cannot chu
se but con
ster it,
1447One that is out of health, takes no delight,
1448Weares his apparell without appetite,
1449And puts on heedles rayment without forme.
Enter Geo. 1450So,
so, kind
George, be
secret now: & prithee do not laugh
1451at me till Ime out of
sight.
Geor. I laugh? not I,
sir.
1452Cand. Now to the Senate-hou
se:
1453Methinks, Ide rather weare without a
frowne,
1454A patient Carpet, then an angry Gowne.
Exit. 1455Ge. Now looks my M. iu
st like one of our Carpet knights,
1456only hee's
somewhat the hone
ster of the two.
Enter Can-didoes wife. 1457Wi. What, is your ma
ster gone?
1458Geo. Yes for
sooth, his back is but new turnd.
1459Wi. And in his cloke? did he not vexe and
sweare?
1460Geo. No, but heele make you
sweare anon: no indeed,
1461he went away like a lambe.
1462Wi. Key,
sinke to hell:
still patient, patient
still!
1463I am with child to vexe him
: prythee
George,
1464If e're thou look
st for fauour at my hands,
1465Vphold one Ie
st for me.
Geor. Again
st my ma
ster?
1466Wi. Tis a meere Ie
st in fayth:
say, wilt thou doo't?
1467Geor. Well, what i
st?
1468Wi. Heere, take this key, thou know
st where all things (lie,
1469Put on thy ma
sters be
st apparell, Gowne,
1470Chayne, Cap, Ru
ffe, euery thing, be like him
selfe,
1471And 'gayn
st his comming home, walke in the
shop,
1472Fayne the
same cariage, and his patient looke,
1473'Twill breed but a ie
st thou know
st,
speake, wilt thou?
1474Geor. 'Twill wrong my ma
sters patience.
F Wi. Pry-
The conuerted Courtizan.
1475Wi. Prythee
George.
Geor. Well, if youle
saue me
1476harmle
sse, and put me vnder couert barne, I am content to
1477plea
se you, prouided it may breed no wrong again
st him.
1478Wi. No wrong at all: here take the Key, be gone:
1479If any vex him, this: if not this, none
Exeunt.