Peer Reviewed
- Edition: The Honest Whore, Part 1
The Honest Whore, Part 1 (Modern)
- Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Acknowledgements
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Abbreviations
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Analysis of the Plays
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: The Plays in Performance
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Textual Introduction
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- The Honest Whore, Parts 1 and 2: Appendices
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- Texts of this edition
- Facsimiles
2419.1[5.2]
Nay, nay, resolve, good father, or deny.
You press me to an act both full of danger
Hippolito
Tush, fear not the Duke.
O son,
5.2.11Wisely to fear is to be free from fear.
You have our words, and you shall have our lives,
[To Anselmo] Ay, ay; chop 始em up, and away.
Stay; when is始t fit for me, safest for you,
2436Hippolito
Not till the evening.
Be始t so. There is a chapel stands hard by,
5.2.23You are most safe.
2443Infelice
Father, your love始s most dear.
Ay, well said! Lock us into some little room by 2445ourselves, that we may be mad for an hour or two.
O good Mattheo, no. Let始s make no noise.
How? No noise? Do you know where you are? 始Sfoot, 2448amongst all the madcaps in Milan, so that to throw the house 2449out at window will be the better, and no man will suspect that 2450we lurk here to steal mutton; the more sober we are, the 2451more scurvy 始tis. And though the friar tell us that here we are 2452safest, I始m not of his mind; for if those lay here that had lost 2453their money, none would ever look after them. But here are 2454none but those that have lost their wits, so that if hue and cry 2455be made, hither they始ll come; and my reason is, because none 2456goes to be married till he be stark mad.
Muffle yourselves: yonder始s Fluello.
5.2.27.1Enter Fluello.
2458Mattheo
Zounds!
[To Hippolito] O my lord, these cloaks are not for this rain; the 2460tempest is too great. I come sweating to tell you of it, that 2461you may get out of it.
Why, what始s the matter?
‘What始s the matter?始 You have ‘mattered始 it fair: the Duke始s at hand.
The Duke?
2465Fluello
The very Duke.
2466Hippolito
Then all our plots
Castruccio. Castruccio told the Duke, and Mattheo 2471here told Castruccio.
[To Mattheo] Would you betray me to Castruccio?
始Sfoot, he damned himself to the pit of hell if he spake on始t again.
So did you swear to me; so were you damned.
Pox on 始em, and there be no faith in men, if a man shall 2476not believe oaths. He took bread and salt, by this light, that 2477he would never open his lips.
5.2.40Hippolito
O God, O God!
2478Anselmo
Son, be not desperate.
He始s but new set out. Castruccio, Pioratto, and Sinezi 2482come along with him. You have time enough yet to prevent 2483them, if you have but courage.
You shall steal secretly into the chapel
O blest disguise! O happy man!
Talk not of happiness till your closed hand
O, yes, we do applaud it. We始ll dispute
2500Anselmo
Come then, away. 始Tis meet,
5.2.60.1Exeunt [Anselmo, Hippolito, and Infelice].
No words, I pray, Fluello, for it stands us upon.
O sir, let that be your lesson.
5.2.62.1[Exit Mattheo.]
5.2.65.12507Enter, to Fluello, the Duke, Castruccio, Pioratto, and 2508Sinezi from several doors, muffled.
Who始s there?
Castruccio
My lord –
2510Duke
Peace! Send that ‘lord始 away!
5.2.69Castruccio
Fluello; or else Sinezi, by his little legs.
All friends, all friends.
What, met upon the very point of time?
Pioratto
This is the place, my lord.
Dream you on lordships? Come, no more ‘lords始, pray!
All [but Duke]
Not yet.
Castruccio, art thou sure this wedding feat
So 始tis given out, my lord.
Nay, nay, 始tis like. Thieves must observe their hours;
Let始s all go see the madmen.
2525All [but Duke]
Mass, content.
5.2.81.1Enter a Sweeper.
O, here comes one; question him, question him.
How now, honest fellow, dost thou belong to the house?
Yes, forsooth, I am one of the implements. I sweep the 2529madmen始s rooms, and fetch straw for 始em, and buy chains 2530to tie 始em and rods to whip 始em. I was a mad wag myself here 2531once, but I thank Father Anselm he lashed me into my right mind again.
[Aside to the others] Anselmo is the friar must marry them.
And where is Father Anselmo now?
Marry, he始s gone but e始en now.
[To Castruccio] Ay, well done.
[To the Sweeper] Tell me, whither is he gone?
Why, to God a始mighty.
[Laughing] Ha, ha, this fellow is a fool, talks idly.
Sirrah, are all the mad folks in Milan brought hither?
How, all? There始s a wise question indeed! Why, if all the 2541mad folks in Milan should come hither, there would not be 2542left ten men in the city.
Few gentlemen or courtiers here, ha?
O yes, abundance, abundance. Lands no sooner fall 2545into their hands but straight they run out o始their wits. 2546Citizen始s sons and heirs are free of the house by their fathers始 copy. 2547Farmers始 sons come hither like geese, in flocks; and when they 2548ha始 sold all their cornfields, here they sit and pick the straws.
Methinks you should have women here as well as men.
O, ay. A plague on 始em; there始s no ho with them – they are 2551madder than March hares.
Are there no lawyers here amongst you?
O, no, not one. Never any lawyer; we dare not let a 2554lawyer come in, for he始ll make 始em mad faster than we can 2555recover em.
And how long is始t ere you recover any of these?
Why, according to the quantity of the moon that始s 2558got into 始em. An alderman始s son will be mad a great while, 2559a very great while, especially if his friends left him well. A 2560whore will hardly come to her wits again. A Puritan – there始s no 2561hope of him, unless he may pull down the steeple and hang 2562himself i始th始 bell-ropes.
I perceive all sorts of fish come to your net.
Yes, in truth, we have blocks for all heads; we have 2565good store of wild oats here. For the courtier is mad at 2566the citizen, the citizen is mad at the countryman, the 2567shoemaker is mad at the cobbler, the cobbler at the carman; the 2568punk is mad that the merchant始s wife is no whore, the 2569merchant始s wife is mad that the punk is so common a whore. 2570Godso, here始s Father Anselm; pray, say nothing that I tell tales 2571out of the school.
5.2.103.1Exit.
5.2.103.2Enter Anselmo [with Servants].
God bless you, father.
2573Anselmo
Thank you, gentlemen.
Pray, may we see some of those wretched souls
Anselmo
Yes, you shall.
With all our hearts.
5.2.120.1[They take off their weapons.]
2590Anselmo
[To a Servant] Here, take these weapons in.
5.2.120.2[Exit Servant with weapons.]
How fell he from himself?
2597Anselmo
By loss at sea.
5.2.129.1[He] discovers an old man, [1 Madman], wrapped in a net.
2601Fluello
Alas, poor soul!
A very old man.
5.2.131Duke
[To 1 Madman] God speed, father.
God speed the plough! Thou shalt not speed me.
We see you, old man, for all you dance in a net.
True, but thou wilt dance in a halter, and I shall not see thee.
[To the Gentlemen] O, do not vex him, pray.
Are you a fisherman, father?
No, I始m neither fish nor flesh.
What do you with that net, then?
Dost not see, fool? There始s a fresh salmon in始t. If 2611you step one foot further, you始ll be over shoes; for you see I始m 2612over head and ear in the salt water, and if you fall into this 2613whirlpool where I am, you始re drowned, you始re a drowned rat. I am 2614fishing here for five ships, but I cannot have a good draught, 2615for my net breaks still, and breaks; but I始ll break some of 2616your necks an I catch you in my clutches. Stay, stay, stay, stay, 2617stay; where始s the wind, where始s the wind, where始s the wind, 2618where始s the wind? Out, you gulls, you goose-caps, you 2619gudgeon-eaters! Do you look for the wind in the heavens? [Laughing] 2620Ha, ha, ha, ha! No, no, look there, look there, look there: the 2621wind is always at that door. Hark how it blows – pooff, 2622pooff, pooff!
5.2.140All [but Anselmo]
[Laughing] Ha, ha, ha!
Do you laugh at God始s creatures? Do you mock old 2624age, you rogues? Is this grey beard and head counterfeit, that 2625you cry ‘ha, ha, ha始? [To Pioratto] Sirrah, art not thou my eldest son?
Yes, indeed, father.
Then thou始rt a fool, for my eldest son had a polt-2628foot, crooked legs, a verjuice face, and a pear-coloured beard. 2629I made him a scholar, and he made himself a fool. [To the Duke] Sirrah, 2630thou there, hold out thy hand.
5.2.144Duke
My hand? Well, here 始tis.
Look, look, look, look! Has he not long nails 2632and short hair?
5.2.146Fluello
Yes, monstrous short hair and 2633abominable long nails.
5.2.1471 Madman
Ten-penny nails, are they not?
Yes, ten-penny nails.
Such nails had my second boy. [To the Duke] Kneel down, 2636thou varlet, and ask thy father blessing. – Such nails had my 2637middlemost son, and I made him a promoter; and he scraped, 2638and scraped, and scraped, till he got the devil and all. But he scraped 2639thus, and thus, and thus, and it went under his legs, till at length 2640a company of kites, taking him for carrion, swept up all, all, all, 2641all, all, all, all. If you love your lives, look to yourselves. See, see, 2642see, see, the Turk始s galleys are fighting with my ships. 2643‘Bounce!始 go the guns. ‘Oooh!始 cry the men. ‘Rumble, rumble!始 2644go the waters. Alas, there, 始tis sunk, 始tis sunk! I am 2645undone, I am undone! You are the damned pirates have undone 2646me. You are, by th始Lord, you are, you are! – Stop 始em! – You are!
Why, how now, sirrah? Must I fall to tame you?
Tame me? No, I始ll be madder than a roasted cat. 2649See, see, I am burnt with gunpowder; these are our close fights!
I始ll whip you if you grow unruly thus.
Whip me? Out, you toad! Whip me? What justice 2652is this, to whip me because I始m a beggar? Alas! I am a 2653poor man, a very poor man. I am starved, and have had no 2654meat, by this light, ever since the great flood. I am a poor 2655man.
5.2.154Anselmo
Well, well, be quiet, and you shall have meat.
Ay, ay, pray do. For look you, here be my guts, these 2657are my ribs. You may look through my ribs; see how my 2658guts come out. These are my red guts, my very guts, O, O!
[To Servants] Take him in there.
5.2.156.1[Servants remove 1 Madman.]
2660All [but Anselmo]
A very piteous sight.
Father, I see you have a busy charge.
They must be used like children: pleased with toys,
5.2.163.1[Enter 2 and 3 Madmen.]
[Indicating 3 Madman] La you, this hithermost
[Indicating 2 Madman] That is a married man
All these are whoremongers, and lay with my wife: 2676whore, whore, whore, whore, whore!
Observe him.
Gaffer shoemaker, you pulled on my wife始s pumps 2679and then crept into her pantofles. Lie there, lie there. – This 2680was her tailor. You cut out her loose-bodied gown and put 2681in a yard more than I allowed her. Lie there by the shoemaker. – 2682O, Master Doctor, are you here? You gave me a purgation 2683and then crept into my wife始s chamber to feel her pulses; 2684and you said, and she said, and her maid said, that they went 2685pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat, pit-a-pat. Doctor, I始ll put you anon into my 2686wife始s urinal. – Heigh, come aloft, Jack! This was her 2687schoolmaster, and taught her to play upon the virginals, and still 2688his jacks lept up, up. You pricked her out nothing but bawdy 2689lessons, but I始ll prick you all – fiddler, doctor, tailor, 2690shoemaker; shoemaker, fiddler, doctor, tailor. So! Lie with my 2691wife again now.
5.2.173.1[A Servant hands a meal to 3 Madman, who starts eating at once.]
See how he notes the other, now he feeds.
Give me some porridge.
I始ll give thee none.
Give me some porridge.
I始ll not give thee a bit.
Give me that flap-dragon.
I始ll not give thee a spoonful. Thou li始st; it始s no 2699dragon. 始Tis a parrot that I bought for my sweetheart, and 2700I始ll keep it.
Here始s an almond for parrot.
Hang thyself.
Here始s a rope for parrot.
Eat it, for I始ll eat this.
I始ll shoot at thee an thou始t give me none.
Wu始t thou?
I始ll run a tilt at thee an thou始t give me none.
Wu始t thou? Do, an thou dar始st.
Bounce! [He strikes him.]
Ooh, I am slain! Murder, murder, murder! I am 2711slain; my brains are beaten out!
How now, you villains!
[To Servants] Bring me whips.
[To 2 and 3 Madmen] I始ll whip you.
5.2.191.1[Exeunt Servants for whips, and return presently.]
I am dead. I am slain. Ring out the bell, for I am dead.
[To 2 Madman] How will you do now, sirrah? You ha始 killed him.
I始ll answer始t at sessions. He was eating of almond-2716butter, and I longed for始t. The child had never been delivered 2717out of my belly if I had not killed him. I始ll answer始t at sessions, 2718so my wife may be burnt i始th始 hand, too.
[To Servants] Take 始em in both.
[Indicating 3 Madman] Bury him, for he始s dead.
Ay, indeed, I am dead. Put me, I pray, into a good pit-hole.
I始ll answer始t at sessions.
5.2.197.1Exeunt [Servants with 2 and 3 Madmen].
How now, huswife, whither gad you?
A-nutting, forsooth. [To Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] How do you, gaffer? How do 2725you, gaffer? There始s a French curtsy for you, too.
[Aside] 始Tis Bellafront!
[Aside] 始Tis the punk, by th始Lord!
[To Anselmo] Father, what始s she, I pray?
2729Anselmo
As yet I know not;
[To Anselmo, Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] Do not you know me? Nor you? Nor you? Nor you?
No, indeed.
[To Castruccio, Fluello, and Pioratto] Then you are an ass, and you are an ass, and you 2735are an ass; for I know you.
Why, what are they? Come, tell me, what are they?
Three fishwives. Will you buy any gudgeons? God始s 2738santy! Yonder come friars. I know them too.
[Seizing Mattheo] How do you, 2739friar?
[To Bellafront] Nay, nay, away; you must not trouble friars.
[To Mattheo] Nay indeed, you shall not go; we始ll run at barley-break 2745first, and you shall be in hell.
[Aside] My punk turned mad whore, as all her fellows are?
[Aside to Mattheo and Infelice] Speak nothing, but steal hence when you spy time.
[To Bellafront] I始ll lock you up if you始re unruly; fie!
Fie? Marry faugh! They shall not go, indeed, till I ha始 told 2750始em their fortunes.
[To Anselmo] Good father, give her leave.
Ay, pray, good father, and I始ll give you my blessing.
Well then, be brief; but if you are thus unruly,
2755Pioratto
[To Bellafront] Come, to their fortunes.
Let me see. One, two, three, and four; I始ll begin with the little 2757friar first. [Taking Infelice始s hand] Here始s a fine hand indeed; I never saw friar have such 2758a dainty hand. Here始s a hand for a lady. You ha始 good fortune now.
God send me good luck.
You love one, and one loves you;
O, your wit drops!
2770Bellafront
Troth, so does your nose.
5.2.234[To Hippolito] Nay, let始s shake hands with you too.
5.2.241.1[She] discovers them.
Are holy habits cloaks for villainy?
2781Hippolito
Do, draw all your weapons.
Where are your weapons? Draw!
The friar has gulled us of 始em.
2784Mattheo
O rare trick!
Why swells your spleen so high? Against what bosom
[To the Duke] Hers? 始Tis your daughter始s.
2789Duke
Son?
2790Mattheo
Son, by yonder sun.
You cannot shed blood here but 始tis your own;
[Kneeling] I have a hand, dear lord, deep in this act,
[To the Duke] You see, my lord, there始s now no remedy.
Beseech your lordship!
You beseech fair; you have me in place fit
5.2.277.1[The Friar rises.]
O happy change!
2823Duke
Yours now is my content;
[To the Duke] Am not I a fine fortune-teller? God始s me, you are a 2826brave man! Will not you buy me some sugar-plums for 2827telling how the friar was i始th始 well, will you not?
Would thou hadst wit, thou pretty soul, to ask,
‘Pretty soul始? A pretty soul is better than a pretty body. [To Mattheo] 2831Do not you know my pretty soul?
No.
Look, fine man. Nay? I know you all by your noses; he 2834was mad for me once, and I was mad for him once, and he 2835was mad for her once, and were you never mad? Yes, I warrant. 2836Is not your name Mattheo?
5.2.290Mattheo
Yes, lamb.
‘Lamb始? Baa! Am I lamb? There you lie; I am mutton. [To the Duke] 2838I had a fine jewel once, a very fine jewel, and that naughty 2839man stole it away from me – fine jewel, a very fine jewel.
What jewel, pretty maid?
‘Maid始? Nay, that始s a lie. O, 始twas a golden jewel! Hark, 始twas called 2842a maidenhead. And that naughty man had it; had you not, leerer? [Seizing Mattheo.]
Out, you mad ass, away!
2844Duke
Had he thy maidenhead?
Shall he? ‘O brave Arthur of Bradley始, then! Shall he?
An if he bear the mind of a gentleman,
I think I rifled her of some such paltry jewel.
Did you? Then marry her; you see the wrong
How? Marry her, my lord? 始Sfoot, marry a 2853madwoman? Let a man get the tamest wife he can come by, she始ll be 2854mad enough afterward, do what he can.
Father Anselmo here shall do his best
I cannot tell – I may choose.
Nay, then law shall compel. I tell you, sir,
Well then, when her wits stand in their right place, I始ll marry her.
I thank your Grace.
[Revealing herself] Mattheo, thou art mine.
5.2.315White as before. I vow to thee, I始m now
I durst be sworn, Mattheo, she始s indeed.
Cony-catched, gulled, must I sail in your fly-boat
[They join hands.]
5.2.331All [but Mattheo and Bellafront]
God give you joy!
Come, mistress, we are in Bedlam now. Mass, and see: we 2885come in pudding-time, for here始s the Duke.
[To the Duke] My husband, good my lord!
Have I thy husband?
It始s Candido, my lord; he始s here among the lunatics. 2889Father Anselmo, pray fetch him forth.
5.2.335.1[Exit Anselmo.]
This madwoman is 2890his wife, and, though she were not with child, yet did she long 2891most spitefully to have her husband, that was as patient as 2892Job, to be more mad than ever was Orlando; and because she 2893would be sure he should turn Jew, she placed him here in 2894Bethlem. – Yonder he comes.
Come hither, signor. Are you mad?
You are not mad.
5.2.339Duke
Why, I know that.
Then may you know I am not mad, that know
Why, signor, came you hither?
2903Candido
O my good lord,
[Kneeling] Forgive me, and I始ll vex your spirit no more.
Come, come, we始ll have you friends; join hearts, join hands!
[Joining hands with Viola] See, my lord, we are even.
[She rises.]
Signor, methinks patience has laid on you
2918Candido
Loathe it?
For he whose breast is tender, blood so cool,
That which green wounds receive from sovereign balm.
Thou giv始st it lively colours; who dare say